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V #';v

THE MOTHER'S BOOK.

THE

M O T H E R'S BOOK.

BY MRS. CHILD,

AUTHOR OF « THE FRUGAL. HOUSEWIFE,' ' THE GIRL S OWJV

BOOK,' ' EVENINGS IN NEW ENGLAND,' AND EDITOR

OF ' THE JUVENILE MISCELLANY.'

The child is father of the man ;
And I could wish his days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

Wordsworth.

Do you ask, then, what will educate your son ? Your example will educate
him j your conversation j the business he sees you transact ; the likings and
dislikings you express, — these will educate him — the society you live in will
educate him. Mr 3 Barbauld.

BOSTON,

PUBLISHED BY CARTER, HENDEE AND BABCOCK.
BALTIMORE, CHARLES CARTER.

1831.

IZfivo. <*=> 9\ M * *T $** I i VJPO

Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1831,
by Carter, Hendee & Babcock, in the Clerk's office of the
District Court of Massachusetts.

BOSTON CLASSIC PRESS:
I. R. BUTTS,

AMERICAN MOTHERS,

WHOSE INTELLIGENCE AND DISCRETION

THE
SAFETY AND PROSPERITY

OF OUK

REPUBLIC SO MUCH DEPEND,
GTjrts Volume

RESPECTFULLY INSCRIBED.

PREFACE.

When I wrote the 'Frugal Housewife,' some
booksellers declined publishing it, on account
of the great variety of cookery books already
in the market. I was perfectly aware of this
circumstance ; but among them all, 1 did not
know of one suited to the wants of the
middling class in our own country. I believed
such a book was needed ; and the sale of more
than six thousand copies in one year has proved
that I was right in my conjecture.

If the same remark is made with regard to
adding another to the numerous books on
education, I have the same answer to give —
1 do not know of one adapted to popular use
in this country.

V1J1

1 make no pretensions to great originality.
The leading principles contained in this little
volume have already been advanced in the
standard works on education ; and I owe a
great deal to frequent conversations with an
intelligent and judicious mother. Perhaps
some will think there is egotism and presump-
tion in the frequent repetition of '1 think,'
and ' / believe,5 and ' It is my opinion ? — but
it must be remembered that this could not
well be avoided in a work where familiarity
and directness of expression were particularly
required.

I have endeavored to give the result of my
own reading and observation in maxims of
plain practical good-sense, written with ear-
nestness and simplicity of style. How far I
have succeeded must be decided by my readers.

INTRODUCTION.

I cannot offer a better or more appropriate introduction
to this work, than an extract from Mr Francis' Discourse
on Errors in Education.

1 It is not easy to estimate the influence even of what
may seem an inconsiderable effort, when directed to such
an object as education. It has been said, that a stone
thrown into the sea agitates more or less every drop in that
vast expanse of waters. So it may be with the influence
we exert on the minds and hearts of the young. Who
can tell what may be the effects of a single good principle
deeply fixed, a single pure and virtuous association strongly
riveted, a single happy turn effectually given to the
thoughts and affections 1 It may spread a salutary and
sacred influence over the whole life and through the whole
mass of the character of the child. Nay, more, as the
characters of others, who are to come after him, may, and
probably will, depend much on his, the impulse we give

may not cease in him who first received it: it may go
down from one generation to another, widening and deep-
ening its influences as it goes, reaching forth with various
modifications, more or less direct, till the track of its agency
shall be completely beyond human calculation.'

' We are told, that when Antipater demanded of the
Lacedemonians fifty of their children as hostages, they
replied that they would rather surrender fifty of the most
eminent men in the state, whose principles were already
formed, than children to whom the want of early instruc-
tion would be a loss altogether irreparable. The Spartans
were wise ; and shall Christians be less so 1 Oh no ; — for
we believe that our labor cannot perish even with life ; —
we believe that, even if the inscrutable providence of God
removes these objects of affection from us, neither the
pleasure they have poured into our hearts, nor the good we
have imparted to them will, or can, be lost.'

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.
On the means of developing the Bodily Senses in earliest
Infancy 1

CHAPTER II.

Early developement of the Affections, 6

CHAPTER III.
Early cultivation of Intellect, 10

CHAPTER IV.
Management in Childhood, 22

CHAPTER V.
Amusements and Employments, 52

CHAPTER VI.
Sunday. Religion. Views of Death. Supernatural Ap-
pearances, 64

CHAPTER VII.

Advice concerning Books, 86

List of Good Books for various ages, 98

Xll

CHAPTER VIII.
Politeness, 109

CHAPTER IX.
Beauty. Dress. Gentility, 121

CHAPTER X.

Management during the Teens, 129

CHAPTER XI.

Views of Matrimony, 159

THE MOTHER'S BOOK.

CHAPTER I.

THE BODILY SENSES.

Few people think that the management of very
young babes has anything to do with their future dis-
positions and characters ; yet I believe it has more in-
fluence than can easily be calculated. One writer on
education even ventures to say, that the heaviness of
the Dutch and the vivacity of the French are owing to
the different manner in which infants are treated in
those two countries.

The Dutch keep their children in a state of repose,
always rocking, or jogging them ; the French are per-
petually tossing them about, and showing them lively
tricks. I think a medium between these two extremes
would be the most favorable to a child's health and
faculties.

An infant is, for a while, totally ignorant of the use

of the senses with which he is endowed. At first he

does not see objects ; and when he sees them, he

does not know that he can touch them. ' He is obliged

to serve an apprenticeship to the five senses,' and at
every step he needs assistance in learning his trade.
Any one can see that assistance tends to quicken the facul-
ties, by observing how much faster a babe improves,
when daily surrounded by little brothers and sisters.

But in trying to excite an infant's attention, care
should be taken not to confuse and distract him. His
soul, like his body, is weak, and requires to have but
little sustenance at a time, and to have it often. Gen-
tleness, patience, and love, are almost everything in
education ; especially to those helpless little creatures,
who have just entered into a world where everything is
new and strange to them. Gentleness is a sort of mild
atmosphere ; and it enters into a child's soul, like the
sunshine into the rose-bud, slowly but surely expanding
it into beauty and vigor.

All loud noises and violent motions should be avoid-
ed. They pain an infant's senses, and distract his fac-
ulties. I have seen impatient nurses thrust a glaring
candle before the eyes of a fretful babe, or drum vio-
lently on the table, or rock the cradle like an earth-
quake. These things may stop a child's cries for a
short time, because the pain they occasion his senses,
draws his attention from the pain which first induced
him to cry ; but they do not comfort or soothe him. As
soon as he recovers from the distraction they have oc-
casioned, he will probably cry again, and even louder
than before. Besides the pain given to his mind,
violent measures are dangerous to the bodily senses.
Deafness and weakness of eye-sight may no doubt
often be attributed to such causes as I have mentioned ;
and physicians are agreed that the dropsy on the brain
is frequently produced by violent rocking.

Unless a child's cries are occasioned by sharp bodily
pain, they may usually be pacified by some pleasing
object, such as stroking a kitten, or patting the dog ;
and if their tears are really occasioned by acute pain, is
it not cruel to add another suffering, by stunning them
with noise, or blinding them with light ?

Attention should be early aroused by presenting at-
tractive objects — things of bright and beautiful colors,
but not glaring — and sounds pleasant and soft to the
ear. When you have succeeded in attracting a babe's
attention to any object, it is well to let him examine it
just as long as he chooses. Every time he turns it over,
drops it, and takes it up again, he adds something to
the little stock of his scanty experience. When his
powers of attention are wearied, he will soon enough
show it by his actions. A multitude of new playthings,
crowded upon him one after another, only serve to con-
fuse him. He does not learn as much, because he does
not have time to get acquainted with the properties of
any one of them. Having had his little mind excited
by a new object, he should be left in quiet, to toss, and
turn, and jingle it, to his heart's content. If he looks
up in the midst of his play, a smile should be always
ready for him ; that he may feel protected and happy
in the atmosphere of love.

It is important that children, even when babes, should
never be spectators of anger, or any evil passion. They
come to us from heaven, with their little souls full of
innocence and peace ; and, as far as possible, a mother's
influence should not interfere with the influence of angels.

The first and most important thing, in order to effect
this is, that the mother should keep her own spirit in

tranquillity and purity ; for it is beyond all doubt that
the state of a mother affects her child. There are
proofs that it is true, both with regard to mind and body.
A mere babe will grieve and sob at the expression of
distress on a mother's countenance ; he cannot possibly
knoiv what that expression means, but he feels that it
is something painful — his mother's state affects him.

Effects on the bodily constitution will be more readily
believed than effects on the mind, because the most
thoughtless can see the one, and they cannot see the
other. Children have died in convulsions, in conse-
quence of nursing a mother, while under the influence
of violent passion or emotion ; and who can tell how
much of moral evil may be traced to the states of mind
indulged by a mother, while tending the precious little
being, who receives everything from her ?

Therefore, the first rule, and the most important of
all, in education is, that a mother govern her own feel-
ings, and keep her heart and conscience pure.

The next most important thing appears to me to be
that a mother, as far as other duties will permit, take
the entire care of her own child. I am aware that
people of moderate fortune cannot attend exclusively to
an infant. Other cares claim a share of attention, and
sisters, or domestics, must be entrusted ; but where this
must necessarily be the case, the infant should, as much
as possible, feel its mother's guardianship. If in the
same room, a smile or a look of fondness, should now
and then be bestowed upon him ; and if in an adjoining
room, some of the endearing appellations to which he
has been accustomed, should once in a while meet his
ear. The knowledge that his natural protector and

best friend is near, will give him a feeling of safety and
protection, alike conducive to his happiness and bene-
ficial to his temper.

You may say, perhaps, that a mother's instinct teaches
fondness, and there is no need of urging that point ;
but the difficulty is, mothers are fond by fits and starts —
they follow impulse, not principle. Perhaps the cares
of the world vex, or discourage you — and you do not,
as usual, smile upon your babe when he looks up earn-
estly in your face, « — or you are a little impatient at his
fretfulness. Those who know your inquietudes may
easily excuse this ; but what does the innocent being
before you know of care and trouble ? And why
should you distract his pure nature by the evils you
have received from a vexatious world ? It does you
no good, and it injures him. #

Do you say it is impossible always to govern one's
feelings. There is one method, a never-failing one —
prayer. It consoles and strengthens the wounded heart,
and tranquillizes the most stormy passions. You will say,
perhaps, that you have not leisure to pray every time
your temper is provoked, or your heart is grieved. — It
requires no time — the inward ejaculation of < Lord help
me to overcome this temptation/ may be made in any
place and amid any employments ; and if uttered in
humble sincerity, the voice that said to the raging wa-
ters, c Peace ! Be still !' will restore quiet to your trou-
bled soul.

As the first step in education, I have recommended
gentle, but constant efforts to attract the attention, and
improve the bodily senses. I would here suggest the
importance of preserving the organs of those senses in

full vigor. For instance, the cradle should be so placed
that the face of the infant may be in shade. A
stream of light is dangerous to his delicate organs of
vision ; and if it be allowed to come in at one side, he
may turn his eyes, in the effort to watch it. Glaring
red curtains, and brilliantly striped Venetian carpeting
£re bad things in a nursery, for similar reasons.

I have said nothing concerning the physical wants of
children, — their food, diseases, &c, — because such sub-
jects are not embraced in the design of the present work.

The judicious and experienced are universally
agreed that the best text books for these purposes are,
' Dewees' Treatise upon Children,' and < Advice
to Young Mothers, By a Grandmother.5

CHAP. II.

THE AFFECTIONS .

The cultivation of the affections comes next to the
development of the bodily senses ; or rather they may
be said to begin together, so early does the infant heart
receive impressions. The uniform gentleness, to which
I have before alluded, and the calm state of the mother's
own feelings, have much to do with the affections of the
child.

Kindness toward animals is of great importance.
Children should be encouraged in pitying their distress

and if guilty of any violent treatment toward them, they
should see that you are grieved and displeased at such
conduct.

Before showing any disapprobation of his conduct,
however, it should be explained to a very young child
when he really does hurt an animal ; for young children
are often cruel from the mere thoughtlessness of frolic ;
they strike an animal as they would strike a log of wood,
without knowing that they occasion pain.

I once saw a mother laugh very heartily at the dis-
tressed face of a kitten, which a child of two years old
was pulling backward by the tail. At last, the kitten,
in self-defence, turned and scratched the boy. He
screamed, and his mother ran to him, kissed the wound,
and beat the poor kitten, saying all the time, c Naughty
kitten, to scratch John ! Fll beat her for scratching
John ! There, ugly puss !'

This little incident, trifling as it seems, no doubt had
important effects on the character of the child ; espe-
cially as a mother who would do such a thing once,
would be very likely to do it habitually.

In the first place, the child was encouraged in cru-
elty, by seeing that it gave his mother amusement.
Had she explained to him that he was hurting the kit-
ten, and expressed her pity by saying, ' Oh, don't hurt
kitty — she is a good little puss — and she loves John ' —
what a different impression would have been made on
his infant heart.

In the next place, the kitten was struck for defending
herself; this was injustice to the injured animal, and a
lesson of tyranny to the boy. In the third place, strik-
ing the kitten because she had scratched him was teach-

ing him retaliation. For that reason, a chair or a foot-
stool, against which he had accident all f hurt himself,
should never be struck, or treated in an angry manner.
You know, to be sure, that an inanimate object is not
capable of feeling pain ; but your infant does not know
it; the influence upon him is. that it is right to injure
when we are injured.

It is a common opinion that a spirit of revenge is
natural to children. No doubt bad temper, as well as
other evils, moral and physical, are often hereditary —
and here is a fresh reason for being good ourselves, if
we would have our children good. — But allowing that
evil propensities are hereditary, and therefore born with
children, how are they excited, and called into action?

First by the influences of the nursery — those early
influences, which, beginning as they do with life itself,
are easily mistaken for the operations of nature ; and
in the second place by the temptations of the world.

Now. if a child has ever so bad propensities, if the
influences of the nursery be pure and holy, his evils
will never be excited, or roused into action, until his
understanding is enlightened, and his principles formed,
so that he has power to resist them. The temptations
of the world will then do him no harm ; he will ; over-
come evil with good.'

But if. on the other hand, the influences of the nur-
sery are bad, the weak passions of the child are
strengthened, before his understanding is made strong ;
he gets into habits of evil, before he is capable of per-
ceiving that they are evil. Consequently when he
comes out into the world, he brings no armor against
its temptations. Evil is within and without. And

should the Lord finally bring him out of Egypt, it must
be after a dark, and wear}' bondage.

The mind of a child is not like that of a grown person,
too full and too busy to observe evemhing ; it is a
vessel empty and pure — always ready to receive, and
always receiving.

Even" look, every movement, ever)' expression, does
something toward forming the character of the little heir
to immortal life.

Do you regard it as too much trouble thus to keep
watch over yourself? Surely the indulgence of evil is
no privilege : the yoke of goodness is far lighter and
easier to bear, than the bondage of evil. Is not the
restraint you impose upon yourself for the good of your
child, blessed, doubly blessed, to your own soul : Does
not the little cherub in this way guide you to heaven,
marking the pathway by the flowers he scatters as he
goes?

The ride then for developing good affections in a
child is, that he never be allowed to see or feel the in-
fluence of bad passions, even in the most trifling things ;
and in order to effect this you must drive evil passions
out of your own heart. - Nothing can be real that has
not its home within us. The only sure way, as well
as the easiest, to appear good is to be good.-

It is not possible to indulge anger, or any other wrong
feeling, and conceal it entirely. If not expressed in
words, a child feels the baneful influence. Evil enters
into his soul, as the imperceptible atmosphere he
breathes enters into his lungs : and the beautiful little
image of God is removed farther and farther from his
home in heaven.

CHAP. III.

INTELLECT. — ATTENTION.

The first effort of intellect is to associate the names
of objects with the sight of them. To assist a babe in
this particular, when you direct his attention to any
object, speak the name of the object, slowly and dis-
tinctly. After a few times, he will know the thing by
its name ; and if you say Dog when the dog is not in
the room, he will show that he knows what you mean,
by looking round in search of him.

By degrees, a few words can be. added. He will
soon learn to repeat, < Good little dog ; ' and though
he may not have very exact ideas of what good means,
the tone of the voice, and the manner in which you
speak, will make him think it is something pleasant.
When you draw a child's attention to a living thing, it
is well to accompany it with some endearment to the
animal ; this will awaken his affections, as well as his
thoughts. In teaching a child to talk, low, mild tones
should be used.

Too much cannot be said on the importance of giving
children early habits of observation. This must be
done by teaching them to pay attention to surrounding
objects, and to inquire the why and wherefore of every-
thing. No doubt many mothers will say, < I cannot
thus train the minds of my children ; for it is my mis-
fortune not to have had an education myself.5 This
answer is very frequently given ; and if by education is

meant book-learning, the excuse is indeed a poor one.
Good judgment, kind feelings, and habitual command
over one's own passions, is necessary in the education of
children ; but learning is not necessary. The mother,
who has had no other advantages than are furnished by
a public school in a remote country village, knows a
great many more things than a child of three or four
years can possibly know. Early accustom your child-
ren to inquire about the things they handle. What if
you cannot always answer them ? You do them an
immense deal of g6od by giving their minds active hab-
its. If a spirit of inquiry is once aroused, it will, sooner
or later, find means to satisfy itself; and thus the in-
quisitive boy will become an energetic, capable man.

I will give some familiar instances of what I mean.
Generally speaking, when mothers have done superin-
tending domestic concerns for the day, and have seated
themselves to 'take some comfort/ as the phrase is,
'with their children,' they spend the time in trotting them,
or shaking the rattle, or dragging about the little car},
or repeating over and over again, c pat a cake, pat a
cake.' — Now this is extremely well; and should on no
account be omitted. But something ought to be mixed
with these plays to give the child habits of thought. Toys
amuse him for the time ; but he grows weary of them,
and when he does not hear, or see them, they do not
furnish anything for him to think about. But should
you, while tossing a ball, stop and say, c This ball is
round; this little tea-table is square. Nov/ George
knows what round and square means,' — it wmild give
him something to think about. When he has a new
toy, he will think to himself whether it is round or

square. It is not well to tell him more than one thing
at a time, or to enter into any detailed explanations.
It is a bad tiling to have infant attention wearied. It
is enough for him to know that the ball is round and
the table square. When he is older, you can explain to
him that a square has always equal sides, and that the
edge of a round thing is always equally distant from the
centre.

Another day should you show him your ball of yarn,
and ask him if it be round or square, the chance is, he
will answer correctly. If he does recollect what you
had told him, it will make his little heart very happy ;
and should you reward his answer with a smile and a
kiss, you will undoubtedly have done much to awaken
his powers of observation.

So much for the first step. — At another time, should
you chance to be spinning a dollar, or a cent, for his
amusement, you can, in the midst of the play, stop and
say, ' This dollar is round, as well as the ball ; but the
dollar is flat, and the ball is not flat. If George puts
his hand on the dollar, he will feel that it is flat ; and if
he puts his hand on the ball he will feel that it is not
flat. Now George knows what fiat means.' Here I
would remark, that if the child is impatient to have the
dollar spinning, and does not love to hear about its
form, it is unwise to cross his inclinations. We never
remember so well what we do not love to hear ; and
forced instruction is apt to injure the temper, and give
an early aversion to knowledge.

We are apt to forget that things long familiar to us
are entirely unknown to an infant. There is hardly
anything connected with his little wants, which may not

be made a pleasant medium of instruction. When eating
a piece of bread, the following questions may be asked
and answered. ' What is bread made of?' ' I don't
know ; what is it made of, mother ?' ' It is made of
grain ; sometimes of rye, sometimes of Indian meal, and
sometimes of flour.' ' What is grain made of?' ' It
grows in the field. The farmers plant it in the ground,
and God causes it to grow.'

When a child is playing with his kitten, it is easy to
mix instruction with his enjoyment, by saying, < Feel of
pussy's fur — -how smooth it is. Feel of this piece of
coral — how rough it is. Pussy's fur is smooth, and
the coral is rough. Now George knows what smooth
and rough mean.'

As he grows older, the information given him may
be of a higher character. He can be told ' The andirons
are made of brass. Brass is called a metal ; it is dug
out of the earth.' At another time, he may be asked,
' What is the cover of your book made of?' If he
answer, ' of leather/ ask him what leather is made of.
If he does not know, tell him it is made of a calf s skin.
Then ask him whether the cover of his book is a metal.
If he say, no — ask him what is the reason it is not. If
he cannot answer, tell him, ' Because metals are always
dug out of the earth. Leather is not dug out of the
earth ; it is made of calf-skin ; therefore it is an animal
substance, not a metal. Does George know what an
animal is ? \It is a creature that grows, and can move
about from one place to another. Your kitten is an
animal, — she g^ows bigger every day; and she moves
about. The brass andirons are not animals. They do
not grow any larger, and they cannot move.' Afterward,
2

when a proper opportunity occurs, ask him to tell you
the difference between a metal and an animal.

If he bring you a rose, you can say, \ Thank you,
George, for this rose. Now can you tell me what it is ?
Is it a metal?' c No.' ' Is it an animal?5 'I should
think riot, mother.' t What is it, then ?' ' I don't know.'
c I will tell you. It is a vegetable. Vegetables grow
out of the earth. They are not like metals, because
they grow larger, and larger ; and they are not like
animals, because they cannot move of themselves.
What are you, George ?' ' I am not a metal, for I
grow bigger every day. I am not a vegetable, for I
can walk. I think I am an animal.' < Right, my dear
son. Now you know the meaning of metals, animals
and vegetables.'

Such conversations as these will make his thoughts
busy ; and when he takes a book he will probably ask,
i What are the leaves of books made of?' c They are
made of paper.' ' What is paper made of?' c Of rags.'
' What are rags made of?' ' Sometimes of linen, and
sometimes of cotton. Cotton grows on a tree, and linen
is made from a plant called flax.' ' Then the leaves of
my book are vegetable.' This discovery, simple as it
is, will afford the boy great pleasure, and will make it
more easy to exercise his powers of thought.

I dare say the preceding hints will sound silly enough
to many mothers ; but they are nevertheless founded in
reason and sound sense. It is a fact that children thus
early accustomed to observe, will have a wonderful
power of amusing themselves. They will examine
every figure in the carpet, and think to themselves
whether it is round, or square ; and will sit, by the half

*■

hour, quietly watching the figures on copper-plate, or
calico.

Arithmetic may very early be made a source of
amusement ; for children can very soon learn to count
sticks or marbles, and tell how many they should have
left, if you should take away any given number.

With regard to the kind of information conveyed, as
well as the quantity, that should depend upon the child's
age, intelligence, and progress ; things which no person
can have an opportunity to observe and know, so well as a
mother. The system of making use of all the common
incidents of life to convey knowledge, and improve the
heart, may be begun in the earliest childhood, and con-
tinued even until youth ripens into manhood. I will
give a simple instance : Quite a large boy, when sailing
in a boat, may be asked to observe how the hills and
the trees seem to move from him, while in fact the boat
alone is moving. The simple fact may not be of much
consequence to him ; for if he is a bright boy, he would
have noticed it himself, without being asked to attend to
it : but you can make it the means of illustrating another
idea, by saying, c Just so the sun seems to move round
the earth ; but it does not move. The sun stands still,
as the hills and trees do ; but the earth is moving all
the time.'

I am aware that these habits of inquiry are at times
very troublesome ; for no one, however patient, can be
always ready to answer the multitude of questions a
child is disposed to ask. But it must be remembered
that all good things are accompanied with inconve-
niences. The care of children requires a great many
sacrifices, and a great deal of self-denial ; but the woman,

who is not willing to sacrifice a good deal in such a
cause, does not deserve to be a mother. Besides, the
thoughtless, indolent parent, who is not willing to make
sacrifices, and take trouble, does in fact have the most
trouble ; for the evils she would not check at first, when
it might easily have been done, grow too strong for her
management.

But to return to the subject of asking questions. It
is a spirit which should not be discouraged ; but at the
same time, children should be taught that they cannot
always be attended to. If you are otherwise occupied,
and their inquiries distract you, think a moment, and
collect yourself, lest you should answer pettishly.

Do not say, ' How you plague me, Jane \ I wish
you would go away, and keep still V But say, ' I am
very busy nowr, Jane. I cannot attend to you. If you
will remember to ask me by and by, when I can at-
tend to you, I will talk with you about it.' If the child
persists, the answer should be, ' You know I always
tell you what you ask, when I am not very busy. I
cannot attend to you now ; and if you teaze me, I shall
be very sorry ; for I shall be obliged to put you out of
the room.' After this threat is once made, nothing
should induce you to refrain from observing it. In
order that your child may be easily satisfied with these
kind, but firm refusals, when you are busy, you should
try to bear in mind the question she has asked, and
take the first leisure moment to reply to it. This will
give her confidence in what you have said ; and she
will know it was not done merely to put her off.

Perhaps another difficulty may occur ; your children
may ask questions that you do not know how to answer.

In that case, as in all others, the honest truth should
be told. The reply should be, <I do not know.
When father comes home, we will ask him ; perhaps
he can tell us.' If father does not know, the answer
should be, * As soon as you have money enough, I
will buy you a book, that will tell all about it :' and
this, like all other things that are promised, should be
done.

If, as is often the case, a child asks an explanation,
which would be altogether above his powers of com-
prehension, the answer should be, ' If I were to tell
you, you could not understand it, now. You must wait
till you are older.' If your child has been early accus-
tomed to the strictest regard to truth, she will believe
what you say, and try to be satisfied. Some children
being too much praised for their quickness, or their wit,
ask a number of useless, pert questions. This dispo-
sition should be promptly and decidedly checked ; for
it is the germ of vanity and affectation. To avoid
exciting this evil in the mind of a bright child, a very
intelligent question, or remark, should never be quoted
as anything remarkable, nor should he be at all en-
couraged to show off before company. The habit of
reciting verses, and displaying other acquirements before
strangers, seems to me the worst of all possible things
for children. They should be taught to love knowledge
for the sake of the good it will enable them to do others,
not because they will gain praise by it. An inordinate
love of reputation is always a powerful temptation to
active minds ; and the more the evil is fostered in the
nursery, the harder it is to overcome. Children should

hear learning, and wealth, and all other external gifts,
2#

spoken of according to their true value — that is, their
usefulness. They should be told, c The more know-
ledge you gain, the more useful you can be, when you
become a man.5

Perhaps you will say, that as your children grow
older, they cannot help learning that a rose is a vege-
table, the andirons a metal, he ; and you will ask what is
the use of teaching it to them a few years earlier than they
would naturally take to find it out of themselves. I
readily allow that the knowledge itself is of very little
consequence to them ; but the habits of attention and
activity of 'mind , which you give them are worth every-
thing.

If you take the trouble to observe, you will find those
who are the most useful, and of course the most suc-
cessful, in any department, are those who are in the
habit of observing closely, and thinking about what
they observe.

Why is it that a botanist will see hundreds of plants
in a field, which the careless stroller may pass again and
again without perceiving ? It is because his attention
has been fixed upon plants. How is the great novelist
enabled to give you such natural pictures of life and
manners ? A close attention to all the varieties of hu-
man character, enables him to represent them as they
are.

You will find that a smart, notable housewife is al-
ways an c observing woman.' What constitutes the
difference between a neat, faithful domestic, and a heed-
less, sluttish one ? One pays attention to what she is
about, and the other does not. The slut's hands may
be very dirty, but she does not observe it ; every time

she takes hold of the door, she may leave it covered
with black prints, but she does not observe it. One ed-
ucated to attend to things about her, would immediately
see these defects and remedy them.

We often hear it said, 6 Such a person has good sense,
and good feelings ; but, somehow or other, he has no
faculty.' The ' faculty' that is wanting is nothing more
or less than active habits of observation acquired in
early life.

Those who give their attention exclusively to one
thing, become great in that one thing ; and will in all
probability be careless and unobserving about every-
thing else. This sort of character is not desirable ; for
if it makes a man greater in one particular branch, it
much impairs his general usefulness. In a woman it is
peculiarly unfortunate; for whether she be rich or
poor, the sphere allotted her by Providence requires
attention to many things.

Literary women are not usually domestic ; not be-
cause they cannot easily be so — but because they early
acquired the habit of attending to literary things, and
of neglecting others. It is not true that intellectual
pursuits leave no time to attend to the common con-
cerns of life. A fashionable woman spends more time
and thought about her dress, than the most learned wo-
man spends about books. It is merely attention that is
wanted to make the belle literary, and the learned
lady domestic.

All the faculties of a child's mind should be cultiva-
ted, and they should early acquire a power of varying
their attention, so as to be able to bestow it easily upon
any subject whatsoever. Some think it a sign of good

sense to despise good taste ; hence the universal com-
plaint that scholars are awkward and slovenly. Un-
questionably this is better than the silly pursuit of ever-
varying fashion ; but there is no need of either extreme —
extremes always lie on one side or the other of truth
and nature.

Some, seeing the disastrous effects of an over-heated
imagination, think that any degree of imagination is in-
consistent with good judgment. This is a mistake. —
The finest imagination may be kept perfectly in check
by good sense, provided all the powers of the mind are
equally cultivated in early life. A great writer has
said, ' In forming the human character, we must not
proceed as a statuary does in forming a statue, who
works sometimes on the face, sometimes on the limbs,
and sometimes on the folds of the drapery ; but we
must proceed (and it certainly is in our power) as na-
ture does in forming a flower, or any other of her pro-
ductions ; she throws out altogether and at once the
whole system of being, and the rudiments of all the
parts.'

To a woman, the power of changing attention is pe-
culiarly valuable. I have said that an exclusive atten-
tion to learning was a fault, as well as an exclusive at-
tention to fashion ; but while I condemn the excessive
love of books, I must insist that the power of finding
enjoyment in reading is above all price, particularly to
a woman. A full mind is a great safeguard to virtue
and happiness in every situation of life. Multitudes of
people do wrong from mere emptiness of mind, and
want of occupation.

Children should be early taught by example to listen

attentively to intelligent conversation, and should after-
ward be encouraged in referring to it. This will occa-
sion a thirst for information, which will lead to a love of
reading. But while you try to encourage a love of
books, remember to direct their attention to other things
at the same time. For instance, show your daughter
at which end you begin to grate a nutmeg, and explain
to her that if you began at the end once fastened to the
branch, it would grate full of holes ; because the fibres
which held it together were fastened at that place, and
being broken, they fall out. When sewing, you can
call attention to the fact that sewing-silk splits much
better for being first drawn through the wax ; and that
a wristband is put on before the sleeve is sewed, be-
cause it can be managed more conveniently.

I mention these merely as familiar instances how the
attention may be kept awake, and ready to devote it-
self to little things, as well as great. If a girl feels in-
terested in nothing but books, she will in all probability
be useless, or nearly so, in all the relations dearest to a
good woman's heart ; if on the other hanaV she gives
all her attention to household matters, she will become
a mere drudge, and will lose many valuable sources of
enjoyment and usefulness. This may be said in favor
of an over-earnest love of knowledge — - a great mind
can attend to little things, but a little mind cannot at-
tend to great things.

CHAP. IV.

MANAGEMENT.

This phrase is a very broad and comprehensive one.
Under it I mean to include all that relates to rewards,
and punishments, and the adaptation of education to
different characters and dispositions.

The good old fashioned maxim that c example is bet-
ter than precept/ is the best thing to begin with. The
great difficulty in education is that we give rules instead
of inspiring sentiments. The simple fact that your
child never saw you angry, that your voice is always
gentle, and the expression of your face always kind,
is worth a thousand times more than all the rules you
can give him about not beating his dog, pinching his
brother, &c. It is in vain to load the understanding
with rules, if the affections are not pure. In the first
place, it iiS* not possible to make rules enough to apply
to all manner of cases ; and if it were possible, a child
would soon forget them. But if you inspire him with
right feelings, they will govern his actions. All our
thoughts and actions come from our affections ; if we
love what is good, we shall think and do what is good.
Children are not so much influenced by what we say
and do in particular reference to them, as by the gene-
ral effect of our characters and conversation. They
are in a great degree creatures of imitation. If they
see a mother fond of finery, they become fond of finery ;
if they see her selfish, it makes them selfish ; if they

see her extremely anxious for the attention of wealthy
people, they learn to think wealth is the only good.

Those whose early influence is what it should be,
will find their children easy to manage, as they grow
older.

An infant's wants should be attended to without
waiting for him to cry. At first, a babe cries merely
from a sensation of suffering — because food, warmth,
or other comforts necessary to his young existence, are
withheld ; but when he finds crying is the only means of
attracting attention, he soon gets in the habit of crying for
everything. To avoid this, his wants should be attended
to, whether he demand it or not. Food, sleep, and
necessary comforts should be supplied to him at such
times as the experience of his mother may dictate. If
he has been sitting on the floor, playing quietly by
himself a good while, take him up and amuse him, if
you can spare time, without waiting for 'weariness to
render him fretful. Who can blame a child for fretting
and screaming, if experience has taught him that he
cannot get his wants attended to in any other manner ?

Young children should never be made to cry by
plaguing them, for the sake of fun ; it makes them seri-
ously unhappy for the time, and has an injurious effect
upon their dispositions. When in any little trouble,
they should be helped as quick as possible. When
their feet are caught in the rounds of a chair, or their
playthings entangled, or when any other of the thou-
sand and one afflictions of baby-hood occur, it is an easy
thing to teach them to wait by saying, < Stop a minute,
and I will come to you.' But do not say this, to put
them off; attend to them as quick as your employments

will permit ; they will then wait patiently should an-
other disaster occur. Children, who have entire confi-
dence that the simple truth is always spoken to them,
are rarely troublesome.

A silent influence, which they do not perceive, is
better for young children than direct rules and prohibi-
tions. For instance, should a child be in ill humor,
without any apparent cause, (as will sometimes happen)
-—should he push down his playthings, and then cry
because he has injured them — chase the kitten, and
then cry because she has run out of his reach — it is
injurious to take any direct notice of it, by saying, ' How
cross you are today, James. What a naughty boy
you are. I don't love you today.' This, in all pro-
bability, will make matters worse. The better way is
to draw off his attention to pleasant thoughts by saying,
' I am going in the garden' — or, < I am going out to see
the calf. Does James want to go with me ?' If, in
the capriciousness of his humor, he says he does hot
want to go, do not urge him : make preparations to go,
and he will soon be inclined to follow. A few flowers,
or a little pleasant talk about the calf, will, in all proba-
bility produce entire forgetfulness of his troubles. If
the employment suggested to him combine usefulness
with pleasure, — such as feeding the chickens, shelling
peas for dinner, &c, so much the better. The habit of
assisting others, excites the benevolent affections, and
lays the foundation of industry.

When a little child has been playing, and perhaps
quarrelling, out of doors, and comes in with his face all
of a blaze, sobbing and crying, it is an excellent plan
to take him by the hand and say, i What is the matter,

my dear boy? Tell me what is the matter. But,
how dirty your face is ! Let me wash your face nicely,
and wipe it dry, and then you shall sit in my lap and
tell me all about it.' If he is washed gently, the sen-
sation will be pleasant and refreshing, and by the time
the operation is finished, his attention will be drawn off
from his vexations ; his temper will be cooled, as well
as his face. Then seat him in your lap, encourage him
to tell you all about his troubles, comb his hair gently
in the meantime, and in a few minutes the vexation of
his little spirit will be entirely soothed. This secret of
calling off the attention by little kind offices is very val-
uable to those who have the care of invalids, or young
children. Bathing the hands and feet, or combing the
hair gently, will sometimes put a sick person to sleep
when they can obtain rest in no other way.

An experienced and very judicious mother told me
that, in the course of twenty years' experience, she had
never known washing the face and combing the hair,
fail to soothe an angry and tired child. But then it
must be done gently. The reason children frequently
have an aversion to being washed is that they are taken
hold of roughly, and rubbed very hard. If you occa-
sion them pain by the operation, can you wonder they
dread it ?

By such expedients as I have mentioned, ill-humor
and discontent are driven away by the influence of kind-
ness and cheerfulness ; i evil is overcome with good.'
Whipping and scolding could not have produced quiet
so soon ; and if they could, the child's temper would
have been injured in the process.

I have said that example and silent influence were
3

better than direct rules and commands. Nevertheless,
there are cases where rules must be made ; and children
must be taught to obey implicitly. For instance, a child
must be expressly forbidden to play with fire, to climb
upon the tables, &c. But whenever it is possible,
restraint should be invisible.

The first and most important step in management is,
that whatever a mother says, always must be done.
For this reason, do not require too much ; and on no
account allow your child to do at one time, what you
have forbidden him at another. Sometimes when a
woman feels easy and good-natured, and does not expect
any company, she will allow her children to go to the
table and take lumps of sugar ; but should visiters be
in the room, or she out of humor with the occurrences
of the day, she will perhaps scold, or strike them for
the self same trick. How can a mother expect obedi-
ence to commands so selfish and capricious? What
inferences will a child draw from such conduct ? You
may smile at the idea that very young children draw
inferences ; but it is a fact, that they do draw inferences
— and very just ones too. We mistake, when we trust
too much to children's not thinking, or observing. They
are shrewd reasoners in all cases where their little inter-
ests are concerned. They know a mother's ruling pas-
sion ; they soon discover her weak side, and learn how
to attack it most successfully. I will relate a little an-
ecdote, to show that children are acute observers of
character. A fashionable lady, extremely fond of the
glitter of dress and equipage, was the mother of a roguish,
self-willed little mad-cap of a boy. One day, he seized
hold of a demijohn of wine, which a larger boy had

placed upon the side-walk of a secluded alley, while he
joined his companions in play; the little fellow persisted
in striking the demijohn on the pavement, for his
amusement. He was repeatedly warned that he would
break the bottle and spill the wine ; and at last this did
happen. His mother being told of the mischief he had
so wantonly done, ordered him to be undressed and put
to bed, although it was then in the middle of the day.
While this operation was performed by the nursery-
maid, he said, ' Betsy, it is my private opinion, that I
should have had a whipping, if mother hadn't had her
best gown on.'

To return to my subject. — The necessity of obedi-
ence early instilled is the foundation of all good manage-
ment. If children see you governed by a real wish for
their good, rather than by your own selfishness, or ca-
pricious freaks, they will easily acquire this excellent
habit. Wilful disobedience should never go unpunished.
If a little child disobeys you from mere forgetfulness
and frolic, it is best to take no notice of it ; for his inten-
tion is not bad, and authority has greater effect when
used sparingly, and on few occasions. Should he forget
the same injunction again, look at him very seriously,
and tell him that if he forgets it again, you shall be
obliged to punish him. Should he commit the offence
the third time, take from him the means of committing
it ; for instance, if you tell him not to tear his picture-
book, and he does tear it, take it away from him. Per-
haps he will pout and show ill humor ; — will push off
with his little chair, and say (l don't love you, mother.'
— If so, take no notice. Do not laugh, for that would
irritate him, without performing the least use ; do not

seem offended with him, for that will awaken a love of
power in his little mind. It excites very bad feelings
in a child, to see that he can vex a parent, and make
her lose her self-command. In spite of his displeasure,
therefore, continue your employment tranquilly, as if
nothing had happened. If his ill humor continue, how-
ever, and show itself in annoyances to you, and others
around him, you should take him by the hand, look
very seriously in his face, and say, ( James, you are such
a naughty boy, that I must punish you. I am very
sorry to punish you ; but I must, that you may remem-
ber to be good next time.' This should be done with
perfect calmness, and a look of regret. When a child
is punished in anger, he learns to consider it a species
of revenge ; when he is punished in sorrow, he believes
that it is done for his good.

The punishment for such peevishness as I have men-
tioned should be being tied in an arm-chair, or something
of that simple nature. I do not approve of shutting the
little offender in the closet. The sudden transition
from light to darkness affects him with an undefined
species of horror, even if he has been kept perfectly
free from frightful stories. A very young child will be-
come quite cold in a few minutes, at midsummer, if
shut in a dark closet.

If the culprit is obstinate, and tries to seem as if he
did not care for his punishment, let him remain in con-
finement till he gets very tired ; but in the meanwhile
be perfectly calm yourself, and follow your usual occu-
pations. You can judge by his actions, and the expres-
sion of his countenance, whether his feelings begin to
soften. Seize a favorable moment, and ask him if he is

sorry he has been so naughty ; if he says c yes,' let him
throw himself into your arms, kiss him, and tell him
you hope he will never be naughty again ; for if he is,
you must punish him, and it makes you very sorry to
punish him. Here is the key to all good management :
always punish a child for wilfully disobeying you in the
most trifling particular ; but never punish him in anger.

I once heard a lady very pertly say, i Well, I should
be ashamed of myself if I could punish a child when I
was not angry. Anybody must be very hard-hearted
that can do it.' Several of her companions laughed at
this speech ; but for myself, I saw neither wit nor wis-
dom in it.

The woman who punishes her child because she is
angry, acts from the selfish motive of indulging her own
bad passions ; she, who punishes because it is necessary
for the child's good, acts from a disinterested regard to
his future happiness.

As for the kind and degree of punishment, it should
be varied according to the age and character of the
child, and according to the nature of the offence. We
must remember that very young children do not know
what is right and wrong, until we explain it to them.
A child should not be punished the first time he tears
his picture-book, or cuts his gown. He should be told
that it is very naughty, and that he must not do it again.
It is well to show the torn book to his father, and other
members of the family, saying with a look of concern,
' See how George has torn his picture-book ! What a
pity. I am so sorry.' This will impress the magnitude
of the fault upon his mind, and he will not be so likely
to forget it.
3*

But should he make a grieved lip, and appear dis-
tressed at your conversation, change the current of his
feelings by saying, c But I am sure he will never do
such a naughty thing again. He is sorry for it.' Hav-
ing thus impressed his mind, do not recur to the subject
again.

The form of punishment should always be as mild as
it can be and produce the desired effect. Being sent to
bed in the middle of the day is a great privation ; and it
does not excite bad feelings so much as some other
forms of punishment. Small children may be tied in
an arm-chair, sent out of the room and forbidden to
return, put to bed without supper, &c. Eating dinner
separate from the family, or not being allowed to kiss
father and mother, is a grievous penance to children of
sensibility. Privation of any expected pleasure usually
makes a deep impression.

Where it is possible, it is a good plan to make the
punishment similar to the offence. If a child is quar-
relsome, or mischievous, among his companions, make
him play in a room by himself. If he is studying
with others, and chooses to be very disobliging, or
annoying, send him to another room to study alone ;
or, if this is not convenient, make him sit at a table by
himself, and allow no one to speak to him during the
evening. His offences having been antisocial, his pun-
ishment should be so likewise. Being deprived of social
intercourse will teach him its value.

If a child abuse any good thing, it is well to
take it from him, and make him feel the want of it.
Thus if he abuse your confidence, do not trust him
again for some time. But if he is really repentant, re-
store it to him ; and when you do trust him, trust him

entirely. Allusions to former faults have a dishearten-
ing effect, particularly on sensitive, affectionate children.
Above all things, never suffer a child to be accused of
a fault, until you are perfectly sure he has been guilty
of it. If he is innocent, the idea that you could think
him capable of wickedness will distress him, and will in
some degree weaken the strength of his virtue. I would
rather lose the Pitt diamond, if it were mine, than let
an innocent child know he had been for one moment
suspected of stealing it. The conscious dignity of in-
tegrity should always be respected.

While speaking of punishments, I would suggest one
caution. Never undertake to make a child do a thing
unless you are very sure you can make him do it.
One instance of successful resistance to parental author-
ity will undo the effects of a year's obedience. If a boy
is too bad to be governed by any other means than flog-
ging, and is too strong for you, do not attempt to man-
age him : tell his father, or his guardians, of his disobe-
dience, and request them to punish him.

Fear should on no occasion be used as a preventative,
or a punishment. If children want anything improper
for them to have, do not tell them it will bite them. It
is not true ; and the smallest child will soon leam by
experience that it is not true. This will teach him to
disbelieve you, when you really do tell the truth, and
will soon make a liar of him. Care should be taken not
to inspire a terror of animals, such as beetles, mice, spiders,
&c. Fortunately we have no venomous creatures in
New-England, which are likely to infest the nursery.
As for spiders, they are quite as likely to bite a child
who is afraid of them, as one who is not ; and if such a
thing should happen, a little swelling, and a few hours'

pain are not half as bad as fear/ that troubles one all
their lives long. Children would never have fear of
animals, unless it were put into their heads. A little
girl of my acquaintance once came running in with a
striped snake, exclaiming c Oh, what a beautiful creature
I have found ! 5 Her mother acknowledged that she
shuddered, because she had herself been taught to fear
snakes ; but she knew the creature would not hurt her
daughter, and she would not allow herself to express
any horror ; she merely advised her to set the animal
at liberty.

Not to kill any animal, seems to me an excess of a
good thing. The vermin that infest our houses and
gardens must be destroyed, and children must see them
destroyed. But it should always be done with express-
ed regret, and as mercifully as possible. The expla-
nation that we kill them to prevent the evil they would
do, is very good, and very satisfactory. But the fact is,
there are very few creatures in this climate which do us
harm ; more than half our aversions to animals are mere
prejudices.

However, it is not evils which can be seen, met, and
understood, that usually frighten children. A child is
told that fire will burn him if he touches it, and if he
has been accustomed to the truth, he believes it; but
he will stay in the room where there is a fire without
fear ; for he knows by experience, that the fire cannot
come to him. But they are frightened with mysterious
ideas of something in the dark — with stories of old men
prowling about to steal them — rats and mice that will
come and bite them, when they are shut up in the
closet, &c.

I cannot find language strong enough to express what
a woman deserves, who embitters the whole existence
of her offspring by filling their minds with such terrific
images. She who can tell a frightful story to her child,
or allow one to be told, ought to have a guardian ap-
pointed over herself.

Let us examine what the motives must be, that lead
to such measures. It is indolence — pure indolence ;
a mother is not willing to take the pains, and practise
the self-denial, which firm and gentle management
requires ; she therefore terrifies her child into obedience.
She implants in his mind a principle that will, in all
probability, make him more or less wretched through
his whole life, merely to save herself a few moments'
trouble ! Very strong minds may overcome, or nearly
overcome, early impressions of this, kind ; but in cases
of weak nerves, or acute natural sensibility, it is utterly
impossible to calculate the extent of*the evil. And all
this to save a little trouble ! What selfishness !

However, Divine Providence has so ordered it, that
whatever is wrong, is really bad policy, as well as bad
morality. c Lazy people must take the most pains' in
the end. Fill your children with fears to make them
obedient, and those very fears become your tyrants.
They cannot go in the dark without you ; and you must
sit by their bedside till sleep relieves them from terror.
All this is the consequence of avoiding a little trouble
in the beginning. Is it not a dear price for the whistle ?

The management of children should vary according
to their character. A very active mind, full of restless
curiosity, does not need to be excited ; but a feeble, or

sluggish, character should be aroused, as much as possi-
ble, by external means. For instance, if there is any
wonderful sight to be seen in the neighborhood, such as
a caravan of animals, a striking picture, wonderful me-
chanism, &c, and if it is inconvenient for you to take
more than one of the children under your care, let the
treat be given to the one whose character most needs to
be aroused. Of course, I do not mean that lazy child-
ren should be entertained, in preference to industrious
ones ; I mean where there is a pre-disposition to dul-
ness owing to early disease, an afflicted state of his
mother's mind before his birth, or while nursing him
&lc ; — in such cases, the thoughts and affections should
be excited with an extraordinary degree of care. A
timid child should be encouraged more than a bold and
confident one ; and if necessary to punish him, means
should be used as little likely to break his spirit as pos-
sible. A boy whftse perceptions are slow, and who
learns with labor and difficulty, should be indulged in
reading a new book, or attending to a new branch of
study, which particularly interests him ; but a boy of
quick perceptions, and ready memory, should be kept
at one thing as long as possible. Such different char-
acters are in danger of totally different defects. One
is in danger of never getting his mind interested in
knowledge, and the other of getting so much interested
in everything, that he will learn nothing well ; there-
fore they should be managed in a manner entirely
opposite.

The same rule holds good with regard to the affec-
tions ; cultivate most those faculties and good feelings,
which appear to be of the slowest growth. If a love

of power early develope itself in one member of your
family with more strength than in the others, subject
that child to more restraint than you do the others.
But in checking him, do not yourself act from a love
of powder : explain to him, at every step, that you gov-
ern him thus strictly, only to assist him in overcoming
a great evil. If you really act from this motive, your
child will perceive it to be true, and will respect you.

There is such an immense variety in human charac-
ter, that it is impossible to give rules adapted to all
cases. The above hints will explain my general
meaning ; and observation and experience will enable a
judicious mother to apply them with wisdom and kind-
ness. \ will merely add to what I have said, the old
proverb, that c An ounce of prevention is worth a pound
of cure.5 — If a child has any evil particularly strong, it
is far better to avoid exciting it, than to punish it when
it is excited. Whatever may be the consequences of
evil, it always gains fresh power over us by every in-
stance of indulgence. As much as possible, keep a
young child out of the way of temptation it is peculiarly
hard for him to resist ; and by reading, by conversation,
by caresses, make him in love with the opposite good ;
when once his feelings are right on the subject, temp-
tation will do him good instead of harm.

When a child is to be punished, he should always be
told calmly, CI am obliged to do this for your good. If
I do not punish you, you will not remember next time.
You have promised two or three times to do as I bade
you, but you always forget it ; now I must make you
suffer a little, that you may remember it.'

A very young child can understand and appreciate

this management. I knew a girl of five years old, who
had the habit of biting her nails so close, that her fin-
gers were perpetually inflamed. Her mother had tried
arguments and various privations, without producing
much effect. One day, the child, as usual, put her fin-
gers to her mouth, to bite her nails ; but suddenly with-
drawing them, she came up to her mother's writing
table, and said, c Mother, slap my hand smartly with
your ruler every time I bite my nails, and then I shall
remember.' Her mother did as she was desired, say-
ing, c I hope you will remember now, and that I shall
never have to do this again.' The girl winced a little,
— for her mother did slap her smartly, though but a
very few times ; but she seemed perfectly satisfied, and
said, < I think that will make me remember it.' For
several days afterward, if she moved her fingers to her
mouth, she would look at the writing table and smile ;
and if her mother perceived her, she whould hold up
her finger in a cautioning manner, and smile also. All
this was done in perfect good-nature on both sides.
After a while, she forgot herself, and bit her nails again ;
her mother wTas not in the room ; but she went, of her
own accord, and avowed the fact, saying, i Mother, give
me a few more slaps than you did before ; and see if
that will make me remember it any longer.' After
that, she never needed correction for the same fault.
This little girl understood the real use of punishment ;
she did not look upon it as a sign of anger, but as a
means of helping her to overcome what was wrong.

Mere fear of suffering never makes a person really
better. It make them conceal what is evil, but it does
not make them conquer it. They must be taught to

dislike what is wrong merely because it is wrong, and
to look upon punishment as a means to help them to
get rid of it. Does sickness, and misery, and ruin de-
ter the vicious from the commission of sin ? Is not
theft indulged at the very foot of the gallows ? If a
man do not hate what is wrong, the mere fear of conse-
quences will never cleanse his heart, though it may re-
gulate his outward behaviour ; and what will mere out-
ward goodness avail him in another world, where there
is no possibility of concealment, or hypocrisy ? What
the child is, the man will probably be ; therefore never
make the avoidance of punishment a reason for avoid-
ing sin.

Having mentioned that a mother slapped her little
girl smartly, I shall very naturally be asked if I approve
of whipping. I certainly do not approve of its very fre-
quent use ; still I am not prepared to say that it is not
the best punishment for some dispositions, and in some
particular cases. I do not believe that most children,
properly brought up from the very cradle, would need
whipping ; but children are not often thus brought up ;
and you may have those placed under your care in
whom evil feelings have become very strong. I think
whipping should be resorted to only when the same
wrong thing has been done over and over again, and
when gentler punishments have failed. A few smart slaps
sometimes do good when nothing else will ; but partic-
ular care should be taken not to correct in anger.

Punishments which make a child ashamed should be

avoided. A sense of degradation is not healthy for the

character. It is a very bad plan for children to be

brought into a room before strangers with a foolscap,

or some bad name, fastened upon them. Indeed, I
think strangers should have as little as possible to do
with the education of children ; to be either praised, or
mortified, before company, makes us care too much
about the opinion of others. I do not mean to incul-
cate a defiance of public opinion ; such contempt springs
from no good feeling, and, like all wrong things, is nei-
ther becoming, nor expedient. The approbation of
others does make us happy, and there is no reason why
it should not; but when we do right because people
will approve of it, we begin at the wrong end. If we
follow conscientiously what we perceive to be good, we
shall be certain never to be misled ; but if we do what
others think right, we shall follow a very uncertain
guide, and pollute the best of actions with a wrong
motive. Nay. worse than all, we shall gradually lose
the perception of what is right ; and if folly and sin are
the fashion, we shall first feel that they are fascinating,
and then begin to reason openly (when we dare) that
there is no harm in them.

Nothing is a safe guide but the honest convictions of
our own hearts. A good man wiU always be respected ;
but he cannot be really good because he shall be
respected for it. Indeed those who have been taught
no holier motive than that of gaining the good opinion
of others, rarely succeed in permanently keeping what
they covet so much. The heart is not right ; and
however clean they may try to keep the outside, at
some unlucky moment hypocrisy will fail them, and
their real character will peep through.

You may tell a cross, discontented-looking woman
that the world would like her face a great deal better,

if it were cheerful and benevolent ; but how is she to
alter the expression of her face ? The mere selfish
wish to be pleasing will not enable her to do it. She
must begin with her heart, and religiously drive from
thence all unkind and discontented feelings.

What a change would take place in the world if men
were always governed by internal principle ! If they
would make pure the hidden fountain, the light might
shine upon the wandering stream, and find it clear and
stainless in all its windings !

I have heard parents say to children, ' If you don't get
your lessons better, you will grow up a dunce, and every-
body luill laugh at you.' The thing to which they are
urged is good, but the motive is wrong. If young
people are taught to regulate their actions by a dread
of the world's laugh, they will be mil as likely to be
deterred from good, as from evil. It would be much
better to say, c If you grow up in ignorance, you cannot
do half as much good in the world, as you can if you
gain all the knowledge in your power. Now. while
you are young, is the best time to fit yourself for being
useful.5

I once heard a boy say, ' Well, mother, I got a grand
ride to-day. Last week I told a man one of his wagon
wheels was coming off; and when I was walking home
from school to-day, the same man overtook me, and
asked me to get in and ride. You always told me,
if I helped others, they would help me.7 This is a
common case. Parents are in the habit of telling child-
ren, < If you will be good, you will lose nothing by it.'
This is poisoning the act in the motive. It is not true
that we always meet a return for kindness and generos-

ity ; whoever expects it will be disappointed ; and not
being accustomed to act from any better motive, they
will cease to be benevolent, except when they are sure
of reward. We should look for the recompense of
goodness in our own hearts ; there we shall certainly
find it. The reward is in keeping the commandments,
not for keeping them.

Children should be induced to kindness by such mo-
tives as the following : ' God is very good to us, and
ought we not to be so to others ? The Bible tells us
to do to others as we would be done by ; and you know
very well how pleasant it is when you are in trouble to
have other people pity you and help you. When you
do good to others, does it not make you very happy V

People sometimes double a boy's lesson because he
has not behaved well. This is a very bad plan. If
his book is used as a punishment, how can you expect
him to love it? For the same reason, never tell a child
he shall stay at home from school if he is good ; this
gives him the idea that going to school is a task. On
the contrary, make all his associations with school as
pleasant as possible. Speak of the kindness of the in-
structer in taking so much pains to teach him ; encour-
age him in telling you about what he has learned;
show pleasure at the progress he makes ; and tell him
how useful he will be when he is a man, if he continues
so industrious and persevering.

Never offer money as a reward for doing right.
Money and praise become necessary if once habituated
to them ; so much so, that it is impossible to act without
some selfish excitement. Money is the worst stimulus
of the two ; for avarice is more contemptible and inju-

rious in its effects than a too earnest desire for the good
opinion of others.

At the same time, guard against wastefulness and pro-
digality. Teach children to be very economical —
never to cut up good pieces of calico, or paper, for no pur-
pose — never to tear old picture-books, destroy old play-
things, burn twine, or spend every cent they receive
for cake and sugar-plums. But as a reason for not
destroying, tell them these things will come in use.
Encourage them in laying up money to buy an orange
for a sick neighbor, a pair of shoes for a poor boy, or a
present to surprise his sister on her birth-day — anything,
— no matter what, — that is not for himself alone. He
will thus learn the value of money, without becoming sel-
fish. To avoid the danger of engrafting avarice upon hab-
its of care, earnestly encourage children to be generous in
giving and lending to each other ; and show peculiar
delight when they voluntarily share anything of which
they are particularly fond. If a child has in any way
acquired a tendency to parsimony, take extraordinary
pains to make him feel very happy when he has been
generous. Praise him even more than you would think
safe under any other circumstances ; for it is always pru-
dent to assist a child most in those points where he is
the weakest. To be sure, your approbation is not the
best motive he might have ; but it is better than the
hope of public applause ; and moreover it is the best
motive from which he can act, until he gets rid of his
bad habit. Help him to overcome the obstacle which
habit has thrown in his way, and he will gradually learn
to love generosity for its own sake.

Habits of carelessness, such as leaving things lying
4*

about, blotting books, reciting in a jumbled manner, or
jumping hastily at incorrect conclusions, kc. should be
resolutely and promptly checked. Defects of this sort
are the origin of numerous evils. Many a failure in
business, many a disordered household, may be traced
to the indulgence of these habits in early life. I speak
feelingly on this subject ; for years of self-education
have hardly yet enabled me to cure the evil. I have
made mistakes both in conversation and writing, con-
cerning things which I knew perfectly well, merely
from an early habit of heedlessness. It has cost me
much mortification and many tears ; punishments which
certainly have improved my habits, and riiay in time
cure them.

Xo single instance of carelessness should be over-
looked. If a little girl cannot find her gloves, or her
bonnet, when you are about to take a walk, oblige her
to stay at home. Let no tears and entreaties induce
you to excuse it. I dare say, it may sometimes be pain-
ful to you to pursue this course ; but for your child's
sake, have resolution enough to do it.

If a boy loses his book, and cannot therefore get his
lesson at the usual time, see that he is deprived of his
play-hours in order to learn it. If he habitually forgets
his book, send him back to the school-house for it, even
if it be cold weather, and a great distance.

If a girl is always losing her thimble, do not
lend her one ; let her hurt her finger a little by sewing
without one. These small cruelties in the beginning
will save a great deal of future suffering. In order to
leave no excuse for carelessness, children should be pro-
vided with a proper place for everything, and taught
always to put it there, as soon as they have done using it.

Perhaps there is no evil into which children so easily
and so universally fall, as that of lying.

The temptation to it is strong, and therefore the en-
couragement to veracity should be proportionably strong.
If a child breaks anything and honestly avows it, do
not be angry with him. If candor procures a scolding,
besides the strong effort it naturally costs, depend upon
it, he will soon be discouraged. In such cases, do not
speak till you can control yourself — say, i I am glad
you told me. It was a very valuable article, and I am
truly sorry it is broken ; but it wTould have grieved me
much more to have had my son deceive me.5 And
having said this, do not reproachfully allude to the ac-
cident afterward. I was about to say that children
should never be punished for what was honestly avowTed ;
but perhaps there may be some cases where they will
do again and again what they know to be wrong, from
the idea that an avowal will excuse them ; in this case,
they tell the truth from policy, not from conscience ;
and they should be reasoned with, and punished. How-
ever, it is the safe side to forgive a good deal, rather
than run any risk of fostering habits of deception.
Should you at any time discover your child in a lie,
treat it with great solemnity. Let him see that it
grieves you, and strikes you w^ith horror, as the worst of
all possible faults. Do not restore him to your confi-
dence and affection, until you see his heart is really
touched by repentance. If falsehood becomes a habit
with him, do not tempt him to make up stories, by ask-
ing him to detail all the circumstances connected with
the affair he has denied. Listen coldly to what he
says, and let him see by your manner, that you do not

ask him questions, because you have not the least con-
fidence in his telling the truth. But remember to en-
courage, as well as discourage. Impress upon his mind
that God will help him to get rid of the evil whenever
he really wishes to get rid of it ; and that every temp-
tation he overcomes will make the next one more easy.
Receive any evidence of his truth and integrity with
delight and affection ; let him see that your heart is full
of joy that he has gained one victory over so great a
fault.

Let your family never hear trifling deceptions glossed
over by any excuses ; speak of them with unlimited
abhorrence and contempt.

Above all things, let your own habits be of the strict-
est truth. Examine closely ! You will be surprised to
find in how many little things we all act insincerely. I
have at this moment in my memory a friend, who pro-
bably would be very indignant to be told she did not
speak the truth ; and I dare say, on all that she deem-
ed important occasions, she might be relied on ; yet she
did deceive her children. True, she thought it was
for their good ; but that was a mistake of hers ; decep-
tion never produces good. I one evening saw her re-
move a plate of plum-cake from the tea-table to the
closet. Her youngest daughter asked for a piece ; the
reply was, ; It is all gone. — Puss came and ate it up ;'
at the same time the mother winked to a little girl, two
or three years older, not to tell that she had seen her
put it in the closet. There is an old proverb about kill-
ing two birds with one stone — here two daughters were
injured by one lie. The youngest was deceived, and
the oldest was taught to participate in the deception.

Mere experience would soon teach the little girl that the
cat did not eat the cake ; and having found that her
mother would lie. she would in all probability dispute
her even when she spoke the truth. And after all,
what use is there in resorting to such degrading expe-
dients ? Why not tell the child, ; The plum-cake is
in the closet : but it is not good for you at night, and I
shall not give you a piece until morning V If she had
been properly educated, this would have satisfied her;
and if she chose to be troublesome, being put to bed
without her supper would teach her a lesson for the future.

A respect for the property of others must be taught
children ; for until they are instructed, they have very
loose ideas upon the subject. A family of children
cannot be too much urged and encouraged to be gene-
rous in lending and giving to each other ; but they
should be taught a scrupulous regard for each other's
property. They should never use each other's things,
without first asking. ( Brother, may I have your sled V
c Sister, may I have your book?' &zc. They should be
taught to put them carefully in place, when they have
done using them ; and should be impressed with the
idea that it is a greater fault to injure another's property.
than to be careless of our own. If any little barter has
been made, and a dispute afterward arises, hear both
sides with perfect impartiality, and allow no departure
from what was promised in the bargain. From such
little things as these, children receive their first ideas of
honesty and justice.

Some children, from errors in early management, get
possessed with the idea that they may have everything.
They even tease for things it would be impossible

to give them. A child properly managed will sel-
dom ask twice for what you have once told him he
should not have. But if you have the care of one,
who has acquired this habit, the best way to cure him
of it is never to give him what he asks for, whether his
request is proper or not ; but at the same time be care-
ful to give him such things as he likes, (provided they
are proper for him) when he does not ask for them.
This will soon break him of the habit of teasing.

I have said much in praise of gentleness. I cannot
say too much. Its effects are beyond calculation, both
on the affections and the understanding. The victims
of oppression and abuse are generally stupid, as well as
selfish and hard-hearted. How can we wonder at it ?
They are all the time excited to evil passions, and no-
body encourages what is good in them. We might as
well expect flowers to grow amid the cold and storms
of winter.

But gentleness, important as it is, is not all that is re-
quired in education. There should be united with it
firmness — great firmness. Commands should be rea-
sonable, and given in perfect kindness ; but once given,
it should be known that they must be obeyed. I heard
a lady once say, ' For my part, I cannot be so very
strict with my children. I love them too much to pun-
ish them every time they disobey me.' I will relate a
scene which took place in her family. She had but
one domestic, and at the time to which I allude, she
was very busy preparing for company. Her children
knew by experience that when she was in a hurry she
would indulge them in anything for the sake of having
them out of the way. George began, ' Mother. I want

a piece of mince-pie.' The answer was, 'It is nearly
bed-time; and mince-pie will hurt you. You shall
have a piece of cake, if you will sit down and be still.'
The boy ate his cake ; and liking the system of being
hired to sit still, he soon began again, c Mother, I want
a piece of mince-pie.' The old answer was repeated.
The child stood his ground, ' Mother, I want a piece of
mince-pie — I ivant a piece — I want a piece,' was re-
peated incessantly. ' Will you leave off teasing, if I
give you a piece ?' ' Yes, I will, — certain true.' A
small piece was given, and soon devoured. With his
mouth half full, he began again, c I want another piece —
I want another piece.' 'No, George; I shall not give
you another mouthful. Go sit down, you naughty boy.
You always act the worst when I am going to have
company.' George continued his teasing; and at last
said, ' If you don't give me another piece, I'll roar.'
This threat not being attended to, he kept his word.
Upon this, the mother seized him by the shoulder, shook
him angrily, saying, ' Hold your tongue, you naughty
boy !' i I will if you will give me another piece of pie,'
said he. Another small piece was given him, after he
had promised that he certainly would not tease any
more. As soon as he had eaten it, he, of course began
again ; and with the additional threat, i If you don't
give me a piece, I will roar after the company comes,
so loud that they can all hear me.' The end of all
this was that the boy had a sound whipping, was put
to bed, and could not sleep all night, because the mince-
pie made his stomach ache. What an accumulation of
evils in this little scene ! His health injured. — his pro-
mises broken with impunity, — his mother's promises

broken, — the knowledge gained that he could always
vex her when she was in a hurry, — and that he could
gain what he would by teasing. He always acted upon
the same plan afterward ; for he only once in a while,
(when he made liis mother very angry) got a whipping ;
but he was always sure to obtain what he asked for, if
he teased long enough. His mother told him the plain
truth, when she said the mince-pie would hurt him;
but he did not know whether it was the truth, or wheth-
er she only said it to put him off: for he knew that she
did sometimes deceive. (She was the woman who said
the cat had eaten the cake.) When she gave him the
pie, he had reason to suppose it was not true it would
hurt him — else why should a kind mother give it to
her child : Had she told him that if he asked a second
time, she should put him to bed directly — and had she
kept her promise, in spite of entreaties, — she would have
saved him a whipping, and herself a great deal of unne-
cessary trouble. And who can calculate all the whip-
pings, and all the trouble, she would have spared herself
and him ! I do not remember ever being in her house
half a day without witnessing some scene of conten-
tion with the children.

Now let me introduce you to another acquaintance.
She was in p: e same situation, having a com-

fortable income and one domestic ; but her children
were much more numerous, and she had had very limit-
ed advantazes for education. Yet she managed her
family better than any woman I ever saw, or ever ex-
pect to see again. I will relate a scene I witnessed
there, by way of contrast to the one I have just describ-
ed. Myself and several friends once entered her par-

lor unexpectedly, just as the family were seated at the
supper-table. A little girl, about four years old, was
obliged to be removed, to make room for us. Her moth-
er assured her she should have her supper in a very lit-
tle while, if she was a good girl. The child cried ; and
the guests insisted that room should be made for her at
table. c No/ said the mother ; c I have told her she
must wait ; and if she cries, I shall be obliged to send
her to bed. If she is a good little girl, she shall have
her supper directly.7 The child could not make up
her mind to obey ; and her mother led her out of the
room, and gave orders that she should be put to bed with-
out supper. When my friend returned, her husband
said, c Hannah, that was a hard case. The poor child lost
her supper, and was agitated by the presence of stran-
gers. I could hardly keep from taking her on my knee
and giving her some supper. Poor little thing ! But I
never will interfere with your management ; and much
as it went against my feelings, I entirely approve of
what you have done.' ' It cost me a struggle/ replied
his wife ; c but I know it is for the good of the child to
be taught that I mean exactly what I say.'

This family was the most harmonious, affectionate,
happy family I ever knew. The children were man-
aged as easily as a flock of lambs. After a few unsuc-
cessful attempts at disobedience, when very young, they
gave it up entirely ; and always cheerfully acted from
the conviction that their mother knew best. This fam-
ily was governed with great strictness ; firmness was
united with gentleness. The indulgent mother, who
said she loved her children too much to punish them,
5

was actually obliged to punish them ten times as much
as the strict mother did.

The husband's remark leads me to say something
of the great importance of a perfect union between
husband and wife. A want of this in education is
like mildew in spring. A mother should never object
to a father's punishing a child when he thinks pro-
per ; at least she should not do it before the child.
Suggestions to each other may, of course, be made
in all the freedom of mutual respect and affection.
One parent should never allow a child to do what the
other has forbidden ; no expression of disapprobation
concerning management should ever be made by either
party, except when alone. A young child ought never
to suspect it is possible for his parents to think differ-
ently concerning what relates to his education. 4 Per-
haps you will ask, if after all I have said in praise of
truth, I approve of concealment and deception in this
particular. But you will please to recollect it is not
truth which I advise to have concealed in this instance,
it is only a difference of opinion. The child not be-
ing old enough to understand the reasons why his pa-
rents differ, cannot receive any good from the discussion.
Implicit obedience is the first law of childhood. The
simple belief that their parents know what is best, is all
the light children have to follow, at first. If they see
their parents do not agree between themselves as to
what is right, it naturally weakens their confidence, and
makes them uncertain which they ought to obey. ' My
dear, I don't approve of your management' — or, 'I
should not have allowed him to do as you have done' —
or, ' Your father may approve of it, but I don't' — are

very improper and imjurious expressions. If you dif-
fer in your ideas of education , take a proper opportu-
nity to discuss the matter in freedom and kindness ;
but do not weaken the respect of your children by ex-
pressing doubts of each other's good judgment in their
presence. It is hardly possible to exaggerate the bad
effects of discord between parents ; and the blessed in-
fluence of domestic union may well be compared to a
band of guardian angels protecting innocence from all
evil things.

If your marriage has been an unfortunate one — if
the influence of a father may not be trusted — or if he
delights in thwarting your well-meant endeavors — I
know not what to say. If patience, humility and love
cannot win him to a sense of duty, the only thing you
can do, is to redouble your vigilance for the good of
your children, and as far as possible withdraw them
from his influence. Until it becomes an imperious
duty, never speak of a parent's errors ; unless there is
great danger of their being imitated, let a thick veil rest
upon them. But why should I dwell upon a case so
unnatural, so wretched, and so hopeless ? If such be
your unhappy lot, pray to God, and he will give you
light to make the path of duty clear before you. He
alone can help you.

5-2

CHAP. V.

PLAYTHINGS. — AMUSEMENTS. — EMPLOYMENTS.

In infancy the principal object is to find such toys as
are at once attractive and safe. During the painful
process of teething, a large ivory ring, or a dollar worn
smooth, are good, on account of the ease they give the
gums ; they should be fastened to a string — but not a
green one, or any other from which a babe can suck
the colors. Painted toys are not wholesome at this
a^e, when children are so prone to convey everything
to the mouth. A bunch of keys is a favorite plaything
with babies. Indeed anything they can move about,
and cause to produce a noise, is pleasant to them, I
have seen infants amuse themselves, for hours, with a
strins; of very large wooden beads, or shining buttons ,
perhaps it is needless to say that no buttons but steel,
wood, or ivory, are safe ; if they have any portion of
brass about them, they are injurious : another caution,
perhaps equally unnecessary, is, that playthings small
enough to be swallowed should be tied together with a
very strong string, from which no color can be extracted.
When children are a few months older, blocks of wood,
which can be heaped up and knocked down at pleasure-,
become favorite playthings. A pack of old cards are
perhaps liked still better, on account of their bright
colors and pictured faces. Such sort of toys are a great
deal better than expensive ones. I do not think it a
s;ood plan to give children old almanacs, pamphlets,

&c, to tear up. How can they distinguish between the
value of one book and another ? Children, who have
been allowed to tear worthless books, may tear good
ones, without the least idea that they are doing any harm.
As soon as it is possible to convey instruction by toys,
it is well to choose such as will be useful. The letters
of the alphabet on pieces of bone are excellent for this
purpose. I have known a child of six years old teach
a baby-brother to read quite well, merely by playing
with his ivory letters. In all that relates to developing
the intellect, very young children should not be hurried,
or made to attend when they do not wish to. When
they are playing with their letters, and you are at leisure,
take pains to tell them the name of each one, as often
as they ask; but do not urge them. No matter if it
takes them three weeks to learn one letter ; they will
not want their knowledge in a hurry. When the large
letters are learned, give them the small ones. When
both are mastered, place the letters together in some
small word, such as C A T ; point to the letters, name
them, and pronounce cat distinctly. After a few les-
sons, the child will know what letters to place together
in order to spell cat. Do not try to teach him a new
word, until he is perfectly master of the old one ; and
do not try to force his attention to his letters, when he
is weary, fretful and sleepy, or impatient to be doing
something else. In this, as indeed in all other respects,
an infant's progress is abundantly more rapid, if taught
by a brother, or sister, nearly of his own age. The
reason is, their little minds are in much the same state
as their pupil's ; they are therefore less liable than our-
selves to miscalculate his strength, or force him beyond
5*

his speed. Among instructive toys may be ranked
balls arranged together so as to be counted.

Every step of infantile progress should be encouraged
by expressions of surprise and pleasure. When a child
is able to spell a new word, or count a new number,
kiss him, and show delight at his improvement. Sir
Benjamin West relates that his mother kissed him
eagerly, when he showed her a likeness he had sketched
of his baby-sister ; and he adds, c That kiss made me a
painter ! 9

I have before shown that the same rule applies to the
affections — that it is better to encourage what is right,
than to punish what is wrong. Nothing strengthens a
child in goodness, or enables him to overcome a fault,
so much as seeing his efforts excite a sudden and earnest
expression of love and joy.

For children of two or three years old, pictures are
great sources of amusement and instruction. Engrav-
ings of animals on large cards are very good things. It
is a great object to have proportion observed ; if a child
have a very small picture of an elephant, and a very
large one of a mouse, it will lead him to the conclusion
that a mouse is as large as an elephant. Children
should be encouraged in talking about the engravings
they look at ; and the different parts should be pointed
out and explained to them. Thus if a palm-tree is
placed near the picture of an elephant, the attention
should be drawn to it, and it should be explained to
them that it is not the picture of any tree in this coun-
try ; (that is, in New England,) but that in Asia and
Africa, where elephants live, palm-trees are very com-
mon, If a child is old enough to understand it, some

account of this useful tree may be given advantageously ;
he can be told that it yields palm-oil, palm-wine,
that its leaves are manufactured into fans, &c. But if
he is not old enough to feel interested in such an account,
do not trouble him with it. The object of pointing out
all the details of an engraving, and explaining them,
when they differ from what he is accustomed to see, is
merely to give habits of observation, and arouse a spirit
of inquiry.

1 think it is very important that disproportioned, badly
drawn pictures should not be placed in the hands of
children. No matter how coarse or common they are,
but let them be correct imitations of nature ; if they are
graceful, as well as correct, so much the better. Good
taste is of less consequence f than good feelings, good
principles^ and good sense ; but it certainly is of conse-
quence, and should not uselessly be perverted or de-
stroyed. I believe. the sort of pictures children are
accustomed to see have an important effect in forming
their taste. The very beggar-boys of Italy will observe
a defect in the proportions of a statue, or a picture ;
and the reason is, that fine sculpture and paintings are
in their churches, and about their streets.

Playthings that children make for themselves are a
great deal better than those which are bought for them.
They employ them a much longer time, they exercise
ingenuity, and they really please them more. A little
girl had better fashion her cups and saucers of acorns,
than to have a set of earthern ones supplied. A boy
takes ten times more pleasure in a little wooden sled he
has pegged together, than he would in a painted and gilded
carriage brought from the toy-shop ; and I do not believe

any expensive rocking-horse ever gave so much satis-
faction, as I have seen a child in the country take with
a long-necked squash, which he had bridled and placed
on four sticks. There is a peculiar satisfaction in invent-
ing things for one's self. No matter if the construction
is clumsy and awkward ; it employs time, (which is a
great object in childhood) and the pleasure the inven-
tion gives is the first impulse to ingenuity and skill.
For this reason, the making of little boats, and mechan-
ical toys should not be discouraged; and when any
difficulty occurs above the powers of a child, assistance
should be cheerfully given. If the parents are able to
explain the principles on which machines are constructed,
the advantage will be tenfold.

Cutting figures in paper is a harmless and useful
amusement for those who are old enough to be trusted
with scissors ; which by the way, should always be
blunt-pointed. Any glaring disproportion in the figures
should be explained to a child, and he should be en-
couraged to make his little, imitations as much like na-
ture as possible. There is at present a little boy in
Boston, who at two years old took a great fancy to cut-
ting figures in paper. In the course of six or eight years,
he actually wore out five or six pairs of scissors in the
service. He cuts with astonishing rapidity, and appa-
rently without any thought ; yet he will produce little
landscapes, or groups, as beautiful and spirited as the
best engravings. At first he began by copying things
he had before him; but he afterward attained to so
much skill, that he easily invented his own designs.
This talent has enabled him to do a great deal for the
support of his parents, who are not rich.

Drawing figures on a slate is a favorite amusement
with children ; and it may prove a very useful one, if
pains are taken to point out errors, and induce them to
make correct imitations. Young people should be
taught that it is not well to be careless in doing even
the most trifling things — that whatever is worthy of
being ^tone at all, is worthy of being well done.

Some distinguished writers on education have objected
to dolls, as playthings which lead to a love of dress and
finery. I do not consider them in this light. If a
mother's influence does not foster a love of finery, I
think there is very little danger of its being produced
by dressing dolls. I like these toys for various reasons.
They afford a quiet amusement ; they exercise ingenuity
in cutting garments, and neatness in sewing ; they can
be played with in a prodigious variety of ways ; and so
far as they exercise the affections, their influence is
innocent and pleasant. No doubt dolls sometimes excite
very strong affection. Miss Hamilton tells of a little
girl, who had a limb amputated at the hospital. She
bore the operation with great fortitude, hugging her doll
in her arms all the time. When it 'was completed, the
surgeon playfully said, ' Now let me cut off your doll's
leg.' This speech produced a torrent of tears, and the
little creature could hardly be pacified. She had borne
her own sufferings patiently, but she could not endure
that her doll should be hurt. I know that this tender-
ness for inanimate things is not the best employment for
the affections ; but so far as it goesu it is good. For
the same reason, and in a similar degree, I think pet
animals have a good effect ; but care should be taken
to choose such as are happy in a domesticated state.

I cannot think it is right to keep creatures, that must
be confined in cages and boxes ; no pleasure can be
good, which is so entirely selfish.

It is a benefit to children to have the care of feeding
animals, such as lambs, chickens, &c. It answers two
good purposes — it excites kindness, and a love of use-
fulness.

Amusements and employments which lead to exer-
cise in the open air have greatly the advantage of all
others. In this respect, I would make no difference
between the management of boys and girls. Gardening,
sliding, skating, and snow-balling, are all as good for
girls as for boys. Are not health and cheerful spirits as
necessary for one, as the other ? It is a universal remark
that American women are less vigorous and rosy, than
women of other climates ; and that they are peculiarly
subject to disorders of the chest and the spine. I
believe the sole reason of this is, that our employments
and amusements lead us so little into the open air.

I am aware that many people object to such plays as
I have recommended to girls, from the idea that they
will make them rude and noisy. I do not believe this
would be the case if the influences within doors favored
gentleness and politeness ; and even if there were any
danger of this sort, how much easier it is to acquire
elegance in after life, than it is to regain health. When
it is considered what a loss of usefulness, as well as
comfort, is attendant upon ill health, I think all will
agree that a vigorous constitution is the greatest of
earthly blessings.

When I say that skating and sliding are proper
amusements for girls, I do not, of course, mean that

they should mix in a public crowd. Such sports, when
girls unite in them, should be confined to the inmates of
the house, and away from all possibility of contact with
the rude and vicious. Under these circumstances, a
girl's manners cannot be injured by such wholesome
recreations. To snow-ball, or slide, with well-behaved
brothers every day, cannot, I am sure, tend to make a
girl rude and boisterous. I know one very striking
instance of the truth of what I assert ; and no doubt
the memory of my readers will supply similar proofs.
Mrs John Adams, wife of the second President of the
United States, and mother of the sixth, was very re-
markable for the elegance and dignity of her man-
ners. Even amid the splendor of foreign courts,
she was considered a distinguished ornament. Yet
Mrs Adams had not been brought up in petted indo-
lence, or shut from the sun and air, for fear of injury
to her beauty, or her gracefulness. She was a capa-
ble, active, and observing woman; and while she was
the admiration of European courts, she knew how to
make butter and cheese as well as any woman in
Weymouth, which was her native place. In the
latter part of her life, she was one day passing the
home of her childhood, in company with an intimate
friend ; she paused and looked at a long lane near the
house, saying in an animated tone, ' Oh, how many
hours and hours I have driven hoop up and down that
lane !' As might be expected, Mrs Adams enjoyed a
hale and happy old age. Among the other good effects
of her example, she has left a practical lesson to her
country-women, that refined elegance is perfectly com-
patible with driving hoop in the open air.

I cannot pass over the subject of amusements, without
saying something in relation to children's balls and
parties. I do not believe human ingenuity ever invented
anything worse for the health, heart, or happiness —
anything at once so ^poisonous to body and soul. I do
not, of course, refer to a social intercourse between the
children of different families — that should be encour-
aged— -I mean regular parties, in imitation of high-life
— where children eat confectionary, stay late, dress in
finery, talk nonsense, and affect what they do not feel —
just as their elders in the fashionable world do. It is a
heart-sickening sigEt to see innocent creatures thus early
trained to vanity and affectation. In mercy to your
children, trust not their purity and peace in such a sickly
and corrupting atmosphere. ' Who was your b.eau last
night ?' said a girl of eight years old to another of ten.
'I danced twice with George Wells,' was the reply. ' Did
you wear your pink sash, or your blue one ?' I could
have wept in very pity for the guileless young creatures,
into whose cup of life poison had been so early poured !
I speak the more earnestly on this subject, because it
has become so general a habit with all classes of people
to indulge children in balls and parties.

As for dancing, within and of itself, I see no objection
to it. It is a healthy, innocent, and graceful recreation.
The vanity and dissipation, of which it has usually been
the accompaniment, have brought it into disrepute with
the conscientious. But if dancing is made to serve the
purpose, which all accomplishments should serve, —
that of ministering to the pleasure of father, mother,
brothers, sisters and friends, — it is certainly innocent
and becoming. I do not mean to imply that it is wrong
to dance anywhere else but at home. — I simply mean

Wk %

61 \

that girls should not learn an accomplishment for the
purpose of display among strangers. Let them learn
anything which your income allows^ (without a diminu-
tion of comfort or benevolence) — tut teach them to
acquire it as a means of future usefulness, as a pleasant
resource, or for the sake of making home agreeable —
not with the hope of exciting admiratio^ abroad.

It is very important, and very difficult, to furnish
young children with sufficient employment. What we
call a natural love of mischief, is iri fact nothing but ac-
tivity. Children are restless for employment; they
must have something to do ; and, if they are not fur-
nished with what is useful or innocent, they will do
mischief. No one who has not lived with a family of
children can realize how very difficult it is to keep a
child of five or six years old employed. It is a good
plan to teach little girls to knit, to weave bobbin, watch-
guards, chains, &c. Making patchwork is likewise a
quiet amusement ; and if ft child is taught to fit it her-
self, it may be made really useful. If the corners are
not fitted exactly, or the sewing done neatly, it should
be taken to pieces and fitted again g for it is by inatten-
tion to these little things that habits of carelessness are
formed. On no occasion whatever should a child be
excused from finishing what she has begun. The cus-
tom of having half a dozen things on hand at once,
should not be tolerated. Everything should be finished,
and well finished. It ought to be considered a disgrace
to give up anything, after it is once undertaken. Habits
of perseverance are of incalculable importance ; and a
parent should earnestly improve the most trifling oppor-
tunities of impressing this truth. Even in so small a
6

thing as untying a knot, a boy should be taught to think
it unmanly to be either impatient or discouraged.

Always encourage a child in fitting her own work,
and arranging her own playthings. Few things are
more valuable, in this changing world, than the power
of taking care of ourselves. It is a useful thing for
children to make a little shirt exactly after the model of
a large one, fitting all the parts themselves, after you
have furnished them with a model of each part in paper.
Knitting may be learned still earlier than sewing. I
am sorry to see this old fashioned accomplishment so
universally discarded. It is a great resource to the
aged ; and women, in all situations of life, have so many
lonely hours, that they cannot provide themselves with
too many resources in youth. For this reason I would
indulge girls in learning anything that did not interfere
with their duties, provided I could afford it as well as
not ; such as all kinds of ornamental work, boxes, bas-
kets, purses, &c. Every new acquirement, however
trifling, is an additional resource against poverty and
depression of spirits.

The disposition to help others should be cherished
as much as possible. Even very little children are
happy when they think they^are useful. c I can do
some good — can't I, mother ?' is one of the first ques-
tions asked. To encourage this spirit, indulge children
in assisting you, even when their exertions are full as
much trouble as profit. Let them go out with their
little basket, to weed the garden, to pick peas for din-
ner, to feed the chickens, &c. It is true they will at
first need constant overseeing, to prevent them from
pulling up flowers as well as weeds ; but then it em-

ploys them innocently, and makes them happy ; and if
dealt gently with, they soon learn to avoid mistakes. In the
house, various things may be found to employ children.
They may dust the chairs, and wipe the spoons, and
teach a younger brother his lessons, &c. As far as pos-
sible keep a child always employed — either sewing or
knitting, or reading, or playing, or studying, or walking.
Do not let them form habits of listlessness and lounging.
If they endeavor to assist you, and do mischief while
they are really trying to do their best, do not scold at
them ; merely explain to them how they should have
gone to work, and give them a lesson of carefulness in
future.

As girls grow older they should be taught to take the
entire care of their own clothes, and of all the light and
easy work necessary in their own apartments.

I have said less about boys, because it is not so diffi-
cult to find employment foruhem as for girls. The
same general rules apply to botii. Boys should be al-
lowed to assist others, when they possibly can, and
should be encouraged in all sorts of ingenious experi-
ments not absolutely mischievous. In general it is a
good rule to learn whatever we can, without interfering
with our duties. My grand-mother used to say, ' Lay
by all scraps and fragments, and they will be sure to
come in use in seven years.' I would make the same
remark with regard to scraps and fragments of know-
ledge. It is impossible for us to foresee in youth, what
will be the circumstances of our after fife ; the kind of
information, which at one period seems likely to be of
very little use to us, may become very important. If I
happened to be thrown into the society of those who

excelled in any particular branch, I would gain all the
information I could, without being obtrusive. No mat-
ter whether it be poetry, or puddings, — making shoes,
or making music, — riding a horse, or rearing a grape-
vine ; — it is well to learn whatever comes in one's way,
provided it does not interfere with the regular discharge
of duty. It was a maxim with the great Sir William
Jones, ' never to lose an opportunity of learning any-
thing/

CHAP. VI.

THE SABBATH.— RELIGION.

It is a great misfortune for people to imbibe in the
days of childhood, a dislike of the Sabbath, or a want
of reverence for its sacred character. Some parents,
from a conscientious wish to have the Sabbath kept
holy, restrain children in the most natural and innocent
expressions of gayety — if they laugh, or jump, or touch
their play-things, they are told that it is wicked to do
so, because it is Sunday. — The result of this excessive
strictness is that the day becomes hateful to them. They
learn to consider it a period of gloom and privation ;
and the Bible and the church become distasteful, be-
cause they are associated with it. A little girl of my
acquaintance, in the innocence of her heart, once made
an exclamation, which showed what she really thought

of Sunday. She had long been very anxious to go to the
theatre ; and when she was about six or seven years old,
her wish was very injudiciously gratified. The after-
piece happened to be Der Freyschutz, a horrible Ger-
man play, in which wizards, devils, and flames are the
principal agents. The child's terror increased until her
loud sobs made it necessary to carry her home. i What
is the matter with my darling ?' asked her grandmother
— < Don't she love to go to the theatre?' < Oh, grand-
mother!' exclaimed the sobbing child, c it is a great
deal worse than going to meeting !' My motive in men-
tioning this anecdote will not, of course, be misunder-
stood. Nothing is farther from my intentions than to
throw ridicule upon any place of worship. It is merely
introduced to show that Sunday was so unpleasantly
associated in the child's mind, as to make her involun-
tarily compare it with anything disagreeable or painful ;
being restrained at home every moment of the day,
made the necessary restraint at church irksome to her ;
whereas with proper management it might have been a
pleasant variety.

Some parents, on the other hand, go to the opposite
extreme ; and from the fear of making the Sabbath
gloomy, they make no distinction between that and other
days. This is the most dangerous extreme of the two.
A reverence for the Sabbath, even if it be a mere mat-
ter of habit, and felt to be a restraint, is very much
better than no feeling at all upon the subject. But it
appears to me that a medium between the two extremes
is both easy and expedient. Children under five or six
years old cannot sit still and read all day ; and being
impossible, it should not be required of them. They
6*

may be made to look on a book, but they cannot be
made to feel interested in it, hour after hour. Child-
hood is so restless, so active, and so gay, that such re-
quirements will be felt and resisted as a state of bon-
dage. Moreover, if a child is compelled to keep his
eyes on a book, when he does not want to read, it will
early give the impression that mere outward observan-
ces constitute religion. It is so much easier to perform
external ceremonies than it is to drive away evil feelings
from our hearts, that mankind in all ages have been
prone to trust in them. They who think they are re-
ligious merely because they attend church regularly,
and read a chapter in the Bible periodically, labor
precisely under the same mistake as the Mahometan,
who expects to save his soul, by travelling barefoot
to Mecca, or the East Indian Fakir, who hangs with
his head downward several hours each day, in order to
prove his sanctity. ^ There is no real religipn that does
not come from the heart; outward observances are
worth nothing except they spring from inward feeling.
In ail ages and countries we find men willing to endure
every species of privation and suffering, nay even death
itself, for the sake of going to heaven ; but very few
are willing that the Lord should purify their hearts from
selfish feelings. Like the leper of old they are willing
to do some great thing, but they will not obey the sim-
ple injunction to c wash and be clean.' :*

This tendency to trust in what is outward is so
strong in human nature that great care should be taken
not to strengthen it by education. Children should
always be taught to judge whether their actions are
right, by the motives which induced the actions. Reli-

gion should be made as pleasant as possible to their feel-
ings, and all particular rules and prohibitions should be
avoided.

Quiet is the first idea which a young child can re-
ceive of the Sabbath ; therefore I would take no notice
of his playing with his kitten, or his blocks, so long as
he kept still. If he grew noisy, I should then say to
him, ' You must not make a noise today ; for it is the
Sabbath day, and I wish to be quiet, and read good
books. If you run about it disturbs me.'

I make these remarks with regard to very young
children. As soon as they are old enough to read and
take an interest in religious instruction, I would have
playthings put away ; but I would not compel them to
refrain from play, before I gave them something else to
interest their minds. I would make a difference in their
playthings. The noisy rattle and the cart which have
amused them during the week, should give place to
picture-books, the kitten, little blocks, or any quiet
amusement.

If the heads of a family keep the Sabbath with sobri-
ety and stillness, the spirit of the day enters into the
hearts of the children. I have seen children of three
and four years old, who were habitually more quiet on
day than on any other day, merely from the sooth-
ing influence of example. -

A child should be accustomed to attend public worship
as early as possible ; and the walk to and from church
should be made pleasant, by calling his attention to
agreeable objects. When his little heart is delighted
with the lamb, or the dove, or the dog, or the flower,
you have pointed out to him, take that opportunity to

tell him God made all these things, and that he ha:
provided everything for their comfort, because he is
very kind. We are too apt to forget God, except in
times of affliction, and to remind children of him only
during some awful manifestation of his power ; such as
thunder, lightning and whirlwind. It certainly is
proper to direct the infant thoughts to him at such
seasons; but not at such seasons only. A tempest
produces a natural feeling of awe, wThich should never
be disturbed by jesting and laughter ; emotions of de-
pendence and reverence are salutary to mortals. But
we should speak of God often, in connexion with every
thing calm and happy. We should lead the mind to
dwell upon his infinite goodness ; that he may indeed
be regarded as a Heavenly Father.

An early habit of prayer is a blessed thing. I would
teach it to a child as soon as he could lisp the words.
At first, some simple form must be used, like, ' Now I
lay me down to sleep ;' but as children grow older, it is
well to express themselves just as they feel. A little
daughter of one of my friends, when undressed to go to
bed, knelt down of her own accord, and said, ' Our
Father, who art in heaven, forgive me for striking my
little brother today, and help me not to strike him
again ; for oh, if he should die, how sorry I should be
that I struck him.' Another in her evening prayer
thanked God for a little sugar dog, that had been given
her in the course of the day. Let it not be thought
for a moment that there is any irreverence in such
prayers as these coming from little innocent hearts. It
has a blessed influence to look to God as the source of
all our enjoyments ; and as the enjoyments of a child

must necessarily be childish, it is sincere and proper
for them to express gratitude in this way.

While I endeavored to make Sunday a very cheerful
day, I would as far as possible give a religious character
to all its conversation and employments. Very young
children will become strongly interested in the Bible, if
it is read to them, or they are suffered to talk about it.
They will want to hear, for the hundredth time, about
the little boy who said to his father, ' My head ! My
head !' They will tell over to each other with a great
deal of delight, how he died, and was laid on his little
bed, and how the prophet laid down with him, and
restored him to life ; and how the little boy sneezed
seven times.

The story of Joseph, of Samuel, of David, of the
meeting of Isaac and Rebecca at the Well, are very
attractive to children. It is the first duty of a mother
to make the Bible precious and delightful to her family.
In order to do this, she must choose such parts as are
best suited to their capacities ; talk to them about it in
a pleasant and familiar style ; and try to get their little
minds interested in what they read. -If made to spell
out a chapter in a cold, formal manner, and then told to
go and sit down and be still, they will take no interest
in the Bible ; nor would they, by such means, take an
interest in anything. -

At no period of life should people hear the Bible
spoken lightly of, or any passage quoted in jest ;
thoughtlessness in this respect does great mischief to
ourselves and others. There cannot be a worse prac-
tice than that of making a child commit a chapter of
the Scriptures as a punishment for any offence. At

some schools, the Bible (being the heaviest book to be
found) is held at arm's length till the little culprit gets
so weary, that he would gladly throw the volume
across the room. — This is very injudicious. In no way
whatever should the Bible be associated with anything
disagreeable.

A little hymn every Sabbath is a pleasant and profit-
able lesson ; and if it is simple enough to be understood,
the child will amuse himself by repeating it through the
week. Some of the very strongest impressions of child-
hood are made by the hymns learned at an early age :
therefore, parents should be careful what kind of ones
are learned. They should first read themselves, and
think jzdMfully what impressions of God, religion, and
iea'th, tfiey are likely to convey.

As children grow older, you may add to their interest
in the Scriptures by accounts of Palestine, and of tliQ
customs of the Jews. Helon's Pilgrimage to Jerusa-
lem is a good book for this purpose. Maps, on which
the travels of our Saviour and the Apostles may be
traced are excellent for Sunday lessons. Such means
as these give an interest to religious instruction and
prevent it from becoming a task. Perhaps some parents
will be ready to say that their own education has not
fitted them for thus assisting their children ; but surely
books and maps are cheap, and whoever has common
sense, and the will to learn, cannot fail to understand
them. As for the expense, it is better to give your
child right feelings and enlightened ideas, than to give
him dollars. You may leave him a large sum of money,
but he cannot buy happiness with it, neither can he buy
a good heart or a strong mind ; but if his feelings are

correct and his understanding cultivated, he will assur*
edly be happy, and will be very likely to acquire a
competency of the good things of this world.

In order to relieve the tediousness of too much read-
ing and studying, it is a good plan for parents to walk
with children on Sabbath afternoon, for the purpose of
drawing their attention to the works of God, and
explaining how his goodness extends over all things.
The structure of a bird's nest may be made to convey
religious instruction, and inspire religious feeling, as well
as a hymn. For this reason, books which treat of the
wonderful mechanism of the eye and the ear, the pro-
visions for the comfort of animals, and the preservation
of plants — in a word, all that leads the mind to dwell
upon the goodness and power of God, — areapproplfP
ate books for Sunday, and may be read, or studied, to
great advantage when children are old enough JI8 under-
stand them.
• But after all, religion is not so much taught by lessons,
as it is by our examples, and habits of speaking, acting,
and thinking. It should not be a garment' reserved only
for Sunday wear ; we should always be in the habit of
referring everything to our Father in Heaven. If a
child is reminded of God at a moment of peculiar hap-
piness, and is then told to be grateful to Him for all his
enjoyments, it will do him more good than any words
he can learn. To see the cherry-stone he has planted ,
becoming a tree, and to be told that God made it grow,
will make a more lively impression on his mind, than
could be produced by any lesson from a book.
The Quakers say every day should be Sunday ; and
certainly no day should pass without using some of. the

opportunities, which are always occurring, of leading
the heart to God.

To catechisms in general I have an aversion. I think
portions of the Bible itself are the best things to be
learned ; and something may be found there to interest
all ages. Cummings' Questions in the New Testa-
ment appear to me better than anything of the kind ;
because the answers are to be found in the Bible itself;
but even in this I would blot out all answers given by
the writer — I would have children learn nothing of men,
but everything from God. It is important that Bible
lessons should be accompanied with familiar and serious
conversation with parents ; it interests a child's feelings,
and enlightens his understanding.-* Perhaps some will
Mink I have pointed out very arduous duties for the
Sabbath, and that if so much is done for children, pa-
rents will have no time left for their own reading and
reflection. But there can be no doubt that interesting les-
sons and conversations with children are both pleasant
and useful to parents ; you cannot dispose of a part of the
day more satisfactorily to your heart or your conscience.
It is by no means necessary to devote the whole day
expressly to their instruction. Let your own pursuits
be such as imply a respect for the sanctity of the Sab-
bath, and put them in the way of employing themselves
about what is good, as well as pleasant. Young peo-
ple should always be taught to respect the employments
and convenience of others ; they should learn to wait
patiently for their elders to join in their studies or
amusements. If you treat them with perfect gentle-
ness, and show a willingness to attend to them when it
is in your power, they will soon acquire the habit of

waiting cheerfully. But never explain anything; to a
child because he is impatient and teases you, when it
is really very inconvenient to you, and no immediate
consequence to him. Let your constant practice in all
things show him, that you are less inclined to attend
to him when he teases, than when he waits patiently ;
but, at the same time, never make him wait when it is
not necessary. There is no end to the wonders that
may be wrought by gentleness and firmness.

The religious knowledge conveyed in early childhood
should be extremely simple. It is enough to be told
that God is their Father in Heaven ; that everything in
the world is formed by his wisdom, and preserved by
his love ; that he knows every thought of their hearts ;
that he loves them when they do what is right ; and
that good children, when they die, go to heaven, where
God and the angels are. No opportunity should be
lost of impressing upon their minds that God loves the
creatures he has made ; even for the most common en-
joyments of life they should be taught to be thankful to
him. When guilty of a falsehood, or any other wrong
action, they should be solemnly reminded that though
nobody in the world may know it, God sees it.
This simple truth will make a serious impression, even
when they are quite small ; and as they grow older,
they may be more deeply impressed, by adding that
every time we indulge any evil feeling, we remove
ourselves farther from God and good angels, and render
ourselves unfit for heaven. It may seem like a nice
metaphysical distinction, but I do think it very impor-
tant that children should early, and constantly, receive
the idea that the wicked remove themselves from God —
7

that God never withdraws from them. Divine influ-
ence is always shedding its holy beams upon the human
soul, to purify and bless. It is our own fault, if our
souls are in such a state that we cannot receive it.

In the whole course of education, we should never
forget that we are rearing beings for another world as
well as for this ; they should be taught to consider this
life as a preparation for a better. Human policy is apt
to look no farther than the honors and emoluments of
this world ; but our present life is, at the longest, but
an exceedingly small part of our existence ; and how
unwise it is to prepare for time and neglect eternity.
Besides, the best way of fitting ourselves for this world
is to prepare for another. Human prudence is not
willing to perform every duty in earnestness and hu-
mility, and trust the rest to Providence. Yet, after all,
God will do much better for us than we can do for our-
selves. All our deep-laid schemes cannot make us so
happy, as we should be if we were simply good. I do
not mean that the active employments of life should be
neglected ; for I consider them as duties, which may
and ought to be performed in the true spirit of religion :
I mean that we should industriously cultivate and exert
our abilities, as a means of usefulness, without feeling
anxious about wealth or reputation. It is the doing
things from a wrong motive, which produces so much
disorder and unhappiness in the world.

Religious education, in early life should be addressed
to the heart rather than to the mind. The affections
should be filled with love and gratitude to God, but no
attempt should be made to introduce doctrinal opinions
into the understanding. Even if they could be under-

stood, it would not be well to teach them. It is better
that the mind should be left in perfect freedom to choose
its creed ; if the feelings are religious, God will en-
lighten the understanding ; he who really loves what is
good, will perceive what is true.

Miss Hamilton, in her excellent book on education,
relates an anecdote of a mother, who tried to explain
the doctrine of atonement by telling a child that God
came down from heaven, and lived and died on earth,
for the sins of men. The little girl looked thoughtfully
in the fire for some time, and then eagerly exclaimed,
' Oh, what a good time the angels must have had, when
God was gone away ! '

This child, being subject to great restraint in the
presence of her parents, was probably in the habit of
having a frolic when they were gone ; and she judged
the angels by the same rule. She was not to blame
for judging by what she had seen and felt. It was the
only standard she could use. The error was in at-
tempting to give her ideas altogether too vast for her
infant mind. This anecdote shows how necessary it
is that religious instruction should, at first, be extremely
plain and simple.

There is nothing perhaps in which Christians act so
inconsistently as in surrounding death with associations
of grief and terror. We profess to believe that the
good whom we have loved in this life, are still alive in
a better and happier world ; yet we clothe ourselves in
black, toll the bell, shun the room where we saw them
die, and weep when they are mentioned. My own pre-
judices against wearing mourning are very strong —
nothing but the certainty of wounding the feelings of

some near and dear friend would ever induce me to
follow the custom. However, I have no right, nor have
I any wish, to interfere with the prejudices of others.
I shall only speak of mourning in connexion with other
things, that tend to give children melancholy ideas of
death. For various reasons, we should treat the sub-
ject as cheerfully as possible. We all must die ; and
if we really believe that we shall live hereafter, under
the care of the same all-merciful God, who has pro-
tected us here, why should we dread to die ? Children
should always hear death spoken of as a blessed change ;
and if the selfishness of our nature will wring some
tears from us, when our friends die, they should be such
tears as we shed for a brief absence, not the heart-
rending sobs of utter separation. When death occurs
in the family use the opportunity to make a child
familiar with it. Tell him the brother, or sister, or pa-
rent he loved is gone to God ; and that the good
are far happier with the holy angels, than they could
have been on earth ; and that if we are good, we shall
in a little while go to them in heaven. Whenever he
afterwards alludes to them, say they are as much
alive as they were on this earth; and far happier.
Do not speak of it as a thing to be regretted that they
have gone early to heaven ; but rather as a privilege to
be desired that we shall one day go to them. This
is the view which the Christian religion gives us ; and
it is the view we should all have, did not a guilty con-
science, or an injudicious education inspire us with feel-
ings of terror. The most pious people are sometimes
entirely unable to overcome the dread of death, which
they received in childhood ; whereas, those whose first

impressions on this subject have been pleasant, find
within themselves a strong support in times of illness
and affliction.

The following is extracted from Miss Hamilton's
work on Education : —

'If we analyze the slavish fear of death, which consti-
tutes no trifling portion of human misery, we shall often
find it impossible to be accounted for on any other
grounds than those of early association. Frequently
does this slavish fear operate in the bosoms of those
who know not the pangs of an accusing conscience, and
whose spirits bear them witness that they have reason
to have hope and confidence towards God. But in
vain does reason and religion speak peace to the soul of
him whose first ideas of death have been accompanied
with strong impressions of terror. The association
thus formed is too powerful to be broken, and the only
resource to which minds under its influence generally
resort, is to drive the subject from their thoughts as
much as possible. To this cause we may attribute the
unwillingness which many people evince towards mak-
ing a settlement of their affairs ; not that they entertain ,
the superstitious notion of accelerating the hour of their
death by making a will ; but that the aversion to the
subject of death is so strong in their minds, that they
feel a repugnance to the consideration of whatever is
even remotely connected with it.

' How often the same association operates in deterring
from the serious contemplation of a future state, we
must leave to the consciences of individuals to deter-
mine. Its tendency to enfeeble the mind, and its con-
sequences in detracting from the happiness of life, are
7*

obvious to common observation ; but as every subject
of this nature is best elucidated by examples, I shall
beg leave to introduce two from real life, in which the
importance of early association will, I trust, be clearly
llustrated.
c The first instance I shall give of the abiding influence
of strong impressions received in infancy, is in the char-
acter of a lady who is now no more ; and who was too
eminent for piety and virtue, to leave any doubt of her
being now exalted to the enjoyment of that felicity
which her enfeebled mind, during its abode on earth,
never dared to contemplate. The first view she had of
death in infancy was accompanied with peculiar circum-
stances of terror; and this powerful impression was, by the
injudicious language of the nursery, aggravated and
increased, till the idea of death became associated with
all the images of horror which the imagination could
conceive. Although born of a noble family, her edu-
cation was strictly pious ; but the piety which she wit-
nessed was tinctured with fanaticism, and had little in
it of that divine spirit of " love which casteth out fear."
Her understanding was naturally excellent; or, in
other words, what is in our sex generally termed mas-
culine ; and it was improved by the advantages of a very
superior education. But not all the advantages she
derived from nature or cultivation, not all the strength of
a sound judgment, nor all the sagacity of a penetrating
and cultivated genius, could counteract the association
which rendered the idea of death a subject of perpetual
terror to her mind. Exemplary in the performance of
every religious and every social duty, full of faith and
of good works, she never dared to dart a glance of hope

beyond the tomb. The gloomy shadows that hovered
over the regions of death made the heart recoil from
the salutary meditation ; and when sickness brought the
subject to her view, her whole soul was involved in a
tumult of horror and dismay. In every illness it be-
came the business of her family and friends to devise
methods of concealing from her the real danger. Every
face was then dressed in forced smiles, and every
tongue employed in the repetition of flattering false-
hoods. To mention the death of any person in her
presence became a sort of petit treason in her family ;
and from the pains that were taken to conceal every event
of this kind from her knowledge, it was easy to conjecture
how much was to be dreaded from the direful effect
such information would infallibly produce. She might,
indeed, be said,

" To die a thousand deaths in fearing one."

And had often suffered much more from the apprehen-
sion, than she could have suffered from the most
agonizing torture that ever attended the hour of disso-
lution.

' Here we have an instance of a noble mind subjected
by means of early association to the most cruel bond-
age. Let us now take a view of the consequences of
impressing the mind with more agreeable associations
on the same subject at the same early period.

<A friend of mine, on expressing his admiration
of the cheerfulness and composure, which a lady of his
acquaintance had invariably shown on the threatened
approach of death, was thus answered: "The fortitude
you so highly applaud, I indeed acknowledge as the
first and greatest of blessings ; for to it I owe the enjoy-

ment of all the mercies, which a good Providence has
graciously mingled in the cup of suffering. But I take
no merit to myself on its account. It is not, as you
suppose, the magnanimous effort of reason ; and how-
ever it may be supported by that religious principle
which inspires hope, and teaches resignation, while I
see those who are my superiors in every Christian grace
and virtue appalled by the terrors of death, I cannot to
religion alone attribute my superior fortitude. For
that fortitude I am, under God, chiefly indebted to the
judicious friend of my infancy, who made the idea of
death not only familiar but pleasant to my imagination.
The sudden death of an elderly lady to whom I was
much attached, gave her an opportunity, before I had
attained my sixth year, of impressing this subject on my
mind in the most agreeable colors.

c " To this judicious management do I attribute much
of that serenity, which, on the apprehended approach
of death, has ever possessed my mind. Had the idea
been first impressed upon my imagination with its usual
gloomy accompaniments, it is probable that it would
still have been there invested in robes of terror ; nor
wrould all the efforts of reason, nor all the arguments of
religion, have been able in these moments effectually
to tranquillize my soul. Nor is it only in the hour of
real danger that I have experienced the good effects of
this freedom from the slavish fear of death ; it has
saved me from a thousand petty alarms and foolish
apprehensions, into which people of stronger minds
than I can boast, are frequently betrayed by the invol-
untary impulse of terror. So much, my good friend,
do we all owe to early education," '

To these remarks, I will add an anecdote, that came
under the observation of one of my friends. A little
girl saw a beloved aunt die. The child was very young,
— she had no ideas at all about death,— it was her
first lesson on the subject. She was much affected,
and wept bitterly. Her mother led her to the bed,
kissed the cheek of the corpse, and observed how smil-
ing and happy the countenance looked. ' We must
not weep for dear aunt Betsy,' said she ; ' she is liv-
ing now with the angels ; and though she cannot come
to see us, she loves us, and will rejoice when we are
good. If we are good, like her, we shall goto heaven,
where she is ; and to go to heaven, is like going to a
happy home'

This conversation soothed the child's mind ; she felt
the cold hand, kissed the cold cheek, and felt sure that
her aunt was still alive and loved her.

A year or two afterwards, this child was very ill, and
they told her the doctor said she would die. She
looked up smiling in her mother's face, and said, with
joyful simplicity, ' I shall see dear aunt Betsy before
you do, mother.' What a beautiful lesson !

So important do I consider cheerful associations with
death, that I wish to see our grave-yards laid out with
walks, and trees, and beautiful shrubs, as places of pub-
lic promenade. We ought not to draw such a line of
separation between those who are living in this world,
and those who are alive in another. A cherished feel-
ing of tenderness for the dead is a beautiful trait in the
Catholic religion. The prayers that continue to be of-
fered for the departed, the offering of flowers upon the
tomb, the little fragrant wreath held in the cold hand of

the dead infant, — all these things are beautiful and
salutary. It may be thought such customs are merely
poetic ; but I think they perform a much higher use
than merely pleasing the fancy ; I believe they help to
give permanently cheerful impressions of our last great
change. It is difficult for the wisest of us to tell out of
what trifles our prejudices and opinions have been gradu-
ally composed.

A friend, who had resided some time in Brazil, told
an anecdote, which was extremely pleasing to me, on
account of the distinct and animating faith it implied.
When walking on the beach, he overtook a negro wo-
man, carrying a large tray upon her head. Thinking
she had fruit or flowers to sell, he called to her to stop.
On being asked what she had in her tray, she lowered
the burthen upon the sand, and gently uncovered it.
It was a dead negro babe, covered with a neat white
robe, with a garland around its head, and a bunch of
flowers in the little hands, that lay clasped upon its
bosom. < Is this your child ?' asked my friend. c It
was mine a few days ago/ she said ; ■ but it is the Ma-
donna's now. I am carrying it to the church to be
buried. It is a little angel now.' ' How beautifully
you have laid it out V said the traveller. ' Ah,3 replied
the negro, ' that is nothing compared to the beautiful
bright wings with which it is flying through heaven !'

With regard to supernatural appearances, I think they
should never be spoken of as objects of terror, neither
should the possibility be treated as ridiculous. If
we treat such subjects with contempt and utter un-
belief, we at once involve ourselves in contradiction ;
for we tell our children they must believe the Bible ; ancl

in the Bible they read of angels holding intercourse
with men, and of the dead rising from their graves.

Some say, keep children in utter ignorance of such
subjects ; but that is not possible. They will find them
mentioned in Scripture, and in nine-tenths of the books
not expressly written for childhood. Our utmost care
cannot keep such ideas from entering their minds ; and
my own opinion is that it is not desirable we should. I
believe that children may be taught to think of super-
natural appearances, not only without terror, but with
actual pleasure. It is a solemn and mysterious sub-
ject, and should not be introduced uselessly ; but if
children asked questions of their own accord, I should
answer them according to what I believed to be the
truth. I should tell them I believed the dead were
jiving, speaking and thinking beings, just like ourselves ;
that they were happy in heaven in proportion as they
were good on earth ; that in ancient times, when men
were innocent, angels used to come and see them, and
that they loved to see them ; but that now men were
so wicked they could not see angels — the holy and
beautiful privilege had been lost by indulging in evil ;
that angels full of love watched over the good, and re-
joiced when they put away a wicked thought, or con-
quered a wicked feeling ; but that we cannot see them
any more than the blind man can see the sun when it is
shining upon him. I would tell them that the wicked
by indulging evil, go away from the influence of God
and angels, and that is the reason they are afraid ; that
men who have been bad in this world are bad in an-
other, and delight to see us indulge in sin ; but that God
protects us laways, and we need not be afraid of any-

thing that is evil, except the evil in our own hearts ;
that if we try to be good, God and his angels will guard
over us and teach us what we ought to do ; and that
evil spirits can have no power to tempt us, or to make
us afraid, except the power we give them by indulging
our own evil passions.

I am aware that my views on this "subject will differ
from many of my readers ; but through the whole of
this book I have endeavored to speak what appeared
to me to be the honest truth, without any reference to
what might be thought of it. I believe that a child
would have no sort of fear of subjects they heard thus
familiarly and plainly dealt with. In one or two in-
stances, the experiment has been tried with perfect
success. The children to whom I allude never have
an idea of seeing spirits ; but they think Abraham and
Jacob, who used to see them, must have been very hap-
py. They are familiar with the idea that if they in-
dulge in evil, they put themselves under the influence
of spirits like themselves ; but they have not the slight-
est fear of seeing them. They know that they have
spiritual eyes, with which they see in their dreams, and
will see in heaven ; and that they have bodily eyes with
which they see the material things of this world ; but „
they know very well that spiritual forms cannot be seen
by the natural organs of sight.

If my advice on this mysterious subject seems to you
absurd, or impracticable, reject it, in the same freedom
that I have given it. But let me ask you one question
— Did you ever know fear upon these subjects over-
come by ridicule, or by arguments to prove there were
no such things as supernatural appearances ? I once

knew a strong-minded man, who prided himself upon
believing nothing which he could not see, touch, and
understand. (How he believed in the existence of his
own soul, I do not know.) His children, from some
cause or other, had their minds excited on the subject of
visions. The father told them it was all nonsense —
that there was not a word of truth in anything of the
sort. ' But Jesus Christ appeared to his disciples, af-
ter he was dead/ said one of the boys. ' Oh, that was
a miracle,' replied the father : ' sit down, and I will
tell you a beautiful ghost-story.' Then he told a long
story of a man, who several times saw his deceased
friend all dressed in white, seated in his arm-chair, wear-
ing exactly the same wig he had always worn in his
life-time. The story was wrought up with a good deal
of skill. The gloom of twilight, the melancholy smile
of the phantom, the terror of the spectator, were all
eloquently described. The children stared their eyes
almost out of their heads. At last, the end of the
story came, — a servant entered with a light, and the
old man in the arm-chair proved to be — a great white
dog!

But what was the effect on the children ? Did such
a story calm or satisfy their minds ? No. It terrified
them greatly. For months after, they were afraid to go
in the dark, lest they should see — a great white dog.

While I represented the intercourse with angels as a
privilege that belonged to purity and innocence, I would
as much as possible keep from the knowledge of child-
ren all those frightful stories to which remorse and dis-
ease have given birth. Should any such come in their
8

way, I would represent them as the effects of a guilty-
conscience, or disordered nerves, both of which pro-
duce a species of insanity ; and at the same time I
would talk of the love and protection of their heavenly
Father, reminding them that every time they resisted
what was wrong, they put themselves more and more
under the blessed influence of God and his holy angels.

CHAPTER VII.

BOOKS.

The books chosen for young people should as far as
possible combine amusement with instruction ; but it is
very important that amusement should not become a
necessary inducement. I think a real love of reading
is the greatest blessing education can bestow, particu-
larly upon a woman. It cheers so- many hours of ill-
ness and seclusion ; it gives the mind something to in-
terest itself about, instead of the concerns of one's
neighbors, and the changes of fashion ; it enlarges the
heart, by giving extensive views of the world ; it every
day increases the points of sympathy with an intelligent
husband ; and it gives a mother materials for furnish-
ing the minds of her children. Yet I believe a real love
of reading is not common among women. I know that
the new novels are very generally read ; but this springs
from the same love of pleasing excitement, which leads
people to the theatre ; it does not proceed from a thirst
for information. For this reason, it has a bad effect to

encourage an early love for works of fiction ; particu-
larly such as contain romantic incidents. To be sure,
works of this kind have of late years assumed so elevated
a character, that there is very much less danger from
them than formerly. We now have true pictures of
life in all its forms, instead of the sentimental, lovesick
effusions, which turned the heads of girls, fifty years
ago. But even the best of novels should form the re-
creation rather than the employment of the mind ; they
should only be read now and then. They are a sort of
literary confectionary ; and though they may be very
perfect and beautiful, if eaten too plentifully, they do
tend to destroy our appetite for more solid and nour-
ishing food. The same remarks apply in a less degree,
to children's forming the habit of reading nothing but
stories, which are, in fact, little novels. To prevent
an exclusive and injurious taste for fiction, it is well to
encourage in them a love of History, Voyages, Travels,
Biography, &c. It may be done by hearing them read
such books, or reading with them, frequently talking
about them, and seeming pleased if they remember suf-
ficiently well to give a good account of what they have
read. Sir William Jones, who had perhaps a greater
passion for knowledge than any other mortal, and who,
of course, became extensively useful and celebrated,
says, that when he asked questions about anything, his
mother used to say to him, i Read your book, and you
will know.' Being an intelligent and judicious woman,
she took pains to procure such volumes as would satisfy
his inquiries ; and in this way his love of books became
an intense passion ; he resorted to them as the thirsty
do to a fountain. This anecdote furnishes a valuable

hint. I am aware that all cannot afford to buy books
freely ; but I believe there are very few in this land of
abundance, who do not spend in the superfluities of dress
and the table, more than enough to purchase a valuable
library. Besides, ample means of information are now
furnished the public by social libraries, juvenile libra-
ries, Lyceums, &c. I can -hardly suppose it possible
that any person can really want a book, in this country,
without being able to obtain it. Such being the case,
it certainly is easy to follow the example of Sir William
Jones' mother. For instance, a cold, stinging day in
winter would naturally lead a child to say, < I wonder how
people can live near the poles ; where my geography
says they have six months of night and winter.' Here
is a good opportunity for a parent to reply, ' I will get
a book about Polar Regions, and you shall read to me,
after you have learned your lessons ; if I am busy and
cannot hear you, you must read by yourself, and tell
me about it.5

It is by seizing hold of such incidents as these, that
a real love of knowledge may be instilled. The habit
of having the different members of a family take turns
to read aloud, while the others are at work, is extremely
beneficial. It is likewise an excellent plan for young
people to give a familiar account, in writing, of what
they have read, and to make their own remarks upon
the subject freely; but these juvenile productions should
never be shown out of the family, or praised in an ex-
aggerated manner, likely to excite vanity ; and if one
child is more gifted than another, care should be taken
to bestow the greatest share of encouragement on the
one that needs it most. I wish the habit of reading

the purest and best authors aloud were more frequent
in our schools. I know not how it is, girls learn an
abundance of things, but they do not acquire a love of
reading. I know very few young ladies, among those
esteemed thoroughly educated, to whom a book is really
a pleasanter resource than visiting, dress, and frivolous
conversation. Their understanding may have been well
drilled in certain sciences ; but knowledge has no place
in their affections. The result is, that what they have
learned at school is gradually forgotten, instead of be-
ing brought into constant use in afterlife. Like soldiers
on parade day, they go through a certain routine, and
then throw by their accoutrements as things useless for
anything but parade. The fact is, wTe should always
begin with the affections. What we love to do, we ac-
complish through all manner of obstacles ; but what we
do ijot love to do is uphill work, and will not be per
formed if it can be avoided. If a fondness for books is
once imbibed, it is plain enough that the understanding
will soon be enlightened on all interesting subjects ; and
a person who reads, as he drinks water when he is
thirsty, is the least likely of all men to be pedantic : in
all things, affectation is fond of making a greater show
than reality. I once heard a woman in mixed company
say, k My dear Mrs , how can you play whist ? I can-
not possibly give my attention to such trifling things ;
if I attempt it, my mind is immediately abstracted.5
T at once set her down for a fool and a pedant. I should
not have been afraid to risk a fortune that she had no
real love of knowledge. Nature and truth have never
learned to blow the trumpet, and never will- The lady
whom she addressed was really intelligent and well-
8*

informed ; she did not love to play whist, but she very
good-naturedly consented to it, because her hostess
could not otherwise make up the number requisite for
the game ; knowledge was the food of her mind, not
its decoration. Miss Edgeworth has very beautifully
remarked, ' We are disgusted when we see a woman's
mind overwhelmed with a torrent of learning ; that the
tide of literature has passed over it, should be betrayed
only by its general fertility .' And this will be the re-
sult, if books are loved as a resource, and a means of
usefulness, not as affording opportunity for display.

I have said that reading works of fiction too much,
tended to destroy a relish for anything more solid, and
less exciting ; but I would suggest that the worst possi-
ble thing that can be done is to prohibit them entirely, or
to talk against them with undue severity. This always
produces a fidgetty desire to read them ; and unless
the principles are very strong, they will be read by stealth.
Direct prohibitions, though unquestionably necessary at
times, are not likely to do great good, because they ap-
peal to the understanding without being grounded in the
heart. The best way is to allow the occasional perusal
of novels, which are pure in spirit and in language.
When a taste is once formed for the best novels, silly, lack-
adaisical ones will have no charm — they will not be read
fnom choice. In this instance, as in others of more im-
portance, evil is prevented from entering, by finding the
mind occupied with good. Many readers, and writers
too, think any book is proper for young people, which
has a good moral at the end ; but the fact is, some books
with a long excellent moral, have the worst possible
effect on a young mind. — The morality should be in

the book, not tacked upon the end of it. Vices the
juvenile reader never heard of, are introduced, dressed
up in alluring characters, which excite their admiration,
their love, their deepest pity ; and then they are told
that these heroes and heroines were very naughty, and
that in the end they were certain to die despised and
neglected.

What is the result ? The generous bosom of youth
pities the sinners, and thinks the world was a cruel
world to despise and neglect them. Charlotte Temple
has a nice good moral at the end, and I dare say was
written with the best intention, yet I believe few works
do so much harm to girls of fourteen or fifteen.

I doubt whether books which represent vice, in any
way, are suitable to be put into the hands of those,
whose principles are not formed. It is better to paint
virtue to be imitated, than vice to be shunned. Famil-
iarity with evil is a disadvantage, even when pointed out
as an object of disgust. It is true that evil must cpme
in the way of the young ; they will find it in books, and
they will find plenty of it in the world. It would be
useless to attempt always to keep such volumes out of
the way ; but I would, as far as possible, avoid them
when a child is young, and his mind is comparatively
empty. After his principles and taste are formed, he
will view such descriptions as he ought. I do not ap-
prove of stories about naughty children ; they suggest
a thousand little tricks and deceptions, which would
not otherwise be thought of. A small book by a very
excellent writer appears to me liable to this objection ;
I refer to Adelaide, or Stories for Children, by a Lady
of Philadelphia.

Children, especially girls, should not read anything
without a mother's knowledge and sanction ; this is par-
ticularly necessary between the ages of twelve and six-
teen, when the feelings are all fervent and enthusiastic,
and the understanding is not strengthened by experience
and observation. At this period, the mind and heart
are very active, and parents should take peculiar care
to furnish them with plenty of innocent employment.

I had almost forgotten to mention the prejudice, which
some people have against all manner of fairy stories and
fables, simply upon the ground that they are not strictly
true. The objection does not seem to me a forcible
one ; because I do not believe children ever think they
are true. During my own childhood, I am very sure I
regarded them as just what they were, — as efforts of
the imagination — dreams that had a meaning to them.
I do object to reading many of these things ; for they
are the novels of infancy, and have a similar effect,
though in a less degree. All frightful and monstrous
fairy stories are indeed abominable ; but I do not believe
that Cinderilla, or the Glass Slipper, ever injured any
child. With regard to fables, children do not believe
that dogs, foxes, and birds, talk to each other ; nor do
they think that the writer intended they should believe
it ; therefore it cannot be injurious to their love of truth.
No child, who reads those pretty little verses beginning
with,

• Come up into my chamber,' said the spider to the fly —
' 'Tis the prettiest little chamber that ever you did spy ! '

believes that the spider actually talked to the fly.
Children understand the moral it is intended to convey

perfectly well ; they know that it means we should not
allow the flattery or solicitations of others to tempt us
to what is improper and dangerous. Fables and fairy-
stories, which contain a clear and simple moral, have 1
think a good tendency ; but care should be taken to
ascertain whether the little readers understand the
moral, and to explain it clearly to them, if they do not.

Imagination was bestowed upon us by the Great
Giver of all things, and unquestionably was intended to
be cultivated in a fair proportion to the other powers of
the mind. Excess of imagination has, I know, done
incalculable mischief; but that is no argument against a
moderate cultivation of it ; the excess of all good things
is mischievous.

A strong reason why we should indulge children in
reading some of the best fairy stories and fables, and
young people in reading some of the best novels is,
that we cannot possibly help their getting hold of some
books of this description ; and it is never wise to forbid
what we cannot prevent : besides, how much better it
is that their choice should be guided by a parent, than
left to chance.

Of late years, the circulating libraries have been over-
run with profligate and strongly exciting works, many
of them horribly exciting. I have a deep prejudice
against the whole class. The greater the genius dis-
played, the more dangerous the effects. The necessity
of fierce excitement in reading is a sort of intellectual
intemperance ; and like bodily intoxication, it produces
weakness and delirium. The Pelham novels, the
works of Byron, Maturin, Lewis, and Mrs Radcliffe are of
this description. They have a most unhealthy influ-

ence upon the soul. But books that frighten and pain-
fully excite the youthful mind, bad as they are, are not
so bad as the honied poison of Thomas Moore. He
does not show his cloven foot. He does not try to
make us in love with sin by vindicating all its defor-
mity; he covers it with a silver veil, and makes it float
so grace fully before the young and innocent, that it
seems to them a creature of light. Such books do
infinitely more mischief, than those openly bad in prin-
ciples and in language ; for danger that is concealed is
not easily avoided.

What tcords can be more delicate than Moore's
• Eveleen's Bower' ? and what thoughts can be more
indecent : Yet modest girls sing it, and think no harm.

The poems of L. E. L. cannot be charged with im-
modesty ; but they are unreal, sentimental, and excit-
ing. I would not put them into the hands of a young
girl, particularly if she were imaginative, or susceptible.

Historical works of fiction may be read in connexion
with history to great advantage, at any time from four-
teen years of age to twenty. There is an edition of
Shakspeare, called The Family Shakspeare, in which
impure sentences are entirely omitted ; the historical
plays in this edition would give a strong additional in-
terest to the history of the periods they illustrate. Sir
Walter Scott has furnished a novel for almost all the in-
teresting reigns in English History. These works are
not professedly religious or moral. — They are pictures
of life just as it is — giving a distinct idea of the man-
ners, costume, and superstitions, of various ages. Their
influence is never in opposition to good ; and to a think-
ing mind they afford abundant food for reflection, as
well as an inexhaustible fund of amusement,

Amid the multiplicity of modern books, the old
standard works are too much neglected. Young peo-
ple had better read Plutarch's Lives, and Anarcharsis'
Travels in Greece, than to read fifty of the best mis-
cellaneous productions of the day. To read every new
tiling fosters a love of novelty and a craving for excite-
ment ; and it fritters away time and intellect to little
purpose. Such books as I have recommended strength-
en the mind, and fill it with something solid. They
are particularly valuable on account of the classical in-
formation they contain. Every woman should have
some classical knowledge. I do not mean that they
should study Latin and Greek. I merely mean that
they should have general information of the govern-
ment, customs, religion, fcc, of the ancients ; and the
reason I think it desirable is, that they cannot under-
stand the allusions in good English books without some
such knowledge. — Milton, for instance is full of allu-
sions to ancient customs and superstitions.

It is of very great importance that children should
perfectly understand what they read. They should be
encouraged to give clear and distinct accounts of what
they have read ; and when you are doubtful whether
they know the meaning of a word, be sure and ask them.
If you yourself do not know, do not hesitate to say so,
and refer them to the dictionary. Some people think
it diminishes respect to acknowledge ignorance ; but
the fear is unfounded. Good sense and good judg-
ment command respect, whether they are accompanied
by great extent of information, or not. No child ever
respected a judicious parent less for saying, ' When I
was young, I did not have such opportunities for learn-

ing as you have ; but I know how to value knowledge ;
and that makes me so anxious you should learn.'

The habit, which I recommended in the third chap-
ter of directing the attention of very little children to
surrounding objects, lays an excellent foundation for ob-
taining clear and accurate ideas of what is read. The
same habits of observation, that leads them to remark
whether a thing is round or square, likewise leads them
to attend to* the sense of what they find in books.

I believe the multitude of little books generally
put into the hands of children are an injury, rather
than a benefit. Juvenile ideas are rapid and tran-
sient ; and a repetition of the same thoughts makes
them familiar and distinct. Ideas produce such a tran-
sient impression upon the mind of an infant, that he is
never weary of hearing the same old story, over and
over again ; it is always new to him, because he forgets
it as soon as it is repeated. The same remark is true,
in different degrees, of all the various stages of child-
hood. It is better to read one book and understand
it perfectly, than to read a dozen and understand them
imperfectly. It is astonishing how much pleasure and
information are lost by careless readers. An instructer
once said to me ' I heard a young lady read The Ab-
bot, by Sir Walter Scott. When she had finished, I
tried to persuade her to tell me what she thought of it,
and what she remembered. "Why, after all," she re-
plied, " Scott does not tell whether Queen Mary had
sandy hair, or dark hair. I was in hopes he wTould,
fori always wanted to know." This girl was naturally
bright and intelligent ; but she had not been accustomed
to attend to anything, except what related to dress and

personal appearance. The descriptions of Scottish
scenery, the workings of religious prejudice, the in-
trigues of political faction, the faithful pictures of life
and manners, were all lost upon her. She did not ob-
serve them because she had never formed the habit of
observing. She read through these two volumes, so full
of historical interest, without feeling interested in any-
thing but the color of Queen Mary's hair.'

Had she never read more than half a dozen books
in her life, and been called upon to give a faithful ac-
count of them, it would have been impossible for her
to be so entirely unobserving of the beauties of that ad-
mirable work.

To conclude, I would suggest that it is better to have
a few good books than many middling ones. It is not
well for young people to have a great variety. If there
are but few books in the house, and those are interest-
ing, they will be read over and over again, and well re-
membered. A perpetual succession of new works in-
duces a habit of reading hastily and carelessly ; and,
of course, their contents are either forgotten, or jum-
bled up in the memory in an indistinct and useless form.

Franklin said wisely, < Any book that is worth read-
ing once, is worth reading twice ;' and there is much
good sense in the Roman maxim, ' Read much, but do
not read many books.'

LIST OF GOOD BOOKS.

I have prepared the following list simply with the
view of assisting those who are really puzzled to choose
amid the multitude of books. I do not presume to be
an oracle ; so far from it, I would not, if I could, make
my own opinion a standard for others. But the nature
of my employments has, for years past, made it my
duty to read such a very large number of juvenile vol-
umes, that I may, without vanity, hope to render some
assistance to those who have seen but few. I have
omitted works at all sectarian in their character,
even when I thought them uncommonly excellent
in other respects. I have two reasons for this. The
first and strongest is, that I deem it injudicious to in-
culcate any peculiar religious opinions in early life ;
and the second is, that 1 could not conscientiously do it,
without interfering with the perfect religious freedom
which prevails in this land of various creeds.

I have given a pretty large list of books for quite
young children, in hopes of lessening the sale of such
absurd nonsense as Mother Goose, Tom Thumb, Cock
Robin, — and, still worse, the unnatural horrors of Blue
Beard, and Jack the Giant Killer.

My catalogue is, no doubt, very imperfect ; but it is
scrupulously impartial and sincere. Many excellent
books may have been omitted, from ignorance, or forge t-
fulness ; but I have mentioned none except those which
I have read and believe to be among the best of their
kind.

I have not mentioned a regular series of historical books,
because my design has been to confine myself entirely

to useful and entertaining family reading, without sug-
gesting what may be learned at school. Believing as I
do, that nothing has a greater tendency to produce real
refinement, than a taste for good poetry, I could not
forbear mentioning a few unexceptionable poems in my
list ; if the catalogue seem short, it must be remembered
that I have selected only the purest and best.

For Children from Four to Five Years of Age.

Mrs Barbauld's Lessons for Children. All
unite in cordially approving this lady's writings. Good
sense is clothed in very attractive simplicity, and the
thoughts are continually directed to God as the giver
of all we enjoy.

Mamma's Lessons. An uncommonly excellent little
book, with well-drawn pictures.

Fables for the Nursery. Extremely entertaining
to small children, and harmless in its influence.

Original Hyjvins for Infant Minds. By Jane
Taylor. Miss Taylor's books are among the best in
the language. They are beautifully written ; and a
spirit of mild religion pervades them all.

My Father. My Mother. My Brother. My
Sister. These four are excellent little toy books,
published by Mahlon Day, New York.

New York Cries, in Rhyme. Published by do.

Little Stories for Little Children. Do.

Travellers Mounted on Wonderful Animals.
Do.

For Children from Five to Six Years of Age.

The Infant Minstrel. A collection of pretty
Jittle stories in verse.

100

Stories for Children in Familiar Verse. By

Nancy Sproat.

Ditties for Children. Do.

A Present for Sabbath Schools. Do. Mrs
Sproat's books are uncommonly good. Children are
delighted with the familiar yet pure simplicity of the
style. She was a Calvinist ; and those strongly opposed
to her creed, may here and there find a verse to which
they would object.

Child's Book of Nature. A series of small
books, published at Lancaster, with very correct, well-
colored engravings of Birds and Animals.

Mrs Barbauld's Prose Hymns. In this volume
religious sublimity is clothed in childlike simplicity.

Mrs Trimmer's Introduction to the Knowl-
edge of Nature. Mrs Trimmer is among the very best
writers of juvenile books ; her influence is pure and holy.

Frank. By Miss Edgeworth. Harry and Lucy.
Do. Rosamond. Do. Miss Edgeworth's books are
full of practical good sense, philosophic discrimination,
and pure morality. They contain nothing opposed to
religion, but there is an entire absence of its life-giving
spirit.

Peter Parley's Winter Evening Tales.

Peter Parley's Tales about Europe, Asia,
Africa, and America.

Peter Parley's Tales of the Pacific Ocean.

Peter Parley's Tales of the Sea.

Peter Parley's Tales of the Sun, Moon, and
Stars.

Rhode Island Stories. Published by Mahlon
Day, New York.

Saying and Doing, or Frank and Harry. Do,

101

Select Poems for Small Children. Do.
Good Examples for Children. Do.
Poetic Stories. Do.
The Little Field Daisy. Do.

For Children Seven and Eight Years of Age.

Robert Fowle. An uncommonly good little book.

James Talbot. Very excellent.

Pleasing Stories. By Mrs Hughs. Stories
for Children. Do. Aunt Mary's Tales for
Girls. Do. Aunt Mary's Tales for Boys. Do.
Mrs Hughs has written a great deal for children ; and
few have written more judiciously, or more attractively.

Frank. Continued. By Miss Edgeworth. Har-
ry and Lucy. Continued. Do.

Biographical Sketches of Celebrated Men in
America. From the Juvenile Miscellany. This little
volume was compiled by myself. I do not mention it
on account of any particular merit ; but because I do
not know of any other volume, that contains so many
biographical sketches in so cheap a form.

Adventures of Congo, in Search of his Master.
A very great favorite with children.

Berquin's Children's Friend. A favorite of
long standing.

The Mirror. By Miss Leslie, a Lady of Phila-
delphia. An uncommonly sensible and entertaining book.

The Robins. By Mrs Trimmer. An almost
unrivalled favorite with children.

The Parent's Assistant. By Miss Edgeworth.
The stories that comprise these volumes, — such as
9*

102

Simple Susan, Forget and Forgive, Two Strings to your
Bow, &c, — may be purchased either singly, or in sets.

The Natural History of Insects. Published
by Carter, Hendee fy Babcock.

Sophia Morton.

Robinson Crusoe. By Defoe.

Alexander Selkirk, or the real Robinson Cru-
soe. Published by M. Day, New York.

The Children's Robinson Crusoe. By a Lady
of Massachusetts. I mention these three, that a choice
may be taken. Defoe's work is irresistibly fascinating.
It has been translated into almost all languages. Alex-
ander Selkirk is a very small book containing a plain,
unvarnished account of just such events as happened.
The Children's Robinson Crusoe (by a very religious
and sensible woman), unquestionably has a purer influ-
ence than Defoe's celebrated work ; more entertaining it
cannot be. Defoe's hero is a wild, reckless, ignorant
adventurer ; the Children's Robinson Crusoe is well
educated in mind and heart.

For Children Nine and Ten Years of Age.

Metamorphoses. By Mrs Hughs.

Ornaments Discovered. Do.

Evenings at Home. By Mrs Barhauld and her
brother, Doctor Aiken. A work of first rate merit.

Moral Tales. By Miss Edgeworth.

The Twin Sisters. By Miss Sandham. The
mild spirit of vital piety pervades this admirable volume.

Ellen the Teacher. By Mrs Hofland. An
excellent book.

Alicia and her Aunt. By Do.

103

The Affectionate Brothers.

The Good Grandmother.

Learning better than House and Lands.

Peter Parley's Tales about Animals.

Tales of Travels West of the Mississippi*

Cook's Voyages.

Belzoni in Egypt.

Adventures and Discoveries in Africa. Form-
ing part of the Family Library. Voyages and Dis-
coveries in Polar Regions. Do. These two
volumes contain the pith and marrow of a great many
interesting Voyages and Travels.

Life and Maxims of Wm. Penn. By Mrs Hughs,

For Children Eleven and Twelve Years of Age.

Sandford and Merton. Deservedly a great fa-
vorite, particularly with boys.

Sequel to Frank. By Miss Edgeworth.

Sequel to Harry and Lucy. Do.

William and Uncle Ben. By Mrs Hofland.

The Officer's Widow. Do.

The Merchant's Widow. Do.

The Clergyman's Widow. Do.

Son of a Genius. Do.

Theodore, or the Crusaders. Do.

Poems and Juvenile Sketches. By Anna Maria
Wells. Very pure thoughts in beautiful verse.

Beatitudes. An excellent little volume.

Lessons without Books. By the same Author.

Spanish Conquests. Do. Louisa and her
Cousins. Do. These books are evidently written by
a judicious mother, and observing woman.

104

The Young Emigrants. Published by Carter,
Hendce 4* Babcock* This is an instructive and very
entertaining book. It conveys a very vivid impression
of the difficulties to be surmounted in a new settle-
ment ; and the lesson it teaches is most salutary.

The Children's Week. By the same Author.

Fruit and Flowers. This is an excellent little
book, calculated to excite gratitude and love to our
heavenly Father. It favors no particular sect ; though
the impression it leaves is rather unfavorable to sudden
and violent religious excitement.

Bertha's Visit to her Uncle in England. In
2 vols. This book contains a very great variety of
information in a small compass. Its religious tendency
is Oalvinistic.

The Travellers. By Miss Sedgivick.

The Cousins. By Airs Hughs.

A Visit to the Sea-Side. In 2 vols.

Tales of a Grandfather. 1st and 2d Series.
By Walter Scott. These volumes form a most fasci-
nating history of Scotland.

The Library of Entertaining Knowledge.
Published in a series of numbers. This set is valuable
in a family. Some of the numbers are unusually attrac-
tive to young people : and in all of them there is a hap-
py combination of science and entertainment.

For Young People of Thirteen and Fourteen Years
of Age.
Display, or Elizabeth Palmer. By Jane Tay-

* Where the names of publishers are mentioned; it is to avoid confusion
between two books of the same title.

105

lor. A better book for girls of this age was never
written. It is full of piety and good sense, clothed in a
most pleasing form. It deserves to be printed in letters
of gold.

The Cottagers of Glenburnie. By Miss Ham-
ilton. Everybody should read this volume. It is full
of practical good sense, and religious benevolence.

The New England Tale. By Miss Sedgwick.
The influence of an enlightened mind and a pure heart
is shed like sunshine over all that Miss Sedgwick writes.

Rasselas. By Doctor Johnson.

Popular Tales. By Miss Edgeworth.

Exiles of Siberia. By Madame Cottin.

Illustrations of Lying. By Mrs Opie.

Tales of a Grandfather. 3d and 4th Series-
By Walter Scott. Containing the history of France.

My Early Days. By Walter Ferguson. A most
charming little book.

North wood. By Mrs Hale.

Sketches of Irish Character. By Mrs S. C.
Hall.

The Trials of Margaret Lyndsey.

Biography of Bishop Heber. Abridged for
young people.

Helon's Pilgrimage to Jerusalem. A book
useful to read in connexion with the Holy Scriptures,
because it gives a very distinct idea of the customs and
superstitions of the Jews.

Nichols> Catechism of Natural Theology. A
useful volume in connexion with Sunday lessons. Its
design is to teach the power and goodness of God, by
explaining the wonderful mechanism of the human
frame.

106

Oriental Fragments — Illustrations of the
Evidences of Christianity — and Harry Beaufoy.

By Maria Hack, are likewise good books for the same
purpose. The style is not sufficiently simple to attract
children, but judicious parents can make great use of
them, in giving religious lessons from the e very-day oc-
currences of life.

Plutarch's Lives.

Contributions of Q. Q. By Jane Taylor.

For Young People from Fifteen to Sixteen Years of

Age.

Mrs Chapone's Letters.

Watts on the Improvement of the Mind.

Taylor on Self-Cultivation.

Abbott's Letters from Cuba.

The Modern Traveller. With Maps and En-
gravings. These volumes are published in a series
intended to comprise all the best books of travels in
various countries. The volumes are sold separately if
desirable.

Selections from Fenelon. By a Lady.

Rhoda.

Isabella. By the same Author. The titles of these
books are not much in their favor ; but I think they
are the purest and best works of fiction that can be put
into a woman's hand.

The Lady of the Manor. By Mrs Sherwood.
Having intended to avoid everything sectarian, I am
puzzled about Mrs Sherwood's books. She is a
zealous Episcopalian, and she never writes anything
that is not very strongly tinged with her own doctrines.

107

But there is so much power and tenderness in her ap-
peals to the heart, her characters are so true to life,
and there is so much earnestness and sincerity in her
religious views, that I cannot omit her name in a list of
good books. The same remarks are true with regard
to her numerous little books for children ; they are all
natural, interesting and pure — but full of Calvinism
and abstract questions of theology.

Things by their Right Names.

Discipline.

Self Control.

Temper, or Domestic Scenes. By Mrs Opie.

Redwood. By Miss Sedgwick.

Hope Leslie. By Do.

Clarence. By Do.

Tales of Fashionable Ltfe. By Miss Edgeworth.

Belinda. Do.

Castle Rackrent. Do.

Patronage. Do.

The Absentee. Do.

The Sketch Book. By Washington Irving.

Life of Columbus. By Do. This has been pub-
lished in an abridged form, for young people.

Life of Ledyard. By Jared Sparks.

Ltfe of Lord Colling wood. The lessons con-
veyed by this book are full of all that is noble and esti-
mable in human character.

Marshall's Life of Washington.

Lives of the Novelists. By Walter Scott.

Lives of Painters and Sculptors. By Allan
Cunningham. Forming apart of the Family Library.

108

Travels of Anarchasis the Younger, in
Greece.

Rollin's Ancient History.

Goldsmith's History of England.

The Family Shakspeare. To be read in con-
nexion with history.

All the Waverley Novels. Valuable as distinct
pictures of human nature in all its varieties, and as
charming historical records.

Robinson's History of Charles Fifth.

Robinson's History of Scotland.

Robinson's History of America.

POETRY.

Milton's Comus and Lycidas. I mention these
in preference to Paradise Lost, because I think very
few young people can enter heartily into the sublime
beauties of that magnificent poem. Comus is a most
pure and beautiful model for forming the youthful taste.

Cowper's Poems.

Wordsworth's Poems.*

Sir Walter Scott's Lady of the Lake.

Marmion. Lay of the Last Minstrel.

Thomson's Seasons.

Campbell's Poems.

Mrs Hemans' Poems.

Bernard Barton's Poems.

Bryant's Poems.

Mrs Sigourney's Poems.

* It requires great maturity of mind, and habits of reflection, fully to ap-
preciate Milton and Wordsworth. Scott and Campbell would probably
interest the youthful imagination more than any other poetic writers.

109
CHAP. VIII.

POLITENESS.

In politeness, as in many other things connected with
the formation of character, people in general begin out-
side, when they should begin inside ; instead of begin-
ning with the heart, and trusting that to form the
manners, they begin with the manners, and trust the
heart to chance influences. The golden rule contains
the very life and soul of politeness. Children may be
taught to make a graceful courtesy, or a gentlemanly
bow, — but, unless they have likewise been taught to
abhor what is selfish, and always prefer another's com-
fort and pleasure to their own, their politeness will be en-
tirely artificial, and used only when it is their interest to
use it. On the other hand, a truly benevolent, kind-
hearted person will always be distinguished for what is
called native politeness, though entirely ignorant of the
conventional forms of society.

I by no means think graceful manners of small im-
portance. They are the outward form of refinement in
the mind, and good affections in the heart ; and as such
must be lovely. But when the form exists without the
vital principle within, it is as cold and lifeless as flowers
carved in marble.

Politeness, either of feeling or of manner, can never
be taught by set maxims. Every-day influence, so
unconsciously exerted, is all important in forming the
characters of children ; and in nothing more important
than in their manners. If you are habitually polite,
your children will become so, by the mere force of imi-
10

110

tation, without any specific directions on the subject.
Your manners at home should always be such as you
wish your family to have in company. Politeness will
then be natural to them ; they will possess it without
thinking about it. But when certain outward obser-
vances are urged in words, as important only because
they make us pleasing, they assume an undue impor-
tance, and the unworthiness of the motive fosters selfish-
ness. Besides, if our own manners are not habitually
consistent with the rules we give, they will be of little
avail ; they will in all probability be misunderstood, and
will certainly be forgotten. I, at this moment, recol-
lect an anecdote, which plainly shows that politeness
cannot be shuffled on at a moment's warning, like a
garment long out of use. A worthy, but somewhat
vulgar woman, residing in a secluded village, expected
a visit from strangers of some distinction. On the spur
of the occasion, she called her children together, and
said, c After I have dressed you up, you must sit very
still, till the company comes ; and then you must be
sure to get up and make your bows and courtesies ;
and you must mind and say " Yes, ma'am," and " No,
ma'am" — " Yes, sir," and "No, sir" — "I thank
you." ' The visiters arrived — and the children, seated
together like ' four and twenty little dogs all of a row/
uprose at once, bobbed their bows and courtesies, and
jabbered over, c Yes, ma'am, No, ma'am, yes, sir, no,
sir, I thank you — There, mother, now we've done it ! '
Foreigners charge us with a want of courtesy to each
other in our usual intercourse ; and I believe there is
some truth in the accusation. On all great occasions
the Americans are ready, heart and hand, to assist
each other ; but how much more gracefully and happily

Ill

the French manage in the ten thousand petty occurrences
of life ! And, after all, life is made up of small events.
The golden chain of existence is composed of innumer-
able little links ; and if we rudely break them, we
injure its strength, as well as mar its beauty.

The happiest married couples I have ever known
were those who were scrupulous in paying to each
other a thousand minute attentions, generally thought
too trifling to be of any importance ; and yet on these
very trifles depended their continued love for each
other. A birth-day present, accompanied with a kind
look or word — reserving for each other the most luxu-
rious fruit, or the most comfortable chair — nay, even
the habit of always saying, c Will you have the good-
ness ?' and i Thank you ' — • all these seemingly trivial
things have a great effect on domestic felicity, and on
the manners of children. Early habits of preferring
others to ourselves are very important. A child should
always be taught to give away the largest slice of his
apple, or his cake, and to take his whistle immediately
from his mouth, if a sick little brother or sister is anxious
for it. I believe the easy and natural politeness of the
French may in a great measure be attributed to their re-
markable care in forming such early habits of self-denial.

I cordially approve of the good old fashion of never
saying c Yes,' or ' No,' to those older than ourselves. It
appears to me peculiarly proper and becoming for young
persons always to rise when addressed by those, whose
age or character demands respect I am surprised to
see how seldom the young give an aged person the
inner side of the walk, when they meet in the street ;
and still more so when I see them unceremoniously push
by theix elders, while entering or leaving a room.

112

It is a graceful habit for children to say to each other
6 Will you have the goodness/ — and c I thank you.' I
do not like to see prim, artificial children ; there are
few things I dislike so much as a miniature beau, or
belle. But the habit of good manners by no means
implies affectation or restraint. It is quite as easy to
say, ' Please give me a piece of pie/ as to say, ' I want
a piece of pie.'

The idea that constant politeness would render social
life too stiff and restrained, springs from a false estimate
of politeness. True politeness is perfect ease and
freedom. It simply consists in treating others just as
you love to be treated yourself. A person, who acts from
this principle will always be said to have i sweet pretty
ways with her.' It is of some consequence that your
daughter should know how to enter and leave a room
gracefully ; but it is of prodigiously more consequence
that she should be in the habit of avoiding whatever is
disgusting or offensive to others, and of always prefer-
ing their pleasure to her own. If she has the last, a very
little intercourse with the world will teach her the first.

I believe nothing tends to make people so awkward
as too much anxiety to please others. Nature is grace-
ful ; and affectation, with all her art, can never produce
anything half so pleasing. The very perfection of el-
egance is to imitate nature as closely as possible ; and
how much better it is to have the reality than the imi-
tation. I shall probably be reminded that the best and
most unaffected people are often constrained and awk-
ward in company to which they are unaccustomed. I
answer, the reason is, they do not act themselves — they
are afraid they shall not do right, and that very fear

113

makes them do wrong. Anxiety about the opinion of
others fetters the freedom of nature. At home, where
they act from within themselves, they would appear a
thousand times better. All would appear well, if they
never tried to assume what they did not possess. Every-
body is respectable and pleasing so long as he is per-
fectly natural. I will make no exception — Nature is
always graceful. The most secluded and the most ig-
norant have some charm about them, so long as they
affect nothing — so long as they speak and act from the
impulses of their own honest hearts, without any anx-
iety what others think of it.

-Coarseness and vulgarity are the effects of education
and habit ; they cannot be charged upon nature. True
politeness may be cherished in the hovel as well as in
the palace ; and the most tattered drapery cannot con-
ceal its winning charms.

As far as is consistent with your situation and duties,
early accustom your children to an intercourse with
strangers. I have seen young persons who wTere re-
spectful and polite at home, seized with a most pain-
ful and unbecoming baslifulness, as soon as a guest en-
tered. To avoid this evil, allow children to accompany
you as often as possible, when you make calls and so-
cial visits. Occasional interviews with intelligent and
cultivated individuals have a great influence on early
character and manners, particularly if parents evidently
place a high value upon acquaintances of that descrip-
tion. I have known the destiny of a whole family
changed for the better, by the friendship of one of its
members with a person of superior advantages and cor-
rect principles.
10*

11.4

But it must be remembered that a call, or a social visit,
may be made almost as injurious as a party, if children
are encouraged in showing off, or constantly habituated
to hearing themselves talked about. Much as the failing
has been observed and laughed at, it is still too common
for mothers to talk a great deal about their children.
The weariness with which strangers listen to such do-
mestic accounts is a slight evil compared with the mis-
chief done to children, by inducing them to think them-
selves of so much importance : they should never be
taught to consider themselves of any consequence, ex-
cept at home, in the bosom of their own families.

Nothing tends to foster the genuine politeness, which
springs from good feeling, so much as scrupulous at-
tention to the aged. There is something extremely
delightful and salutary in the free and happy inter-
course of the old and young. The freshness and en-
thusiasm of youth cheers the dreariness of age ; and
age can return the benefit an hundred fold, by its mild
maxims of experience and wisdom. In this country,
youth and age are too much separated ; the young flock
together, and leave the old to themselves. We seem to
act upon the principle that there cannot be sym-
pathy between these two extremes of life ; whereas
there may be, in fact, a most charming sympathy — a
sympathy more productive of mutual benefit than any
other in the world.

The aged, from the loneliness of their situation, the
want of active employment, and an enfeebled state of
health, are apt to look upon the world with a gloomy
eye ; and sometimes their gloom is not unmixed with
bitterness : hence arises the complaint of their harsh-

115

ness and asperity towards the follies of youth.
These evils, so naturally growing out of their isolated
situation, would seldom gain power over the old, if they
were accustomed to gentleness, attention, and deference
from the young ; they would be softened by juvenile
love, and cheered by juvenile gayety. Such intercourse
sheds a quiet brightness on the decline of life, like sun-
shine on a weather-beaten tree, or a moss-covered
dwelling. What is there on earth more beautiful than
an aged person full of content and benevolence !

In China, it is the custom for young people always to
stand with head uncovered in the presence of their
seniors. Perhaps this is carrying the outward forms
of respect to an inconvenient excess ; but the principle
is true to nature and goodness. The mere circum-
stance of being old should insure peculiar deference
and attention even from strangers. It is considered
a sign of a good heart to love little children ; I think
spontaneous kindness for the aged is a much better
proof. I have seen gentlemen, who, in mixed compa-
nies, always bestowed the largest share of attention up-
on the old and neglected. — Had I a beloved daugh-
ter, I would choose such a man for her husband.

The German custom of giving Christmas presents to
parents, brothers, and sisters, has a happy influence
upon the affections, and of course upon the manners.
The enjoyment is entirely anti-selfish — it consists in
the experience, that ' it is more blessed to give than to
receive? What can be purer than the eager pleasure
of a group of children busy in preparing a gift for a
parent, and anxious to keep their little secret, in order
to produce a joyful surprise ? If their offerings are of
their own manufacture, a double good is produced ; both

116

ingenuity and love are excited, and the motive that ex-
cites them is holy. It has a good effect for parents to
place a superior value upon whatever children make
themselves — such as all the varieties of needle-books,
pin-cushions, boxes, &c.

One very prevalent fault among children is a want
of politeness to domestics. Young people should not,
from mere whim and caprice, be allowed to make de-
mands upon the time and patience of those who are
hired to attend upon the family. They should make
no unnecessary trouble in the kitchen ; and when they
ask for anything, they should speak politely — saying,
1 Will you have the goodness ?' ' I thank you,' &c.
Such conduct greatly tends to make domestics more
respectful, kind, and obliging. Miss Edgeworth, in her
work en Education, recommends that children should
never be allowed to speak a single word to a servant ;
and that they should be kept in a part of the house
entirely remote, for fear of contamination. Such a sys-
tem cannot be carried into effect in this country ; and I
am thankful it cannot. A child cannot know the nature
of such an injunction, — his inexperienced mind cannot
form an idea of the frightful and vulgar stories his
mother dreads his hearing in the kitchen. He is told
not to talk with the domestics, and he at once conceives
an idea of superiority, and thinks he is not bound to
pay any regard to their feelings, or happiness. This
principle is a bad one, under any form of government ;
but in our countiy its application is peculiarly prepos-
terous ; for those who are servants now may be mistresses
next year ; and those who ~keep domestics now may be
domestics hereafter. Still, I think it is very injurious to
children to form a habit of staying in the kitchen ; not

117

on account of any difference in station, — but because
we change domestics so frequently in this country, and
must necessarily be often uncertain as to their habits
and principles. If I were sure that a girl was conscien-
tious, and never told vulgar or superstitious stories, I
should be perfectly willing to trust children of any age
to her influence. And even if she were a stranger to
me, I would never forbid a child's going into the
kitchen, or advise him not to talk with her. I should
rather he would run the risk of hearing a vulgar, or
superstitious story, than to infest his spirit with pride.
But though I would never give children any rules to
this effect, I would by a silent influence keep them
with myself as much as possible. I would make the
parlor pleasant to them — I would supply them with
interesting employment — I would do everything to
promote full confidence and companionship between
them and their parents — I would make the bond
between brothers and sisters strong, by fostering mutual
love, by teaching them to speak politely, to act kindly,
to regard each other's wants, and respect each other's
property. By these means, the mind and the heart
would be so occupied, that children would have no
temptation to spend their evenings in the kitchen. But
my motive for pursuing such a guarded course, would
be no idea of superiority (for I acknowledge none, but
degrees of goodness), I would withdraw them from the
influence of domestics merely because there is a chance
that such influence will be impure. If I were certain
of the good principles and judicious conversation of a
girl, I should not deem precaution necessary. And one
thing is certain, — -a domestic who is worthy of being
kept in your house, is worthy of being treated with

118

kindness and perfect politeness ; and children should
be early instructed never to speak rudely, or make
unnecessary demands upon their time and patience. I
am aware that there are peculiar difficulties attending
this relation in our republican country, — there is mutu-
ally too much jealousy of being encroached upon. But
it is one of the evils which grow out of a multitude of
blessings ; and whether a domestic be ungrateful or not,
it will be a satisfaction that you have done your duty,
and taught your children to do theirs.

In connexion with politeness, I would again allude to
the great importance of habits of observation. What
is called native politeness is entirely the result of kind
feelings combined with habits of attention. Everybody
has observed that men of the world have a wonderful
facility in adapting themselves to all varieties of char-
acter. Their faculty of pleasing everybody seems like
instinct, yet, in fact, it is merely the result of close ob-
servation. People, who have bad hearts, can attain
this power, and exert it when they choose, from no
other excitement but vanity, or self-interest. But this
is no reason why the same power should not be exerted
to good purposes, and with good motives.

A ready discrimination of character is attained by
habits of observation ; and merely from a want of these
habits, excellent hearted people often make blunders
painful to themselves and others. We all know by our
own feelings, that it is not pleasant to have the atten-
tion of strangers called to any personal defect we
may have ; yet well meaning people will sometimes
strangely persist in such conversation. — They will not
only ask what produced a scar, but they will insist upon
knowing how long you have been troubled with it,

119

whether the distemper is hereditary in your family, and
whether you ever expect it will appear again. It is a
chance if they do not gratuitously add stories of half a
dozen individuals, who died of the same disorder, or be-
stowed it upon their children.

Some people are singularly perverse in praising such
qualities as their hearers do not possess, and perhaps
have no means of possessing. For instance, talking to
the poor about the great power and influence of wealth,
— enlarging upon the prodigious advantages of intelli-
gence and learning to the uneducated — and flying into
raptures about beauty in presence of the ugly and de-
formed. Now in all these instances, a little attention
to the movements of our own minds would teach us at
once how to apply the golden rule.

In our intercourse with others, it should be our object
to discover what they wish to hear, not what we wish to
say. Literary people are often unpleasant companions in
mixed society, because they frequently have not the pow-
er of adapting themselves to others. They have given
their attention to books more than to characters :aand they
talk on such subjects as please themselves, without think-
ing whether they will please others. What is called
affectation and pedantry, is half the time mere heedless-
ness and want of observation.

Mrs Madison was esteemed the most thoroughly po-
lite woman in America. Others might perhaps enter a
room as gracefully, or superintend at table with as much
dignity ; the secret of her power lay in her wonderful
adaptation to all sorts of characters. She was emphat-
ically an observing woman. As Jefferson had no wife,
she presided sixteen years at Washington ; during all
which time, she is said never to have forgotten the most

120

trifling peculiarities of character, that had once come
under her observation : she always remembered them,
and fashioned her conversation accordingly. Some may
object to the exercise of this power, lest it should lead to
insincerity ; and the charge may well be brought against
that kind of false politeness, which springs merely from a
love of popularity. Politeness is not the only good
thing corrupted by an unworthy motive ; all precious
coins have a counterfeit. When we are polite to others
entirely for our own sokes, we are deceitful ; nothing
selfish has truth and goodness in it. But there is such
a thing as true politeness, always kind, but never de-
ceitful. It is right to cherish good-will toward all our
fellowT-creatures, and to endeavor to make them as hap-
py as we conscientiously can. The outward forms of
politeness are but the expressions of such feelings as
should be in every human heart. It would be wrong
to tell people we love them dearly, when in fact we
know nothing about them ; or to urge them to visit our
houses when we do not want to see them. But we are
bound to be kind and attentive to all our fellowT-crea-
tures, when they come in our way, and to avoid giving
them any unnecessary pain, by our manners or conver-
sation.

In order to teach children the right sort of polite-
ness, it must be taught through the agency of a pure
motive. They should not be taught to observe and re-
spect the feelings of others for the sake of making them-
selves pleasing, but merely because it is kind and be-
nevolent to do so.

If I saw a child point out the patched or ragged
garment of a poor companion, I wrould not say, ' You
must not laugh at her clothes ; if you do, she will think

121

you are proud' — I would say, c It grieves me very
much to see you so unkind. If your mother were poor,
and could not afford to get you new clothes, would it
not hurt your feelings to be laughed at ? Does not the
Bible tell you to do to others as you would wish to
have them do to you ? You must observe this precious
rule in little things, as well as in great things.'

From the foregoing hints, it will be seen that true
politeness is the spontaneous movement of a good heart,
and an observing mind. Benevolence will teach us
tenderness towards the feelings of others, and habits of
observation will enable us to judge promptly and easily
what those feelings are.

Outward politeness can be learned in set forms at
school ; but at the best, it will be hollow and deceptive.
Genuine politeness, like everything else that is genuine,
must come from the heart.

CHAP. IX.

BEAUTY. — DRESS. — GENTILITY.

Wherever there is hypocrisy, or an apparent neces-
sity for hypocrisy, there is something wrong. In the
management of children, are we sincere on the subject
of beauty ? When we see a handsome person, or a
handsome animal, they hear us eagerly exclaim ' Oh,
how beautiful!' 'What a lovely creature!' 'What
pretty eyes !' ' What a sweet mouth !' &c. Yet when
11

122

children say anything about beauty, we tell them it is of
no value at all — that they must not think anything
about beauty — c handsome is that handsome does/ &c.

The influence would be very contradictory, did not the
eagerness of our exclamations, and the coldness of our
moral lessons both tend to the same result ; they both give
children an idea that the subject is of great importance.
' Mother tells me beauty is of no consequence, because
she thinks I shall be vain ; but I am sure she and every-
body else seem to think it is of consequence,' said a
shrewd little girl of ten years old.

It certainly is natural to admire beauty, whether it
be in human beings, animals, or flowers; it is a" princi-
ple implanted within the human mind, and we cannot
get rid of it. Beauty is the outward form of goodness ;
and that is the reason we love it instinctively, without
thinking wThy we love it. The truth is, beauty is really
of some consequence ; but of very small consequence
compared with good principles, good feelings, and
good understanding. In this manner children ought to
hear it spoken of. There should be no affected indiffer-
ence on this or any other subject. If a child should
say, ' Everybody loves Jane Snow — she is so pretty.'
I would answer, ' Is Jane Snow a good, kind little girl ?
I should be pleased with her pretty face, and should
want to kiss her, when I first saw her ; but if I found
she was cross and selfish, I should not love her ; and I
should not wish to have her about me.' In this way
the attention will be drawn from the subject of beauty,
to the importance of goodness ; and there is no affecta-
tion in the business — the plain truth is told. We do
love beauty at first sight ; and we do cease to love it, if
it is not accompanied by amiable qualities.

123

Beauty is sp much more obvious than the qualities of
the mind and heart, and meets so much more of spon-
taneous admiration, that we should be very much on
our guard against increasing the value of a gift, which
is almost unavoidably over-rated. But \ve must re-
member that our common and involuntiy modes of
speaking are what form the opinions of a child ; moral
maxims have little, or no effect, if they are in opposi-
tion to our usual manner of speaking and acting. For
this reason, I would never call attention to beauty ; and
if dwelt upon with delighted eagerness by others, I
would always remark, Q She looks as if she had a sweet
disposition, or a bright mind J — thus leading the atten-
tion from mere outward loveliness to moral and intellec-
tual beauty. I would even avoid constantly urging a
child to put on a bonnet, lest she should be tanned. I
should prefer the simple reason, 'It is proper to
wear a bonnet out of doors ; don't you know mother
always wears one, when she goes out ?5 I should rather
a girl would have her face tanned and freckled by heat,
than have her mind tanned and freckled by vanity.

Perhaps there is no gift with which mortals are en-
dowed, that brings so much danger as beauty, in propor-
tion to the usefulness and happiness it produces. It is
so rare for a belle to be happy, or even contented, af-
ter the season of youth is past, that it is considered
almost a miracle. If your daughter is handsome, it is
peculiarly necessary that she should not be taught to
attach an undue importance to the dangerous gift ; and
if she is plain, it certainly is not for her happiness to
consider it as a misfortune.

For the reasons above given, I would restrain myself
in expressing admiration of beauty ; and when others

1-24

expressed it. I would always ask. ; Is she good :' Is she
amiable :' kc. I would even act upon this system to-
ward a very little child. I would not praise the beauty
of his kitten : and if he himself said, * Oh. what a
pretty puss ! How I love her !' I would answer,
•"She is a pretty puss, and a good puss. If she were
cross, and scratched me every time I touched her, I
should not love her. for all her flu* is so pretty.' All
this caution is perfectly consistent with truth. I would
never say that beauty was of no consequence in my
opinion ; because I could not say it truly.

With regard to dress, as in most other cases, a me-
dium between two extremes is desirable. A love of
finer}- and display is a much more common fault than
neglect of personal appearance ; both should be avoided.
Some parents teach their children to judge everybody's
merit by their dress ; they do not of course say it. in
so many direct words — but their influence produces that
effect. What else can be the result of hearing: such

expressions as the following ? ; Mr is very much

of a gentleman: he is always remarkably well dressed.5
• I- -uch a lady a desirable acquaintance? I presume
she is : for she is always very genteelly dressed.'

There are some people, who go to the opposite ex-
treme, and represent any attention to dress as unworthy
of a strong mind ; becoming costume is in their eyes a
mark of frivolity. I hardly know which of the two
extremes is the worst. Extravagance in dress does
great mischief both to fortune and character : but want
of neatness, and want of taste are peculiarly disgusting.
If finery betrays a frivolous mind, sluttishness and bad
taste, certainly betray an ill-regulated one. Neatness
and taste naturally proceed from a love of order. A

125

mother should not talk about dress, for the same reasons
that she should not talk about beauty ; but she should
be careful to have her own dress always neat, and well-
fitted, and to show a pure and delicate taste in the choice
of colors. By these means, children will form the
habit of dressing well, without ever thinking much about
it ; the habit will be so early formed, that it will seem
like a gift of nature. Miss Hamilton gives, in one short
sentence, all that can be said upon the subject ; she
says, ' Always dress in good taste ; but let your children
see that it employs very little of your time, less of your
thoughts, and none at all of your affections.'

The wish to place children in as good society as
possible is natural and proper ; but it must be remem-
bered that genteel society is not always good society.
If your manners and conversation imply more respect
for wealth than for merit, your children, of course, will
choose their acquaintance and friends according to the
style they can support, not according to character. Let
your family see that you most desire the acquaintance
of those who have correct principles, good manners,
and the power of imparting information. I have heard

mothers say, c To be sure Mr and Mrs do not bear

a very good character ; but they live in a great deal of
style ; they give beautiful parties ; and it is very
convenient to have the friendship of such people.'
What sort of morality can be expected of a family who
have been accustomed to such maxims ? What heart-
less, selfish, unprincipled beings are formed by such
lessons! If they do not succeed in attaining the
splendor they have been taught to covet, they will be
envious, jealous, and miserable ; if they do attain it, the
11*

126

most that can be said is, they will spend their thousands
in trying to appear happy before the world.

Human ambition and human policy labor after hap-
piness in vain ; goodness is the only foundation to build
upon. The wisdom of past ages declares this truth,
and our own observation confirms it ; all the world
acknowledge it; yet how few, how very few, are
willing to act upon it. We say we believe goodness
is always happiness, in every situation of life, and that
happiness should be our chief study ; we know that
wealth and distinction do not bring happiness ; but we are
anxious our children should possess them, because they
appear to confer enjoyment. What a motive for
immortal beings !

If the inordinate love of wealth and parade is not
checked among us, it will be the ruin of our country,
as it has been, and will be, the ruin of thousands of
individuals. What restlessness, what discontent, what
bitterness, what knavery and crime, have been produced
by this eager passion for money ! Mothers ! as you
love your children, and wish for their happiness, be
careful how you cherish this unquiet spirit, by speaking
and acting as if you thought wealth the greatest good.
Teach them to consider money valuable only for its
use ; and that it confers respectability only when it is
used well. Teach them to regard their childish
property as things held in trust for the benefit and
pleasure of their companions — that the only purpose
of having anything to call their own is that they may
use it for the good of others. If this spirit were more
inculcated we should not hear children so often say
c Let that alone, it is mine, and you sha'n't have it.'

127

Neither should we see such an unprincipled scrambling
for wealth — such willingness to cast off the nearest
and dearest relations in the pursuit of fashion — such
neglect of unfortunate merit — and such servile adula-
tion to successful villany. I will not mention religion,

— for its maxims have nothing in common with worldly
and selfish policy, — I will simply ask what republican-
ism there is in such rules of conduct ?

But there are always two sides to a question. If it
is pernicious to make money and style the standard of
respectability, it is likewise injurious and wrong to foster
a prejudice against the wealthy and fashionable. If we
experience the slightest degree of pleasure in discover-
ing faults or follies in those above us, there certainly is
something wrong in our own hearts. Never say to your
family ' Such a one feels above us5 — c Such a one
is too proud to come and see us5 — &c. In the first
place, perhaps it is not true ; (for I know by experience
that the poor are apt to be unreasonably suspicious of
the rich ; they begin by being cold and proud to their
wealthy acquaintance, for fear the wealthy mean to be
cold and proud to them ;) and even if it be true, that a
rich neighbor is haughty, or even insolent, you should
be careful not to indulge bad passions, because he does.
Your business is with your own heart — keep that pure

— and measure out to the rich man, as well as the poor
man, just as much of respect and regard as their charac-
ters deserve, and no more.

Do not suffer your mind to brood over the external
distinctions of society. Neither seek nor avoid those
who are superior in fortune ; meet them on the same
ground as you do the rest of your fellow-creatures.

t28

There is a dignified medium between cringing for notice,
and acting like a cat that puts up her back and spits,
when no dos; is coming.

Perhaps I say more on this subject than is necessary,
or useful. I am induced to say it. from having closely
observed the effect produced on society by the broad
and open field of competition in this country. All
blessings are accompanied with disadvantages : and it
is the business of the judicious to take the good and
leave the evil. In this country every man can make
his own station. This is indeed a blessing. But
what are some of the attendant dangers? Look at
that parent, who is willing to sacrifice her comfort, her
principles, nay even her pride, for the sake of pushing
her children into a little higher rank of life.

Look at another, too independent for such a course.
— Hear how he loves to rail about the aristocracy —
how much pleasure he takes in showing contempt of
the rich. Is his own heart right ? I fear not. I fear that
unbending independence, so honorable in itself, is
mixed with a baser feeling. The right path is between
extremes. I would never creep under a door, neither
would I refuse to enter when it was opened wide for
my reception.

Poverty and wealth have different temptations ; but
they are equally strong. The rich are tempted to pride
and insolence ; the poor to jealousy and envy. The
envious and discontented poor invariably become haughty
and overbearing when rich ; for selfishness is equally at
the bottom of these opposite evils. Indeed, it is at
the bottom of all manner of evils.

129

CHAP. X.

MANAGEMENT DURING THE TEENS.

The period from twelve to sixteen years of age is
extremely critical in the formation of character, partic-
ularly with regard to daughters. The imagination is
then all alive, and the affections are in full vigor, while
the judgment is unstrengthened by observation, and
jnthusiasm has never learned moderation of experience.
During this important period, a mother cannot be too
watchful. As much as possible, she should keep a
daughter under her own eye; and above all things she
should encourage entire confidence Towards herself.
This can be done by a ready sympathy with youthful
feelings, and by avoiding all unnecessary restraint and
harshness. I believe it is extremely natural to choose
a mother in preference to all other friends and confi-
dants ; but if a daughter, by harshness, indifference,
or an unwillingness to make allowance for youthful
feeling, is driven from the holy resting place, which
nature has provided for her security, the greatest dan-
ger is to be apprehended. Nevertheless. I would not
have mothers too indulgent, for fear of weaning the
affections of children. This is not the way to gain the
perfect love of young people ; a judicious parent is
always better beloved, and more respected, than a fool-
ishly indulgent one. The real secret is, for a mother
never to sanction the slightest error, or imprudence,
but at the same time to keep her heart warm and
fresh, ready to sympathize with all the innocent gayety

130

and enthusiasm of youth. Salutary restraint, but not
unnecessary restraint, is desirable.

I will now proceed to state what appears to me
peculiarly important at the age I have mentioned ; and
I trust the hints I may suggest will prove acceptable to
judicious parents. Heedlessness is so commonly the
fault of the teens, that I shall first mention the great
importance of habits of order, and neatness. The
drawers, trunks and work-box of a young lady should
be occasionally inspected, for the purpose of correct-
ing any tendency to wastefulness, or sluttishness.
Particular care should be taken of the teeth ; they
should be washed with a clean brush and water at
least twice a day ; to cleanse them just before retiring
to rest promotes sweetness of breath, and tends to
preserve them from decay. Buttons off, muslins wrink-
led, the petticoat below the edge of the gown, shoe-
strings broken, and hair loose and straggling, should
never pass unnoticed. Serious advice from a father
on these subjects does more good than anything else.
Smooth, well arranged hair, and feet perfectly neat,
give a genteel, tasteful appearance to the whole
person.

A dress distinguished for simplicity and freshness is
abundantly more lady-like than the ill-placed furbe-
lows of fashion. It is very common to see vulgar,
empty-minded people perpetually changing their dresses,
without ever acquiring the air of a gentlewoman. If
there is simplicity in the choice of colors, — if clothes
set well, and are properly pinned, tied and arranged, — if
they always have a neat, fresh look, — and above all,
if the head and the feet are always in order, —

131

nothing more is required for a perfectly lady-like ap-
pearance.

Nothing tends to produce a love of order so much
as the very early habits of observation, and attention to
trifles, which I have so particularly urged in various
parts of this book. I would teach a daughter to
observe such trifling things as the best manner of opening
a new piece of tape ; and I would take every precau-
tion to conquer the spirit that leads young people to
say c I don't care.' ' No matter how it is done.' — he.

I have, in a previous chapter, spoken of the effect
which habits of observation have upon politeness of
manner; and I cannot, while speaking of an age
peculiarly liable to affectation, pass by the subject of
good manners without saying a few words more con-
cerning that most disgusting and injurious fault. Let
all your influence be exerted to check the slightest
appearance of affectation. No matter whether it be
affectation of goodness, of learning, of sentimentality,
of enthusiasm, of simplicity, or of gracefulness. — It
will start up in a multitude of new forms, like the
fabled heads of the hydra — but cut them off unspar-
ingly. This fault, with its most artful covering, is
easily detected ; nature has a quiet sincerity about her,
that cannot be mistaken, or counterfeited. An absence
of all anxiety to appear well, is the very surest way to
be attractive. An entire forgetfulness of self, and a
good-natured wish to oblige and amuse others, produces
a feeling of ease in company, and more effectually
gives the stamp of refined society, than all the affect-
ation and finery in the world. Bashfulness is very
unbecoming and awkward, while modesty is peculiarly

132

fascinating to every one. People are bashful when
they are thinking about themselves and are anxious to
appear well ; they are modest when they forget them-
selves, and are simply willing to do what they can to
make others happy. Proud people, unless they have
long been accustomed to taking the lead in society,
are very apt to be bashful ; modesty and humility
generally go together. Selfishness is the cause of
bashfulness, as well as of more serious evils.

Habits of order should be carried into experjses.
From the time children are twelve years old, they
should keep a regular account of what they receive,
and wThat they expend. This will produce habits of
care, and make them think whether they employ their
money usefully. It is an excellent plan for a father, at
the beginning of the year, to state what he is willing
each child, older than twelve, should expend per
quarter. At first, the greater part might be under a
mother's direction, for clothes, and other necessaries ;
and only a small portion be at the disposal of the child.
In this way, a father knows certainly what he expends
for each ; and domestic discord is not likely to be
produced by bills unexpectedly large. When the
arrangement is once made, -nothing should be add-
ed ; the idea of being helped out of difficulties
brought on by thoughtlessness and extravagance, would
defeat the express purpose of an allowance. A mother
can generally tell very nearly what it is necessary and
proper for a daughter to expend yearly ; if you find you
really have not allowed enough, make larger provision
the next year ; but never add to what was originally
agreed upon, except under very extraordinary circum-

133

stances. At sixteen years of age, or perhaps sooner,
where there is great maturity of character, a young
lady may be profited by being trusted with the whole
of her allowance, to spend at discretion ; always, how-
ever, rendering an exact account to her parents, at the
end of the year.

Some may think such a system could be pursued only
by the wealthy ; but it is no matter whether the quar-
terly allowance is fifty dollars, or fifty cents — the prin-
ciple is the same. The responsibility implied by such
trust gives children more self-respect, and self-command ;
it helps them to remember how much they owe to the
generosity of parents ; and checks their heedlessness in
the expenditure of money. But its most important use
is in teaching them to be really benevolent. Children
who go to a parent and ask for things to give away,
may know what kind impulses are, but they know
nothing about real benevolence of principle. True
generosity is a willingness to deny ourselves for the
benefit of others — to give up something of our own,
that we really like, for the sake of doing good. If a
child has a quarter of a dollar a month to expend, and
gives half of it to a poor sick neighbor, instead of laying
it up to buy a book, or a trinket, he knows more of
real benevolence, than could be taught by all the books
and maxims in the world. When you know of any
such action, let a child see that it increases your affec-
tion and respect. Do not let the hurry of business, or
the pressure of many cares, keep you from expressing
marked approbation. Human nature is weak, and
temptation strong. Young people need to be cheered
onward in the path of goodness ; and they should never
12

134

be disappointed in the innocent expectation of giving
pleasure to a parent. But do not praise them in the
presence of others ; and do not say much about it, as if
it were any great thing — merely treat them with unu-
sual affection and confidence. Do not compensate
their benevolence by making them presents. This will
lead them into temptation. It will no longer be self-
denial in them to give ; for they will be sure they shall
lose nothing in the end. They should learn to take
pleasure in losing their own gratifications for the benefit
of others.

One very good effect resulting from keeping an exact
account of expenses, had well nigh escaped my memory.
Should your daughter ever become a wife, this habit
will enable her to conform more easily to her husband's
income. A great deal of domestic bitterness has been
produced by a wife's not knowing, or not thinking, how
much she expends. Every prudent man wishes to
form some calculation about the expenses of his family ;
and this he cannot do, if a wife keeps no accounts, or
keeps them irregularly.

In connexion with this subject, I would urge the
vast importance of a thorough knowledge of arithmetic
among women. It is a study that greatly tends to
strengthen the mind, and produce careful habits of
thought ; and no estate can be settled without it. In
England and France, it is no uncommon thing for the
wife of a great manufacturer or merchant, to be his
head clerk.

An American lady, now residing in Paris, is said to
be an invaluable partner to her wealthy husband, on
account of her perfect knowledge of his extensive busi-

135

ness, and the exact and judicious manner in which she
conducts affairs during his absence. I do not wish to
see American women taking business out of the hands
of men ; but I wish they were all capable of doing busi-
ness, or settling an estate, when it is necessary. For
this purpose, a very thorough knowledge of book-keep-
ing should be attained ; both the old and the new sys-
tem should be learned. Nor should a general knowledge
of the Jaws connected with the settlement of estates be
neglected. Every young person ought to be well ac-
quainted with the contents of Sullivan's Political Class-
Book. Many a widow and orphan has been cheated in
consequence of ignorance on these subjects.

Should your daughter never have an estate to settle,
or business to transact, her knowledge of arithmetic,
book-keeping and penmanship may be valuable to her
as a means of support. I do think children should be
brought up with a dread of being dependent on the
bounty of others. Some young ladies think it a degra-
dation to support themselves ; and to avoid it, they are
willing to stay with any relation, who will furnish them
a home. This is not indulging aright spirit. We ought
to be resigned and cheerful in a dependent situation,
when we cannot possibly provide for ourselves ; but a
willingness to burthen others, when we can help it by
a little exertion, is not resignation — it is mere pride
and indolence. Next to a love of usefulness, knowledge
should be valued because it multiplies our resources in
case of poverty. This unwillingness to subsist on the
bounty of others should not be taught as a matter of pride,
but of principle ; it should proceed from an unwillingness
to take away the earnings of others, without rendering

136

some equivalent, and a reluctance to share what pro-
perly belongs to the more unfortunate and needy.
There is nothing selfish in this. It springs from a real
regard to the good of others.

I would make it an object so "to educate children that
they could in case of necessity support themselves re-
spectably. For this reason, if a child discovered a de-
cided talent for any accomplishment, I would cultivate
it; if my income would possibly allow of it. Every-
thing we add to our knowledge, adds to our means of
usefulness. If a girl have a decided taste for drawing,
for example, and it is encouraged, it is a pleasant re-
source which will make her home agreeable, and lessen
the desire for company and amusements ; if she marry,
it will enable her to teach her children without the ex-
pense of a master : if she live unmarried, she may gain
a livelihood by teaching the art she at first learned as a
mere gratification of taste. The same thing may be
said of music, and a variety of other things, not gene-
rally deemed necessary in education. In all cases it is
that what is learned should be learned well. In
order to do this, good masters should be preferred to
cheap ones. Bad habits once learned, are not easily
corrected. It is far better that children should learn one
I thoroughly, than many things superficially. Make
up your mind how much you can afford to spend for
one particular thing : and when you have decided that,
spend it as far as it will go in procuring really good
teachers. I believe this to be the best economy in the
end. It is better to take twelve lessons from a first
rate French teacher, than to take a hundred from one,
who does not know how to speak the language \ be-

137

Cause in the latter case, bad habits of pronunciation will
be learned, and probably never corrected. The same thing
is true of all kinds of knowledge, solid or ornamental.

While speaking of acquirements, I would again urge
the great necessity of persevering in whatever pursuits
are commenced. Time, talent, and money, are often
shamefully wasted by learning a variety of things, be-
cause they prove more difficult than was at first imagin-
ed ; and what is worst of all, every individual instance
of this kind, strengthens the pernicious habit of being
easily discouraged at obstacles. A young lady should
be very sure she knows her own mind before she begins
any pursuit ; but when it is once begun, it should be an
unalterable law that she must persevere.

Perhaps some parents of moderate fortune will ask if
there is no clanger of unfitting girls for the duties of their
station, and making them discontented with their situa-
tion in life, by teaching them accomplishments merely
ornamental. For myself, I do not believe that any kind
of knowledge ever unfitted a person for the discharge
of dutv, provided that knowledge ivas acquired from a
right motive. It is wonderful what different results the
same thing will produce, when the motives are different.
No matter what is learned, provided it be acquired as a
means of pleasing a parent, of becoming useful to
others, or of acquiring a necessary support. If you
induce children to learn any particular thing for the
sake of showing off, or being as grand as their neigh-
bors, then indeed you will unfit them for their duties,
and make them discontented with their situation. Look-
ing to others for our standard of happiness is the sure
way to be miserable. Our business is with our own
12*

138

hearts, and our own motives. When I say that a decided
talent for any pursuit should be encouraged, I do not
mean that every whim and caprice should be indulged.
Mothers often talk about giving their daughters a taste
for music, and a taste for painting, when in fact they
only wish to excite in them a silly ambition to have as
many accomplishments to show off, as other girls have.
The consequence is, such families undertake to do a
multitude of things, and do nothing well. A good deal
of money is spent to very little purpose ; for such
young ladies do not really take pleasure in their employ-
ments ; and if left destitute, they could not teach what
they do not half understand.

My idea is this — First, be sure that children are fa-
miliar with all the duties of their present situation ; at
the same time, by schools, by reading, by conversation,
give them as much solid knowledge as you can, — no
matter how much, or of what kind, — it will come in
use some time or other ; and lastly, if your circum-
stances are easy, and you can afford to indulge your
children in any matter of taste, do it fearlessly, without
any idea that it will unfit them for more important du-
ties. Neither learning nor accomplishments do any
harm to man or woman if the motive for acquiring them
be a proper one ; on the contrary, those who know
most, are apt to perform their duties best — provided
the heart and the conscience have been educated as
well as the understanding. I believe a variety of
knowledge (acquired from such views as I have stated)
would make a man a better servant, as well as a better
president ; and make a woman a better wife, as well
as a better teacher. A selfish use of riches leads to

139

avarice, pride, and contempt of manual exertion; a self-
ish use of knowledge leads to pedantry, affectation,
unwillingness to conform to others, and indolence in any
pursuit not particularly pleasing to ourselves. But the
fault is not in the riches, or the knowledge — the diffi-
culty lies in the selfish use of these advantages. If
both were held in trust, as a means of doing good, how
different would be the result ! For this reason, I should
never wish children to learn anything because some of
their companions were learning it. I would always
offer present or future usefulness as a motive. For in-
stance, if a daughter was very desirous of learning mu-
sic, I would ask her tvhy she desired it. If she answer-
ed, or if I had reason to think, it was because some one
else was learning it, I would at once discountenance it, by
telling her the motive was a very poor one ; but if she
said she wished to learn, because she loved it very much
I would readily enter into her wishes, and promise to
ask her father's permission. If the request were grant-
ed, I would say, c You know we are not rich enough
to have good music-masters for all of you ; but your
father is willing to expend more upon you than he could
otherwise afford, from the idea that you will learn care-
fully and thoroughly, and thus be able to teach your
brothers and sisters. At some future time, your music
may perhaps be the means of supporting yourself and
doing good to others. You can likewise bring it into
immediate use ; for you will very soon be able to amuse
your father in return for this kind indulgence.5

I have know young ladies, on whom a good deal
had been expended, who more than repaid their parents
by their assistance in educating younger branches of the

140

family ; and is not such a preparation likely to make
the duties of a mother more pleasant and familiar to them ?
In some cases the acquirements and industry of one
branch of the family have served to educate and bring
forward all the rest ; is not such a power, well-used,
extremely conducive to kindness and benevolence?

It is certainly very desirable to fit children for the
station they are likely to fill, as far as a parent can judge
what that station will be. In this country, it is a diffi-
cult point to decide : for half our people are in a totally
different situation from what might have been expect-
ed in their childhood. However, one maxim is as safe,
as it is true — i. e. A well-informed mind is the hap-
piest and the most useful in all situations. Every new
acquirement is something added to a solid capital. To
imitate every passing fashion is a very different thing from
gaining knowlec1 re. To thrum a few tunes upon a piano,
and paint a few gaudy flowers, does not deserve to be
spoken of as a part of education; — a fashionable scarf,
or a bright ribbon, might as well be called so. I would
never have music, painting, kc, learned at all, unless
they could be learned perfectly, and practised with real
good taste : and here I would make the passing remark,
that a well-cultivated, observing mind, is most likely to
be tasteful in all the lighter and more ornamental branches.
The sure way to succeed in anything is to cultivate the
intellectual faculties, and keep the powers of attention
wide awake. If the mental faculties are kept vigorous
by constant use, they will excel in anything to which
their strength is applied. I think it is peculiarly unwise
to sacrifice comfort, benevolence, or the more solid
branches of learning, to any of the elegant arts ; but

141

when you can attain all these and a little more, it is
much better to spend the surplus in giving your children
a new pleasure, and an additional resource against
erty, than it is to expend it in superfluous articles of
dress, or furniture. The same remarks that apply to
music, drawing, kc. apply to a variety of things, that
may be acquired at little or no expense — such as braid-
* raw. working muslin, doing rug-work. &:c. — I would
teach a child to learn every innocent thing, which it
was in her power to learn. If it is not wanted imme-
diately, it can be laid by for future use. I have a strong
partiality for those old-fashioned employments, marking
and rug-work. The formation of the figures, counting
the thread-, and arranging the colors, require a great deal
of care ; and the necessity of close attention is extremely
salutary to young people.

Important as a love of reading is. there are cases
where it ought to be checked. It is mere selfishness
and indolence to neglect active duties for the sake
of books ; we have no right to do it. Children of a
languid and lazy temperament are sometimes willing to
devote all their time to reading, for the sake of avoiding
bodily exertion ; such a tendency should be counteracted
by endeavoring to interest them in active duties and
amusements. • Particular pains should be taken to in-
duce them to attend to the feelings of others. What*
services and attentions they exact from* others, they
should be obliged in their turn to pay.5 Out of door
exercise, frequent walks, and a lively attention to
beauties of nature, are very beneficial to such disposi-
tions. On the contrary, those who have no love for
quiet, mental pleasures, should be attracted by interest-

142

mg books and entertaining conversation. A mother
needs to be something of a philosopher. — In other, and
better words, she needs a great deal of practical good
sense, and habits of close observation.

With regard to what is called a natural genius for
any particular employment, I think it should be fostered,
wherever it is decidedly shown ; but great care should
be taken to distinguish between a strong natural bias
and the sudden whims and caprices, to which compan-
ions, or accidental circumstances, have given birth. No
doubt each individual has the gift to do some one par-
ticular thing better than others, if he could but discover
wThat that gift is. We all do best what we strongly love
to do. I believe the perfect and entire union of duty
and inclination in our employments constitutes genius.
Men seldom become very great in any pursuit they do
not love with the whole heart and soul ; and since this
is the way to arrive at the greatest perfection, it is very
desirable to find out the bias of character in early life.
This is not to be done by asking questions ; but by
quietly observing what a child most delights in, and
what he asks about most frequently and eagerly.

With regard to lessons, reading, and work, the atten-
tion of children should be kept awake by talking with
them, asking questions on the subject, and showing
them the best and most convenient methods of doing
whatever they are about; but great care should be
taken not to help them too much. No more assistance
than is absolutely necessary should be given. — Leave
them to their own ingenuity. Young people will always
be helpless, if they are not obliged to think and do for
themselves.

142

With regard to the kind of books that are read, great
precaution should be used. No doubt the destiny of
individuals has very often been decided by volumes
accidentally picked up and eagerly devoured at a period
of life when every new impression is powerful and abid-
ing. For this reason, parents, or some guardian friends,
should carefully examine every volume they put into
the hands of young people. In doing this, the disposi-
tion and character of the child should be considered.
If a bold ambitious boy is dazzled by the trappings of
war, and you do not wish to indulge his disposition to
be a soldier, avoid placing in his way fascinating biogra-
phies of military heroes ; for the same reason do not
strengthen a restless, roving tendency by accounts of
remarkable voyages and adventures., I do not mean to
speak disparagingly of Voyages and Travels ; I consider
them the best and most attractive books in the world ;
I merely suggest a caution against strengthening any
dangerous bias of character.

A calm, steady temperament may be safely indulged
in reading works of imagination, — nay, perhaps requires
such excitement to rouse it sufficiently, — but an excita-
ble romantic disposition should be indulged sparingly in
such reading. To forbid all works of fiction cannot do
good. There is an age when all mortals, of any sense
or feeling, are naturally romantic and imaginative. This
state of feeling, instead of being violently wrestled with,
should be carefully guided and restrained, by reading
only the purest and most eloquent works of fiction.
The admirable and unfortunate Lady Russell, in a
letter, written on the anniversary of her husband's exe-
cution, says, ' At such seasons I do not contend with

144

frail nature, but keep her as innocent as lean' This
rule may be wisely applied to that period of life when
young people, from the excess of mental energy, and
the riot of unwearied fancy, are most bewitched to read
novels.

Never countenance by word or example that silly
affected sensibility which leads people to faint or run
away at the sight of danger, or distress. If such a
habit is formed, try to conquer it by reasoning, and by
direct appeals to good feeling. Nothing can be more
selfish than to run away from those who are suffering,
merely because the sight is painful. True sensibility
leads us to overcome our own feelings for the good of
others.

Great caution should be used with regard to the
habits of talking in a family. Talk of things rather
than of persons, lest your children early imbibe a love
of gossipping. Particularly avoid the habit of speaking
ill of others. We acquire great quickness of perception
in those things to which we give attention in early life ;
and if we have been in the habit of dwelling on the
defects of others, we shall not only be ill-natured in our
feelings, but we shall actually have the faculty of per-
ceiving blemishes much more readily than virtues.
This tendency always to look on the black side is a
very unfortunate habit, and may often be traced to the
influences around us in childhood. "*

Some people fly to the opposite extreme. From
the idea of being charitable, they gloss over everything,
and make no distinction between vice and virtue. This
is false charity. We should not speak well of what we
do not believe to be good and true. We may avoid

145

saying anything of persons, unless we can speak well of
them ; but when we are obliged to discuss a subject,
we should never in the least degree palliate and excuse
what we know to be wrong.

It is a great mistake to think that education is fin-
ished when young people leave school. Education is
never finished. Half the character is formed after we
cease to learn lessons from books ; and at that active
and eager age it is formed with a rapidity and strength
absolutely startling to think of. Do you ask what forms
it ? I answer the every-day conversation they hear, the
habits they witness, and the people they are taught to
respect. Sentiments thrown out in jest, or carelessness,
and perhaps forgotten by the speaker, as soon as ut-
tered, often sink deeply into the youthful mind, and
have a powerful influence on future character. This
is true in very early childhood; and it is peculiarly true
at the period when youth is just ripening into manhood.
Employ what teachers we may, the influences at home
will have the mightiest influences in education. School-
masters may cultivate the intellect ; but the things said
and done at home are busy agents in forming the affec-
tions ; and the last have infinitely more important con-
sequences than the first.

A knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price
to a woman. Every one ought to know how to sew,
and knit, and mend, and cook, and superintend a house-
hold. In every situation of life, high or low, this sort
of knowledge is a great advantage. There is no neces-
sity that the gaining of such information should inter-
fere with intellectual acquirement, or even with elegant
accomplishments. A well regulated mind can find time
13

146

to attend to all. When a girl is nine or ten years old,
nould be accustomed to take some regular share in
household duties, and to feel responsible for the manner
in which it is done. — such as doing her own mending
and making:, washing the cups and putting them in place.
the silver, dusting the parlor, kc. This
should not be done occasionally, and neglected when-
ever it convenient ; she should consider it her
department. When they are older than twelve, girls
should berin to take turns in superintending the house-
hold, keeping an account of weekly expenses, cooking
puddings, pies. cake. ke. To learn anything effectu-
ally, they should actually do these things themselves, —
not stand by. and see others do them. It is a great
ke in mothers to make such slaves of themselves,
rather than divide their cares with daughters. A variety
of employment, and a feeling of trust and responsibility-
add very much to the real happiness of young people.
All who have observed human nature closely will agree
that a vast deal depends upon how people deport them-
selves the first year after their marriage. If any little
nsions arise during that period. — if fretfulness and
repining are indulged on one side, indifference and dis-
like on the other will surely follow. — and when this
once takes place, farewell to all hopes of perfect domes-
tic love. People may indeed agree to live peaceably
and respectably together. — but the charm is broken —
the best and dearest rift God gives to mortals is lost.
thing can ever supply the place of that spontaneous
tenderness, that boundless sympathy of soul, which has
been so thoughtlessly destroyed. • Beware of the first
quarrel.' is the best advice that was ever riven to mar-

147

ried people. Now I would ask any reflecting mc-
whether a girl brought up in ignorance of household
duties, is not very likely to fret, when she is first ob.
to attend to them r Will not her want of practice
decidedly interfere with the domestic comfort of her
family, and will it not likewise be a very serious trial to
her own temper ? I have known many instances where
young married women have been perplexed, discours _
and miserable, under a sense of domestic cares, which,
being so entirely new to them, seemed absolutely insup-
portable. The spirit of complaint to which this naturally
gives rise is not very complimentary to the husband ;
and it is not wonderful if he becomes dissatisfied with a
wife, whom he cannot render happy.

Young girls learn many mischievous lessons from
their companions at school. Among a mass of young
ladies collected from all sorts of families, there will of
course be much vanity, frivolity, and deceit, and some
indecency. The utmost watchfulness of a teacher can-
not prevent some bad influences. For this reas
should myself decidedly prefer instructing a daughter
in my own house ; but I am aware that in most families
this course would be expensive and inconvenient.
However, I would never trust a youns: girl at a boarding
school without being sure that her room-mate was dis-
creet, well-principled, and candid. I should rather have
a daughter's mind a little less improved, than to have
her heart exposed to corrupt influences ; for this reason.
I should prefer a respectable school in the country to a
fashionable one in the citv. For the same reason. I
should greatly dread a young lady's making; long vi
from home, unless I had perfect confidence in even'

148

member of the family she visited, and in every person
to whom they would be likely to introduce her. There
is no calculating the mischief that is done by the
chance acquaintances picked up in this way. If there
are sons in the families visited, the danger is still greater.
I do not of course, allude to any immorality of con-
duct ; I should hope girls even tolerably educated
would never be guilty of anything like immodesty.
But young ladies, ignorant of the world and its vices,
often do imprudent things without knowing them to be
imprudent. If they have strong and enthusiastic af-
fections, even their innocent frankness will in all proba-
bility be misconstrued by those who are not them-
selves pure and open-hearted. At all events, the fre-
quent intercourse likely to exist between a visiter and
the brothers of her friend is extremely apt to fill her
head with a diseased anxiety for the admiration of the
other sex, and with silly, romantic ideas about love —
ideas which have no foundation in reason, nature, or
common sense. Many unhappy matches have been
the result of placing young people under the influence
of such sentimental excitement, before they were old
enough to know their own minds. Such unions are
often dignified with the name of Zo#e-matches ; but love
has nothing to do with the business — fancy, vanity,
or passion is the agent ; and vanity is by far the most
busy of the three. To call such thoughtless connex-
ions Zove-matches is a libel upon the deepest, holiest,
and most thoughtful of all the passions.

In this country, girls are often left to themselves at
the very period when above all others, they need a
mother's care. In France, mothers always visit with

149

their daughters ; and if restraint upon unmarried people
is carried to excess there, we certainly err on the
opposite extreme. We allow too much freedom, and
we allow it too soon. I believe it is much better for a
very young lady never to go about alone, or visit for
any length of time from home, without her mother.

Youth must have friends, and those friends, being
loved ardently, will have prodigious influence. The
choice requires extreme caution. The whole of hu-
man destiny is often materially affected by those with
whom we are intimate at fourteen or fifteen years of
age. The safest method is not to put children in the
way of those whom you dare not trust. Do not
expressly forbid an acquaintance, (unless great faults
of character demand such restrictions) but endeavor
by every possible means to withdraw your child from
society you deem improper ; occupy her with other
things, and interest her in other persons. If an inti-
macy does spring up, notwithstanding your precautions,
talk openly and reasonably about it ; and let your
daughter understand that you decidedly object to
something in the young lady's principles, manners,
or habits. Wealth and station should never be spoken
of as either for or against forming a friendship ; the
generous mind of youth never thinks of these artificial
distinctions, and we certainly do wrong to teach them.
Your chief safety lies in the manner in which you have
educated your daughter. If her mind, heart, and
conscience have all been cultivated, she will not love
to associate with the ignorant, the vulgar, and the
vicious ; she will naturally seek the well-informed, the
13*

150

well-principled, and the truly refined, because she will
have most sympathy with them.

A mother has an undoubted right to inspect her
childrens* letters, as well as the books they read ; and
if a young lady feels this to be any hardship, there is
certainly something wrong, in one or other of the par-
ties. Where young people are habitually discreet, it is
not well to exercise this right very often ; but children
should always feel perfectly willing that letters may be
opened, or not, at a parent's option. But parents, on
their part, must consider that this entire confidence
cannot naturally and reasonably be expected to exist,
unless they evince perfect good-nature, and a lively
sympathy with youthful feeling. Perfect confidence
between parent and child is a seven-fold shield against
temptation.

There is one subject, on which I am very anxious
to say a great deal ; but on which, for obvious reasons,
I can say very little. Judging by my own observation,
I believe it to be the greatest evil now existing in educa-
tion. I mean the want of confidence between mothers
and daughters on delicate subjects. Children from
books, and from their own observation, soon have their
curiosity excited on such subjects ; this is perfectly
natural and innocent, and if frankly met by a mother,
it would never do harm. But on these occasions it is
customary either to put young people off with lies, or
still further to excite their curiosity by mystery and
embarrassment. Information being refused them at
the only proper source, they immediately have recourse
to domestics, or immodest school-companions ; and
very often their young minds are polluted with filthy

151

anecdotes of vice and vulgarity. This ought not to
be. Mothers are the only proper persons to convey
such knowledge to a child's mind. They can do it
without throwing the slightest stain upon youthful
purity ; and it is an imperious duty that they should
do it. A girl who receives her first ideas on these
subjects from the shameless stories and indecent jokes
of vulgar associates, has in fact prostituted her mind by
familiarity with vice. A diseased curiosity is excited,
and undue importance given to subjects, which those
she has been taught to respect think it necessary to
envelope in so much mystery ; she learns to think a
great deal about them, and to ask a great many questions.
This does not spring from any natural impurity ; the
same restless curiosity would be excited by any sub-
ject treated in the same manner. On the contrary, a
well-educated girl of twelve years old, would be per-
fectly satisfied with a frank, rational explanation from
a mother. It would set her mind at rest upon the
subject; and instinctive modesty would prevent her
recurring to it unnecessarily, or making it a theme of
conversation with others. Mothers are strangely averse
to encouraging this sort of confidence. I know not
why it is, but they are usually the very last persons
in the world to whom daughters think of applying in
these cases. Many a young lady has fallen a victim
to consumption from a mother's bashfulness in imparl-
ing necessary precautions ; and many, oh, many more,
have had their minds corrupted beyond all cure.

I would not by any means be understood to approve
of frequent conversations of this kind between parent
and child — and least of all, anything like jesting, or

152

double meanings. I never saw but two women, who
indulged in such kind of mirth before their daughters ;
and I never think of them but with unmingled disgust.
I do believe that after one modest and rational expla-
nation, the natural purity and timidity of youth would
check a disposition to talk much about it.

It is usually thought necessary, even by the very con-
scientious, to tell falsehoods about such subjects ; but I
believe it cannot do good, and may do harm. I would
say to a young child, < I cannot tell you now, because
you are not old enough to understand it. When you
are old enough, I will talk with you ; but you must
remember not to ask anybody but me. You know I
always have a reason for what I say to you ; and I tell
you it would be very improper to talk with other people
about it. I promise you that 1 will explain it all to you,
as soon as you are old enough to understand it.'

This promise ought to be faithfully kept ; and if
young people meet with anything in books that requires
explanation, they should be taught to apply to their
mother, and to no one else. Such a course would, I am
very sure, prevent a great deal of impurity and impru-
dence.

It is a bad plan for young girls to sleep with nursery
maids, unless you have the utmost confidence in the
good principles and modesty of your domestics. There
is a strong love among vulgar people of telling secrets,
and talking on forbidden subjects. From a large pro-
portion of domestics this danger is so great, that I
apprehend a prudent mother will very rarely, under
any circumstances, place her daughter in the same
sleeping apartment with a domestic, until her character

153

is so much formed, that her own dignity will lead her
to reject all improper conversation. A well-principled,
amiable elder sister is a great safeguard to a girl's purity
of thought and propriety of behaviour. It is extremely
important that warm-hearted, imprudent youth, should
have a safe and interesting companion. A judicious
mother can do a vast deal toward supplying this want ;
but those who have such a shield as a good sister are
doubly blessed.

In the chapter on politeness I have mentioned how
much little courtesies and kind attentions tend to
strengthen the bonds of family love ; and I firmly
believe that these things, small as they may appear
singly and separately, are of very great importance.
Everything which ties the heart to home, has a good
influence. Brothers and sisters cannot be too much
encouraged in perfect kindness and candor toward each
other. Any slight rudeness, a want of consideration
for each other's feelings, or of attention to each other's
comfort, should be treated with quite as much impor-
tance as similar offences against strangers. The habit
of putting on politeness to go abroad, and of throwing
it off at home, does more moral mischief than we are
apt to imagine. I know families, conscientious in all
great things, who yet think it no harm to peep into
each other's letters, or use each other's property without
permission ; yet I look upon these things as absolutely
unprincipled ; they are positive infringements upon the
golden rule.

If one member of a family has any peculiarity, or
personal defect, he should be treated with unusual deli-
cacy and affection. The best way to cure any defect

154

is to treat persons in such a manner, that they them-
selves forget it. Perpetual consciousness of any disa-
greeable peculiarity increases the evil prodigiously. This
is particularly true of physical imperfections ; stuttering
and lisping, for instance, are made ten times worse by
beins laushed at. or observed. It is the fear of exciting;
remark that makes people stutter so much worse before
strangers.

Parents are too apt to show a preference for the
smartest or prettiest of the family. This is exactly the
reverse of right Those who are the least attractive
abroad should be the most fostered at home ; otherwise
they may become chilled and discouraged ; and the
talents and good qualities they have, may die away in
the secrecy of their own bosoms, for want of something
to call them into exercise.

The bo Brents is to develope each individual

character so as to produce the greatest amount of use-
fulness and happiness. It is very selfish to bestow the
most attention upon those who are the most pleasing,
or most likely to do credit to a parent in the eyes of
the world. Those who are painfully diffident of them-
selves should be treated with distinguished regard ; they
should be consulted on interesting subjects, and when
their opinions are injudicious, they should be met by
open and manly arguments, and never treated with any
degree of contempt, or indifference.

To have the various members of a family feel a
common interest, as if they were all portions of the
same body, is extremely desirable. It is a beautiful
sight to see sisters willing to devote their talents and
industry to the education of brothers, or a brother willing

155

to deny himself selfish gratifications for a sister's improve-
ment, or a parent's comfort. Little respectful attentions
to a parent tend very much to produce this delightful
domestic sympathy. Nothing is more graceful than
children employed in placing a father's arm-chair and
slippers, or busying themselves in making everything
look cheerful against his return ; and there is something
more than mere looks concerned in these becoming
attentions — these trifling things lay the foundation of
strong and deeply virtuous feelings. The vices and
temptations of the world have little danger for those
who can recollect beloved parents and a happy home.
The holy and purifying influence is carried through life,
and descends to bless and encourage succeeding genera-
tions. For this reason, too much cannot be done to
produce an earnest and confiding friendship between
parents and children. Mothers should take every
opportunity to excite love, gratitude, and respect, toward
a father. His virtues and his kind Id be a favorite

theme, when talking with his children. The same rule
that applies to a wife, in these respects of course, applies
to a husband. It should be the business of each to
strengthen the bonds of domestic union.

Every effort should be made to make home as plea-
sant as possible. The habit of taking turns to read
interesting books aloud, while the others are at work,
is an excellent plan. Music has likewise a cheerful
influence, and greatly tends to produce refinement of
taste. It has a very salutary effect for whole families
to unite in singing before retiring to rest : or at any
other time, when it is pleasant and convenient. On
such occasions, I think there should be at least one

156

simple tune in which the little children can join without
injury to their young voices. I believe the power of
learning to sing is much more general than has hitherto
been believed ; and the more subjects there are in which
the different members of a family can sympathize, the
greater will be their harmony and love.

It will probably be gathered from what I have said in
the preceding pages, that I do not approve of young
ladies' visiting very young, — that is, being what is call-
ed brought out, or going into company. I think those
parents whose situation does not make it necessary to
have their daughters brought out at all, are peculiarly
blest ; and under all circumstances, I am sure it is best
for a daughter never to visit without a mother, till she
is past seventeen years of age. A round of gayety is
alike fascinating and unprofitable ; it wastes time, dis-
tracts attention, and makes everyday duties and plea-
sures appear dull and uninteresting. But even without
any reference to moral effects, too early intercourse with
the world is bad policy. It keeps a young lady a great
while before the public, and makes her seem old, while
she is yet young ; moreover, late hours, excitement, and
irregularity of food, make large demands upon health
and strength, before the constitution is fully established ;
the mind and heart too, as well as the body, become old
before their time ; there is nothing new in store for the
young imagination, and society loses its charm at the
very age when it would naturally be most enjoyed. I
do not believe it is ever well for girls to go into many
large parties ; the manners can be sufficiently formed
by social intercourse with the polite and intelligent.
I greatly approve of social visiting among children and

157

young persons. It is alike beneficial to the heart and
the manners. I only wish that mothers more generally
made one of these little parties. In general, girls think
they must have an apartment to themselves when they
receive visiters, or they must run off into the garden, or
upstairs, because a mother's presence is an unpleasant
restraint. This ought not to be. If married ladies
will be familiar and cheerful, they can be extremely
entertaining, as well as useful to the young. I wish this
sort of companionship wrere more general — for I am
certain it has a good influence. If a mother shows an
obliging readiness to enter into the plans and amusements
of her children, and their young guests, they will feel
no painful restraint in her presence ; while at the same
time she removes from them all temptation to frivolous
and improper conversation. I have known instances
where a mother was the most animated and animating
of all the little group. Would such instances were
more frequent ! It is impossible to calculate the bene-
fits that result from having a happy home.

From the beginning to the end of this book, I have
most earnestly represented the necessity of forming
early habits of observation. It is a strong foundation
on which any kind of character may be built, as cir-
cumstances require. It makes good writers, good paint-
ers, good botanists, good mechanics, good cooks, good
housewives, good farmers — good everything! It fits
us for any situation in which Providence may place us,
and enables us to make the most of whatever advantages
that come in our way. It is a sort of vital principle,
that gives life to everything.

Not fifty miles from Boston is a farmer, quite famous
14

for the improvements he has made in the wild grape,
He found a vine in the wood, which dozens of his
neighbors passed every week, as well as he ; but he
observed that where the oxen fed upon the vine the
grapes were largest and sweetest. He took the hint.
The vine was transplanted, and closely pruned. This
produced the same effect as browsing had done ; the
nourishment, that in a wild state supported a great weight
of vines and tendrils, went entirely to the body of the
grape. His neighbors would have known this as well
as he. if they had thought about it ; but they did not
observe.

In ancient Greece the beneficial effect of closely
trimming grape-vines was discovered by observing the
extreme luxuriance of a vine, which an ass had fre-
quently nibbled as he fed by the way-side. The man
who availed himself of this hint, became celebrated
throughout Greece, by means of the far-famed grapes
of Nauplia ; and, with ice, statues were erected

to the ass. and high honors paid to his memory. The
•e had never been cultivated in this country, when,
by a singular coincidence, an observing American farm-
er made the same discovery, and by the same means,
that gave celebrity to the observing Grecian farmer, in
very ancient tin

Even in infancy, the foundation of this important
habit should be begun, by directing the attention to the
size, shape, color, &:c, of whatever objects are pre-
I sented. In childhood it should be constantly kept alive,
bv never allowing anything to be read, or done, carelessly;
and during the teens, when the mind is all alive and
busv, very peculiar care should be taken to strengthen

159

and confirm it. A young lady should never be satisfied
with getting through with a thing some how, or other;
she should know how she has done it, why she has done
it, and what is the best way of doing it. She should
use her thoughts in all her employments. There is
always a best way of doing everything ; and however
trifling the occupation, this way should be discovered ;
in making a shirt, for instance, she should be led to ob-
serve that it is much more convenient to put in the
sleeves before the collar is set on. It is the want of
these habits of observation, which makes some people
so left-handed and awkward about everything they
undertake.

There is another subject quite as important — I mean
habits of reflection. Young people should be accus-
tomed to look into their own hearts, to be very sure
what motives they act from, and what feelings they in-
dulge. Parents can assist them very much, by seizing
favorable opportunities to talk with them about what
they have done, and what were their motives of action.
It is a good maxim ' every morning to think what we
have to do, and every evening to think what we
have done.' The close of the year is a peculiarly ap-
propriate time for self-examination. Each member of
the family should be encouraged at this interesting sea-
son, to think what improvements have been made, and
what evils have been conquered during the year.

One subject of great importance had nearly escaped
my recollection. I mean the early habit of writing
letters neatly and correctly. There are a hundred
cases where a young person's success in life may be
affected by the appearance of their epistles. A letter

160

badly written, badly spelt, or badly punctuated, is a
direct and abiding proof of a neglected education, or
a disorderly mind. The receipt of such a document
often makes an unfavorable impression with regard to
an individuals character, or capacity, which is never
afterward entirely obliterated. For this reason, children
should early be accustomed to give a natural and
simple account, in writing, of what they have seen and
done. The rules of punctuation, which are few and
plain, should be particularly attended to : and any
awkwardness or inelegance in the sentences should be
kindly pointed out, but never ridiculed. If par
from want of early education feel unable to do
they will, in all probability, know of some near relation,
cm* intimate friend, who will occasionally attend to it.
The great thins: is to make children desirous of improve-
ment : and this can be done by an uneducated parent,
as well as by a learned one. When a strong wish to
excel in any particular thing is once excited, there is no
danger bur it will find means to satisfy itself; and this
is one reason why we should be more careful what we
teach children to /ore, than what we teach them to
remember.

CHAPTER XI.

VIEWS OF -MATRIMONY.

There is no subject connected with education which
has so important a bearing on human happiness as the

161

views young people are tauzht to entertain with
regard to matrimonial connexions. The dreams of silly
romance, half vanity, and half passion, on the one hand,
and selfish calculation on the other, leave but precious
little of just thinking and right feeling on the subject.
The greatest and most prevailing error in education
consists in making lovers a subject of such engrc s
and disproportionate interest in the minds of young
girls. As soon as they can walk alone, they are called
• little sweet-heart,' and l little wife :' as they grow older,
the boyish liking of a neighbor, or school-mate, becomes
a favorite jest ; they often hear it said how lucky such
and such people are, because they i married off9 all
their family so young ; and when a pretty, attractive

lentioned, they are in the habit of hearing it observ-
ed. • She will be married young. She is too handsome
and too interesting to live sinde 1

I have frequently said that such sort of accidental
remarks do in fact educate children, more than direct
maxims ; and this applies with peculiar force to the sub-
ject of matrimony. Such observations as I have quoted,
I _:rls the idea that there is something degrad-
ing in not being married young : or, at least, in not having
had offers of marriage. This induces a kind of -
pride and vanity, which too often ends in ill-

assorted connexions. I had a sweet young friend,
with a most warm and generous heart, but a giddy, ro-
mantic brain. Her mother was weak-minded and in-
dulgent, and had herself been taught, in early life, to
consider it the chief end and aim of existence Go \
married. She often reminded her daughters, that she
was but sixteen when she was married, and had then
14*

16-2

refused two or three lovers. Of course, when my
charming, sentimental little friend was sixteen, she began
to feel unesay under r sense of disgrace ; her pride was
concerned in having a beau as early as her mother had
one ; and this feeling was a good deal strengthened by
the engagement of two or three young companions. It
unluckily happened that a dashing, worthless young man
was introduced to her about this time. A flirtation began,
winch soon ended in an offer of his hand. He said he
was in good business, and she saw that he wore a -hand-
some coat, and drove a superb horse ; and. more than
all. she thought what a triumph it would be to be en-

2 ; at sixteen. She married him. It was soon dis-
covered that he was careless, dissipated, and very poor.
In no respect whatever had he sympathy with my sen-
sitive, refined, but ill-educated friend. She discovered
this too late. She would have discovered it at first, had
her mind been quiet on the subject of matrimony. A
wretched life might have been spared her, if her mother
had left her heart to develope naturally, under the in-
fluences of true affection, as the lily opens its petals to
the sunshine. Her marriage was called a Jove-match ;
and as such was held up by ambitious parents as a salu-
warning. But there never was a greater misnomer.
She had not a particle of love for the man. She mar-
ried him because he happened to be .the first that offered?
and because she felt ashamed not to be engaged as soon
as her companions.

But heedless vanity and silly romance, though
a prolific source of unhappy marriages, are not so
disastrous in their effects as worldly ambition, and
selfish calculation. I never knew a marriage ex-

163

pressly for money, that did not end unhappily. Yet
managing mothers, and heartless daughters, are contin-
ually playing the same unlucky game. I look upon it
as something more than bad policy for people to marry
those to whom they are, at best, perfectly indifferent,
merely for the sake of wealth ; in my view it is abso-
lutely unprincipled. Happiness cannot result from such
connexions, because it ought not. A mother who can
deliberately advise a daughter thus to throw away all
chance of domestic bliss, would, were it not for the .
fear of public opinion, be willing to sell her to the
Grand Sultan, to grace his seraglio. Disguise the mat-
ter as we may, with the softening epithets of 'prudent
match,' ' a good establishment,' &c, it is in honest truth
a matter of bargain and sale.

I believe men more frequently marry for love, than
women; because they have a freer choice. I am
afraid to conjecture how large a proportion of women
marry because they think they shall not have a better
chance, and dread being dependent. Such marriages
no doubt sometimes prove tolerably comfortable ; but
great numbers would have been far happier single. If
I may judge by my own observation of such matches,
marrying for a home is a most tiresome way of getting
a living.

One of the worst effects resulting from managing
about these things, is the disappointment and fan-
cied disgrace attendant upon a failure ; and with the
most artful manoeuvring, failures in such schemes are
very frequent. Human policy sketches beautiful pat-
terns, but she is a bad weaver ; she always entangles
her own web. I am acquainted with two or three man-

lt>4

aging mothers, who have pretty children ; and in the
whole circle of my acquaintance. I know of none so
unfortunate in disposing of their The young

ladies would have married very well, if they had not
been taught to act a part : now. they will either live
r. or form ill-assorted, unhappy connexions. If
hey will probably be ill-natured and
envious through life : because they have been taught to
attach so much importance to the mere circumstance of
getting married, without any reference to genuine af-
fection. A woman of well-regulated feelings and an
active mind, may be very happy in sinde life. — far
happier than she could be made by a marriage of
pediency. The reason old maids are proverbially more
discontented than old bachelors, is. that they have gene-
rally so much less to occupy their thoughts. For this
reason, it is peculiarly important, that a woman's educa-
tion should furnish her with abundant resources for em-
ployment and amusement- I do not say that an unmar-
ried woman can be as happy as one who forms, with
proper views and feelings, a union, which is unquestion-
ably the most blessed of all human relations : but I
am very certain that one properly educated need not
be unhappy in single life.

The great difficult}' at the present day is. that matri-
mony is made a subject of pride, vanity, or expediency :
whereas it ought to be a matter of free choice and
honest preference. A woman educated with proper
views on the subject could not be excessively troubled
at not beinz married, when in fact she had never seen
a person for whom she entertained particular affection ;
but one taught to regard it as a matter of pride, is inevi-

165

tably wretched, discontented, and envious, under the
prospect of being an old maid, though she regards no hu-
man being with anything like love.

Some mothers are always talking about the cares,
and duties and sacrifices incident to married life ; they
are always urging their daughters to c enjoy themselves
while they are single' — < to be happy while they have a
chance,' — but at the same time that they give such a
gloomy picture of domestic life, (making it a frightful
bugbear to the young imagination,) they urge upon them
the necessity of getting married for respectability's sake.
They must be ' well settled,' as the phrase is. The
victim must be sacrificed, because the world's opinion
demands it.

I once heard a girl, accustomed to such remarks, say,
with apparent sincerity, f I should like of all things to
be married, if I could be sure my husband would die in
a fortnight ; then I should avoid the disgrace of being
an old maid, and get rid of the restraint and trouble of
married life.' Strange and unnatural as such a senti-
ment may appear, it was just what might have been
expected from one accustomed to such selfish views of
a relation so holy and blessed in its nature. It is all-
important that charming pictures of domestic life should
be presented to the young. It should be described as, —
what it really is, — the home of woman's affections, and
her pleasantest sphere of duty. Your daughter should
never hear her own marriage speculated or jested upon ;
but the subject in general should be associated in her
mind with everything pure, bright, and cheerful.

I shall be asked if I do not think it extremely desira-
ble that daughters should marry well ; and whether the

166

bee hided, domestic education I have recommended is
not vers' unfavorable to the completion of such wishes,
— for how can they be admired, when they are not
seen? It certainly is very desirable that daughters
should marry well, because it wonderfully increases
their chance of happiness. The unchangeable laws of
God have made reciprocated affection necessary to the
human heart ; and marriage formed with proper views
is a powerful means of improving our better nature.
But I would not say. or do anything, to promote a union
of this sort. I would have no scheming, no managing,
no hinting. I would never talk with girls about the
beaux, or suffer them to associate with those who did.
I would leave everything to nature and Divine Provi-
dence— with a full belief that such reliance would do
more and better for me than I could effect by my own
plans. I do not think a secluded, domestic education
is unfavorable to chances of happy matrimonial connex-
ions. A girl with a good heart, a full mind, and modest,
refined manners, cannot fail to be attractive. Make
her a delightful companion to her own family ; teach her
to be happy at home ; and trust Divine Providence to
find her a suitable partner. If she has been taught to
think the regulation of her own heart and mind of greater
importance than anything else, she cannot be unhappy
whatever may be her lot in life ; and her chance for a
happy marriage will be abundantly greater than it could
be made by the most adroit management.

It is evident that the greatest safeguard against
improper attachments consists in the character you
have given your daughter, by the manner of educating
her. A refined young lady will not naturally be in love

167

with vulgarity ; nor will a pure mind have any sympathy
with the vicious and unprincipled. But as vice often
wears the garb of virtue, and as youth is, from its verv
innocence, unsuspecting, it is incumbent upon parents
to be extremely careful with what sort of young men
they allow their daughters to associate. Acquaintance
with any particular person should not be expressly for-
bidden, because such restraint is likely to excite the
very interest you wish to avoid ; but, without saying
anything on the subject, do not encourage your
daughter in going to places where she will meet a
fascinating young man. to whom you have decided ob-
jections ; and if you discover the smallest symptoms of
mutual interest between the parties, remove her from
home, if possible, to some place where her mind will
soon become interested in new occupations. A prudent
parent will always remember that it is extremely natural
for young people to get deeply interested in those they
see frequently ; and that it is far easier, and better, to
prevent an attachment, than it is to conquer it after it is
formed. I would never, even by the most trifling
expression, lead my daughter to think of her acquain-
tances as future lovers ; but I should myself recollect
the possibility of such a circumstance, and would not
therefore encourage an acquaintance with any man,
whom I should be very unwilling to see her husband.
c An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.'

In affairs of this kind strong opposition is very impo-
litic. It rarely effects its purpose ; and if it does, it is
through much misery and trouble. I doubt whether
parents have a right to forbid the marriage of their
children, after they are old enough to think and decide

168

for themselves ; but while they are quite young, I do
think they have an undoubted right to prevent marriage,
until the laws of the land render them free from parental
authority. But where this is done, it should be with
great mildness and discretion : it should be resorted to
only from a desire to leave young people a perfect free-
dom of choice, at an age when they are more capable
of feeling deeply and judging wisely.

Where there is any immorality of character, it be-
comes an imperative duty for parents to forbid an
engagement while the parties are young. If it is per-
sisted in, after they are old enough to be as dis-
creet as they ever will be, there is no help for it ; but 1
do not believe one, whose heart and mind had been
properly educated, would ever persist in such a course

The three great questions to be asked in deciding
whether a union is suitable and desirable, is, 1st, Has
the person good principles? -2d, Has he, or she, a good
disposition? 3d, Is there a strong, decided, deeply-
founded preference ? Connexions which are likely to
lead a woman into a sphere of life to which she has
been unaccustomed, to introduce her to new and ardu-
ous duties, — and to form a violent contrast to her
previous mode of life, — should not be entered into,
except at mature age, and with great certainty that
affection is strong enough to endure such trials. But
where there is deep, well founded love, and an humble
reliance on Divine Providence, all things will work right
in the end.

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